I am a 33 year old female. My husband and I have been together for 18 year's and married for 15. We have 4 kids together. We have had our share of fights and troubles. He has been unfaithful to me before some physical and most recently emotionally. I have forgiven him for all of them and asked how can we move forward. I have been unfaithful once about 13 years ago. My husband left me in another state despite me begging him to stay. I was crushed. I thought it was over. I felt horrible after and I did the most stupid and hurtful thing I could ever have done. I lied. I didn't tell him even when he asked. I didn't tell him for 13 years. Even when he was unfaithful to me again, I didn't tell him. He has always suspected that something has happened but I wouldn't admit it. About 2 year's ago I came home from work and found him passed out drunk with his cell phone. He was texting another woman he never met. I was so hurt and angry. I thought we were past all of that. I thought our marriage was just going through a rough spot. I was in denial. So I left the state of Washington where we lived and drove back down to california. The biggest mistake of my life. He followed me down and swore things will change. I wanted to blame him. We tried to work through the hurt and betrayal that we both did. Things got even worse. I already gone in my mind. I moved out, started going to school, got divorce papers, but within a few weeks he was telling me he loves me and wants to be a family again. We knew we couldn't do it in california so We moved all the way to the east coast. We talked the whole way. I opened up completely and I thought he did too. We have been good for the last year, so I thought. Last week he told me he wanted to leave. That he was moving out and didn't want to be married anymore. I asked him why. Early that day I had found a receipt for gas in a town that is about 30 mins from our home. The same town that his female boss lives in.I asked why he went way up there to get gas and he said because it was cheap. I told him it is cheap everywhere and that is still along way to go for gas. He got defensive and said he wanted to go for a drive. I asked if him wanting to leave all of a sudden had anything to do with what he was really doing up in that town or was he going to keeps lying to me. That is when he told me that he has feelings for his boss. Now he has been unfaithful before,but this is the first time he has said that he has feelings for the other person. He has been texting her for a long time before him telling me. He still does. He says he wants this but he also says that he is confused, scared, and still has feelings for me and desires me. Somtimes he says he doesn't know how he feels. I'm scared and just as confused. I love him more than anything. He is not just my husband but my best friend. He says the same about me. I told him that I know we have hurt each other in the past and that it is hard to let that go and that I don't want to hurt him. I know I am not giving him what he wants and that he is not happy. I want to try and fix this. I want him to be happy again. I don't know what to do. I don't want to make him stay if he didn't want to but I don't want to push him in to the arms of another. I have told him all of this. I am so lost.

Your H obviously has terribly boundaries around women and should not work with them again. Have his affairs been exposed to your family and friends? Has your affair been exposed?

In MB, forgiveness is not given; it's EARNED through the process of Just Compensation. Your marriage never recovered from your H's affairs; they were just swept under the rug and nothing changed. With Just Compensation, the post-affair marriage is much better than pre-A and is safe, romantic, and passionate.

Where does he meet these other women from his previous affairs?

The first thing you will need to do is place some spyware on his phone and computer. Don't ask him again whether he's having an affair. Most waywards lie about it. Although your H has confessed that he has feelings about his boss and has been texting her, it would be a good idea to get strong evidence of the affair (such as a flirty text interchange) and then expose it far and wide to all your friends and family and to the friends and family of the OW. Your H will need to leave that job, because, he must never be in contact with her again.

Meanwhile, make sure you don't commit any lovebusters. Don't beg or plead with him. Read up on Plan A and, if you're feeling depressed, see your doctor about getting on ADs for a while. You should only be in Plan A for three weeks maximum.

Sorry you are in this painful situation.

We have no friends or family here. All of them are on the west coast. They know about the issues we have had. I know he won't leave his job. It is the first one that he enjoys. Even before the affair. I am trying to give him space so he can work out his feelings. He says he wants to Persue the relationship with his boss and see how it goes, but at the same time he says he says he is confused. I don't know if I should just let him go and just be there for him if it doesn't work out with the other woman. I know this is my fault. I don't know if he wants to try again. I'm afraid to ask him. I don't want to be pushy. I just want him to be happy. I also want our marriage back without the fear of being hurt.

If he won't leave his job, there is no hope for your marriage. Im so sorry.

There is not much to save with a serial cheater. The problem is that this will be your short term future [divorce is your long term because he will divorce you] unless you take some dramatic steps. Just sitting around hoping has not helped you in the past and won't help you in the future. If your goal is to enable him, there is nothing we can do for you because this is hopeless.

His affairs are not your fault, but staying with a cruel, selfish serial cheater is your fault. After a while, you are no longer a victim but a volunteer.

Being complacent and Giving Him Space while he is currently involved in his next sequential fantasy affair WILL end your marriage for sure.

That might not be such a bad thing for you though.

But, if you want things to have a chance to change, then you are going to have to put your complacency on the side and learn to become an Exposure Warrior.

Is she his only boss?

What kind of a company is it?

Do you want to break up this current affair?

LTL

x 2

I was married to a serial cheater...one of the best things I ever did was divorce him. Your WH does not love you and you are not his best friend...that is denial. Please wake up. I recommend you consult an attorney and file for divorce.

This situation is both of our faults. Neither one of us were meeting our needs and every time we tried to fix things we didn't know how and made things worse. We didn't make an effort. I did leave him The last time he turned to another woman. I packed up whatever I could fit in my van and our 4 kids and drove 2 states away. He followed me down the next day. He said he knows he hurt me and wanted to be a family. He also told me that I wasn't meeting his needs which is what led him to text the other women. We talked about what we wanted from each other and how to meet those needs but there was a lot of hurt and anger from him from me leaving and losing his job and our house. He became depressed and started using drugs. I did too. Things good very bad. Our environment was bad. I decided I wasn't happy and left again. I started going tho school and printed out divorce papers. A couple of weeks later he wanted to me to take him back. I told him he had to stop doing drugs and to stop seeing the people he was hanging around with if he had any chance at being a family again. He agreed. About a week later I found out he was still seeing them especially one particular woman. I asked him about it and he was honest with me. He started crying saying he is trying to stay away but it's hard to because he is addicted. He wants to be a family and asked me to help him. So I suggested he transfer his job to another state. He agreed and we moved east. That was 1 year ago. I thought things were going good. I started working. We talked more. We discussed our feelings instead of fighting about them. Thing we're still stressful about work, kids, bills etc. But we talked about it. We started having more sex even. Although I have been experiencing pain and discomfort from sex I still wanted it and was willing to give it. We have had a few big fights lately were I have been very angry and told him I hated him. The last time was Christmas eve. I felt horrible as soon as I said it. He has only had this job for about 3months now. He makes good money which is why he won't quit. He works 13 hours a day, 6 days a week. I know because I see his schedule every week. I want to save what little marriage I have left if any, but the right way this time. That is why I turned to this sight. I will let him go if that is what he truly wants, but I do not feel that is how he truly feels. I do not know. Every time we start to talk about it he seems so confused. And I know him being tired from work does not help.

The problem is not unmet needs. It is that your husband allows other women to meet his needs. His shop is always open to others. You could meet his needs 100% and he would still be wh*ring around because he is a serial cheater. The only way you will ever make it is if he leaves the job and makes a radical change in his approach to marriage. I don't see that happening.

In the meantime, his adultery will destroy your emotional and physical health if you don't get a way from him. He is as dangerous as a wife beater to you. Women have nervous breakdowns, physical ailments and suffer years of post traumatic stress disorder from living like this.

I would strongly urge you to expose his affair in the workplace, to family and friends and then move home to your family. Cut off all contact with him and stay away unless and until he makes a radical lifestyle change.

His multiple affairs are not an accident. This is a playah who is out hunting for action. No amount of "need meeting" can change that. He is dangerous to your health.

And I would strongly suggest you get STD testing because he has likely given you a disease.

He hasn't physically cheated on me in 12 years. He said he didn't plan this and wasn't looking for anyone. He swears thru haven't had sex and I believe him. They don't have the time. I take him to work and pick him up.

He is cheating now. And even the dumbest wayward knows how to have sex in the workplace. Of course they have time. They work together. Believing the word of a serial cheater is foolish.

How many affairs has he had?

In 18 years I know of 3 physical ones and 3 emotional ones. That include this one.

Please listen to the guidance you are receiving. Your H will need to make radical changes in his lifestyle or you are in for more of the same. The best predictor of your marital future is your past. Expose the affairs, get legal help, and go into Plan B. Don't wait around as his option.

I have been raped once when we stared dating and all my so called friends told him I cheated on him. He never got over that. And once 13 year's ago when we got in a fight. We had just moved from cali to Louisiana and lost our two boys to pcs. He was drunk and and pushed me. I told him to get out. My mom was there and told him to go take a walk to cool off. The next morning he had his mom send him a ticket back to cali. I begged him to stay. Send the ticket back but he didn't. I was torn. I lost my kids, my husband, everything. I met a guy that was my moms boyfriends friend. We hung out and two day after my husband left. I ended up sleeping with the other guy. I felt my marriage was over. Then my husband called me and said he was sorry he shouldn't have left and wanted me to come back to cali so we can work on our marriage. I should of told him about the other guy but didn't until last year.

I meant cps

What is plan A and B?

My suggestion would be to go to counseling to find out why you choose to live like this. You don't help by enabling him and making excuses for him and you sure don't help yourself.

Plan B is a complete and total separation where you have absolutely no contact with him.