I don't see what "hate in your heart" has to do with moving.

I also don't believe you can read minds and tell what is in people's hearts.

HBL is under the impression that if she does not agree to move she will get no further help from this forum. If that the black and white of it?

HBL is under the impression that if she does not agree to move she will get no further help from this forum. If that the black and white of it?

I don't personally think she will ever agree to moving at this point. And that's pretty much all she hears. It's kind of frustrating for me because the deeper issue is she doesn't seem to see the reason why that's even being advised. At least I don't think she does. Even if she stands firm on her position not to move away it concerns me even more that she doesn't see the extreme importance of no contact at all. After all, even her own counselor has advised it.

Anything we advise is futile when resumption of the A is likely and her own triggers on hearing about OWs latest adventures are likely to keep her resentment alive.

Since she's done everything but move she shouldn't have any more problems unless living near OW causes problems....which of course it will.

If she thinks she's done everything necessary to create happiness then what else does she needs help with? All should be ticketyboo.

TBH, who among us accepted every part of the plan first go around? We all failed to follow one part and some of us paid dearly but learned truly.

She can come back whenever she sees a problem with Plan HBL. If she's truly fortunate the next sickening discovery will fall short of OW becoming the kids stepmother and a nasty, expensive divorce.

I don't see how she is to avoid another Dday though. Perhaps if her own betrayal triggers inspire her to move first.

I've always felt they are a survival mechanism.

CV, what you mis-perceive as posters reliving something anger/hate is actually the reaction one would have watching a person sit on the railroad tracks while the train is coming at him. Would it be realistic to sit by quietly and say some cute, calm words while a fellow human being sits on the RR tracks completely unaware that a train is headed his way?

Because that is usually the case with most BS's when they show up here. Most are being gaslighted by their WS's and they WANT to believe that everything really is ok. When we tell them "no, no, it is not ok!!! it is a trick!!" They sometimes get mad. They just don't believe what is headed their way. [at first - they almost always get it soon enough, but sometimes soon is too late] They are in shock and don't WANT to believe it. But, their survival depends on them WAKING UP AND GETTING OFF THE TRAIN TRACKS.

Now, when some poor deluded BS gets angry because we point out the train headed towards them does a caring person stop yelling at them to GET OFF THE TRACK or does a caring person ply them with some cute, enabling words?

I am not forthright because I am reliving anything, I am forthright and urgent because I SEE WHAT IS COMING IF THEY DON'T GET UP. The longer you are around here, the more apparent the signs will be and the less willing you are to sit by quietly while the train comes for that person.

My issue is that my human decency will not allow me to sit there when I see a train headed for my fellow human being. Now, if they refuse to listen after I have warned them, that is another thing. I cannot force someone to listen to me. But when someone doesn't listen, I will tell you honestly that I GRIEVE INSIDE FOR THEM. It is painful to watch someone sit there while the train rolls over them.

Lack of grace? Maybe. I have been accused of much worse. But be assured it has nothing to do with reliving something anger/hate, it has everything to do with simple human decency.

I always like your posts indiegirl.

I called her a whore in the beginning I no longer have that feeling and I call her by name now. I am sorry if you guys still have the hate in your heart because that dosent do anything but hurt you not the other person. You can not go on thinking because this path you chose to take helped you, so it will help everyone else.