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I have every intention of telling him about it, but what i am saying is he needs to work on things also. It isn't all one way. Also me and this guy never did anything. I think some here are referring to an affair being emotional, but i just wanted to clear it up that we didn't get physical because some seem to be indicating they think we did, but it was an emotional affair. The most pressing issue in your marriage is your affair. Nothing can be solved until that is addressed and your husband knows the full truth. Start there FIRST and then we can help you with next steps based on his reaction.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have every intention of telling him about it, but what i am saying is he needs to work on things also. It isn't all one way. Also me and this guy never did anything. I think some here are referring to an affair being emotional, but i just wanted to clear it up that we didn't get physical because some seem to be indicating they think we did, but it was an emotional affair. Claiming it was not a PA but only a EA is a lot of BS for an excuse not to be honest with your BH. You have closed your love bank to your BH and given free 24 hour banking service to your OM. The first step is to send a NC letter to your OM stating that having an EA with him is wrong and regret all the pain it has caused your BH and that you want 100% NC with him. Then you block OM from calling, texting, emailing you. So tell your BH today. The work to repair the marriage can not be done until the truth is known. I know for 30 plus years there has been invisible wall negatively impacting us because I have not been give the truth.
Last edited by TheRoad; 12/25/14 11:14 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Personally I found the EA to be more of a betrayal than the PA. You put time and effort into those feelings.
Don't minimise that with your husband or excuse it. Take full responsibility.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Remember that the only person who your lies benefit is you.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I think Dr.Harley says somewhere that when a person lies they think they are gaining at the expense of the person they are lying to but, they are actually becoming a slave to the false reality their lie is creating.
Your lies benefit no one in the long run. They are a selfish reaction by your Taker to get what makes you happy without regard to the future consequences.
BH 31
Married 5 years
D day-10/8/14
Separated-10/27/14
1 DS3
1 DSS13
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You can do this JL.I now see how I had made my FWW so vulnerable. I am now almost rid of all LB's, and her repentant spirit has helped me so much. My most wonderful gift today was when my wife told me her LB$ was near the top.
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Personally I found the EA to be more of a betrayal than the PA. You put time and effort into those feelings.
Don't minimise that with your husband or excuse it. Take full responsibility. I think EAs are more dangerous both because they can be conducted in secret and because they can be so long-lasting. Nothing to burst the fantasy balloon. My mother's EA lasted 50 years and stole the happiness of four people two of whom had done nothing wrong.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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jleah,
Whether your affair was EA or PA it doesn't matter - you betrayed your M vows to your H and now you're quibbling. Your 'intention' of informing your H about your affair being contingent on 'he needs to work on things also; is b.s. on your part! A loving M is never about one spouse holding resentment or leverage - i.e., he works on things - over honesty, and more importantly, honest communication with each other! If you really do care about him then communicate - do you expect him to read your mind?
Seems that you've cut out of here already, so good luck. This is not a whining board - it's a place to learn and to begin to become sincere
Tom
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It was just christmas for the past few days. I haven't been online, and didn't "cut out of anywhere." I have read all the comments and advice given to me on here.
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It was just christmas for the past few days. I haven't been online, and didn't "cut out of anywhere." I have read all the comments and advice given to me on here. Merry Christmas. Okay now, what are you DOING with the advice? Walk the walk, and don't just talk the talk. LTL
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Will you be having an honest heart to heart talk with your Husband?
You can only straighten out the problems in your marriage if you both know the trust anout what the problems are.
Many husbands just have no idea what is going on in their wife's minds, At All.
LTL
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