Can anyone help with practical steps to take when I'm starting to feel angry?

My thought is to go outside and or away from the situation when I start to feel like I'm losing control of my emotions (anger). Then come back to the situation when I'm back in control.

Any other suggestions?

Read this thread: Anger Management 101

And this article:
How to Negotiate When You are an Emotional Person

Then come back here and post your thoughts and questions.

The questions I have for you are:
1. Does your wife make you angry?
2. What does Dr. Harley say is the best way to avoid an angry outburst?
3. What device does Dr. Harley recommend a person use to help with this?

Thanks for posting that.


I listened to all 4 parts of the show which was linked in the first post, good information!

It is a new thought to me that nobody can make me get angry...hmm? I think it's true but I just never thought about it like that. I think that will help me tremendously.

This is the first step in overcoming your anger.

I am happy to report that I really can keep the anger turned off.

Honestly, I've always been able to but I just kept allowing myself be angry. So ashamed of myself for all the pain I caused.

Being ashamed is not enough, though. Actions are what counts. I'm still looking for answers to these two questions:

How's it going?

a. Avoid frustrating situations if possible.
b. Learn to relax on command.

Galvanic response meter, I think that's what the device is called.

Thanks for the accountability!

I think it's going good, but maybe you should ask her.

I've had instances when I felt angry but was able to back away from it and cool down. My biggest challenge is simply remembering not to allow myself to express anger.

Have you gotten a GSR meter to practice relaxing?
Do you listen to the radio show daily?

Don't have a GSR meter but we talked about getting one. I don't know much about them, are they effective/useful for anger management? Do you have suggestions as to where to get one and what brand/model?

I listen to the radio show nearly everyday, sometimes more than once if it is especially pertinent to our situation.

By the way, I changed my display name to Pearlseeker. I was a little confused when I set up my profile. I wanted to use Pearlseeker originally but I was not sure of the difference between a username and the display name.

Here's what Dr. Harley says about it.



How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person

Thank you!

Please excuse my ignorance, but that looks like something which only works when you put your hand on it...what about when I'm working, is there any device that you can wear?

What about only communicating POJA through email or a notebook?

You don't need to wear it all the time. The goal is to spend lots of training sessions building the habit of relaxing when you feel frustrated, until it is just second nature to you and happens automatically. I think I started with about three training sessions per day.

OK, thanks for the information.

We had a discussion this evening which didn't end well. We were discussing certain aspects of how interest is calculated for different types of loans. She was explaining this to one of the boys and at one point I expressed doubt that she was accurately describing the facts about a loan that we have. She seemed to think I wasn't understanding her correctly and so she repeated it several times.

In retrospect, the conversation should have ended sooner because it wasn't at all productive.


buildsherhouse gives more details about the conversation on her thread.

Toward the end of our conversation she was telling me that by disagreeing with her about facts, I was lovebusting her and that I should apologize for it.

My question for you is this: is disagreeing about facts lovebusting?

I am wondering if she and I are sufficiently compatible to have a happy marriage, here is one reason why.

In the 3 to 4 years before we met, I was a part of a group from which I learned that it was evil to want a physically attractive woman. We met in a way which seemed the "elders" approved of our relationship. For these several reasons, I did my best to stifle the voice inside me that said I wasn't strongly attracted to her physically.

This has brought me much grief in the years since. Up until recently I was loathe to verbalize this at all primarily because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, secondarily because it's not "spiritual" to want a hot woman and thirdly because telling your wife anything but that she's the most beautiful woman in the world is grounds for a society sanctioned maiming. Not wanting to be maimed or to seem unspiritual, I continued stifling that desire.

Enter MB. One of the principles of which is that physical attractiveness is a legitimate need. This was good news! And since another principle is radical honesty, I had no choice but to fess up.

Honestly, I have doubts as to the possibility of us having a deep romantic relationship for this and other reasons. So my question to all of you veteran MBers out there; what to do?
Is it possible to have ones need for physical attractiveness met in this scenario by following MB principles? To have romantic love don't you have to have your needs met?

(I am now bracing for societal maiming)