You are delusional if you think the craziness is over. YOUR WIFE IS STILL DRINKING.


Yes, your delusion is amazing if you believe your marriage is going in a positive direction. Your enabling is a bigger problem than your wife's alcoholism. She is a chronic alcoholic and you are propping her up and supporting her DISEASE. Your actions are harmful to her.

Sir, you are in serious and dangerous denial.

Sir,

How many AlAnon meetings did you attend last week?

Wow, an avalanche of truth. I am trying to see things positively given the past craziness of ER's, driving drunk, breaking windows, etc - but know the things you all are saying are true, and know with drinking how quickly the craziness can return. I am not in denial, I am tolerating because of another piece of information I had not passed on yet.

She has been seeing a psychiatrist every day as part of her outpatient therapy. He told me in October that my wife is suffering psychiatric issues that he's attempting to medicate to balance out whatever is wrong, but it takes some time to get it right. He's less concerned with the drinking than the hormone test results and the physiological symptoms they are seeing. Yesterday evening, he said she needs to be back in inpatient so they can monitor her closely while they are changing medications. She is checking in today.

I have been adamant that my wife needs no alcohol if things are going to work out between us. I was working towards ending our relationship because of it, since she was showing no signs of seriously trying to work on getting sober. The psychiatrist made me put a pause on that, to at least temporarily support her while they try to even her out.

She is not home all day alone - she has been in outpatient therapy for almost a month now. I verify her location multiple times per day - if I commute home before she is done, I do a drive by.

He obviously can't "even her out" if she is drinking. You need to stop enabling her. I would also write Dr Harley TODAY and tell him this.

Drinking CAUSES psychiatric problems. Allowing your wife to continue to drink is the opposite of being ADAMANT about her quitting.

Who cares about any of this if she is still drinking? This is just a disaster.

Not that this is the #1 problem, but what is to stop the OM from coming to your house? What stops her from going there?

And is she DRIVING? A practicing alcoholic is DRIVING? How does she get to therapy?

This is laughable. The psychiatrist is "evening her out" while she sits home and drinks? I would like to know how that is done. Is that how he keeps her coming to him?

I have always heard (from Dr. Harley and elsewhere) that you can't take antidepressant/antianxiety/etc meds while drinking alcohol - that you absolutely MUST NOT and CAN NOT consume alcohol when you are taking drugs for mental problems. I can't believe this psychiatrist thinks it's not a problem that she's drinking.

It's worth noting that psychiatrists do not know how to keep people sober.
Poeple can spend thousands of dollars for professional therapy when they can receive a better program for no cost through AA and Alanon

Th reason why I keep asking you about Alanon meetings is because I think they will help you set boundaries with your wife and stop enabling her.

Do you realize that you enable her drinking?

What medications have been prescribed for her and is she taking them as required?

What does the drug manufacturer state on the Warning Label?

LTL

Psychiatrists come to AA to get help for their drinking problems....

Everyone - thanks for the outpouring of frustration with me and good questions. I know I deserve it. I've had a weekend without the wife and have done a lot of thinking.

The psychiatric condition put a pause on what I was going forward with to protect myself and the family - things you would have all told me "good job" for, as I was serious about letting her hit rock bottom. The pause was likely not a good idea given the year I've had, but one I thought made sense at the time. And, I know my recent previous posts I am making a lot of excuses for something I'm not ok with.

Since getting out of the last rehab, wife was seriously depressed, having suicidal thoughts (pre-plan), and was self-harming. All this was happening under the care of a psychiatrist who at first thought the new meds would help while in outpatient, but then wanted to pull her back into inpatient to get her meds right, get her support structure right, and yes, sober her up. I may have mischaracterized how he classified her drinking... since it was light, compared to the heavy drinking of the past (I and they test her daily), he WAS concerned, and did state it could affect the meds, but he didn't think it was the cause of the symptoms and behaviors he was seeing.

I did not feel that was a good time for me to kick her out of the house solely for the drinking. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but it was the only decision I felt I could make at the time. She has been in the lock-down rehab eval since Friday. They will not release her this time once she is sober - but additionally once they think she is psychiatrically stabilized.

She has been cogent the last few times I have talked with her, and she is scared of her mental state... but she is also upset at the toll alcohol has had in her life, especially this year. I have heard variations of this before, so I'm not doing a victory dance. She has asked her psychiatrist for Antabuse once she is released. To me that is the sign that she is serious... if she is released, shows up with the prescription, and is ready and willing to take it every day.

This is another GroundHog Day. I don't see anything different happening here except that you have garnered more excuses for enabling. There is MORE enabling going on because of supposed "psychiatric" problems. Yes, practicing alcoholics have psychiatric problems, it makes us INSANE. The solution is to stop drinking.


You didn't mischaracterize her drinking at all. Alcohol is poison to your wife so saying that the poisoning was "light" tells me you don't understand what you are dealing with . It is not the 10th drink that is the problem, but the 1st drink. The first drink is the engine train. The first drink triggers the craving.


Your feelings have led you wrong in the past and they are leading you wrong here. Dr Harley told you if she had ONE DRINK, to kick her out. "Solely" for drinking? Are you kidding me? Your wife is a chronic alcoholic and alcohol has wrecked all of your lives and now you are minimizing it as "solely for drinking?"

There should be ZERO TOLERANCE for drinking. She cannot drink EVER. Your wife can NEVER be a social drinker. NEVER. And you should NEVER have alcohol in your home.

I am shocked and disappointed that you are allowing this to happen. I can understand that a psychiatrist doesn't know any better, but you know better. There is no excuse.

ALL CAUSED BY DRINKING!!! If she is suicidal, she should be in the hospital, not sitting home drinking while her husband watches!

The best medicine for your wife is to hit bottom. It is the ONLY THING that can possibly wake her up and motivate her to change. When the pain of staying drunk exceeds the pain of sobering up, she will sober up. By enabling her you protect her from the pain of staying drunk.

You are withholding that from her. I hope she can survive your enabling. Hitting bottom is her only hope. She knows you will run around like a chicken with your head cut off taking her back and forth to rehab so she can just come home and drink freely. She has no damn reason to quit.

KSummit, the best therapy for your wife is to hit bottom. Let her hit bottom. Don't let her come back until and unless she is sober for months. She has no intention of sobering up so there is no reason to bring her back.

I do know better. I know what I need to do. I made a decision because I was confused about what to do given the newer behaviors and symptoms. I know you are right... I know I can't use any excuses. I wouldn't come back if I was convinced I am right and don't need help with healthy convictions.