Friends:<BR>Today I believe God revealed something to me that was both very hurtful, but enlightening.<BR>As my post topic stated, the LIGHT FINALLY CAME ON in my head.<P>Saturday was my soon/2/b/ex birthday, so I decided to buy her a card and some flowers. Even though I not received anything from her for almost 3 years, I trying to show I have forgiven her!<P>First, last night I read a post from another forum about why some women have affairs and the 3 catagories they fit into.<P>My W fit 2 of 3 catagories..1) Her father had affairs and 2) she was molested by her Uncle <P>Second, my kids got out of school early today at 12:00, so I picked them up and drove them home, which I normally don't do on Mondays. The trash cans happened to be still full at that time, normally the trash gets emptied at 9:00am. Something inside of me told me to look inside the trash cans..and I found the card I gave to the W. That is not like her, she still keeps all cards she gets..kind of strange. So after finding the card in the trash, I kind of figured out how she really felt at that point.<P>Third: Inside the house (W was at work), my son told me that some mail came for me and it was inside a plastic bag on the floor. My W forgot to remove some of her church articles in the bag so I emptied it. <P>What also was in the bag was a hand written Prayer request that she wrote for different people she knew..her mom, sister, kids so on. But no request for me..so again I figured out her state of mind. But the big blow was a hand written journal entry to she wrote just 2 weeks ago as follows:<P>"God, I have been through a trying 2 years since accepting Jesus into my life. I know I have grown alot in the last 9 months. I still experience much anger and hurt because I don't understand John's (OM) decisions. I don't know, God if his decisions are coming from you or his own weaknesses. I just need continued guideance from you. I want to be in your center..Please help me to stay on the right path.<P>I do love john very much and would love to share my life with him but only if it is you will"<P>Is this sick or what? This guy abandoned my wife with a baby during there affair. I have been kind, understanding, show no anger and try to be there for her.<P>I finally realized God directed me to find all this today, and he finally showed me to go on with my life and quit wasting my time wanting my wife back!<P>TODAY THE LIGHTS FINALLY CAME ON and I have feel like aburden has just be lifted!!!!!!<P>gmc900<P>

gmc900,<P>When I finally forced myself to keep pushing for the truth, I allowed my h to lie for a long time! But I finally said what the H----, if he is telling the truth, then why won't he talk to me and i was basically a single mom anyway, I didn't have anything to loose. But I found what I never dreamed to find. So it's a slightly different situation, but I know the feeling to have the scales fall off your eyes. I am a very different person now than I was. Sometimes I don't like who I am, I wish for the trust and naivety back, but for the most part, I am glad to know what I know now. I have never been a "why me" type person, I just knew I had to get on with it. Fortunately for me, My h decided to get on with it, with me, not the ow! <BR>From what I have read of you, you are a wonderful person and will be a great partner to someone. It does seem time to let go, but she is really confused now. Praying to God to help her leave her marriage for a man that left her? She's got issues within herself, I don't mean that negatively, but she has to do this one on her own now. Good luck!<P>Oh yeah .. My friend who married her affair man, she's not happy. I try to be uplifting for her, because she's living in it, yes I believe for punishment. Her first H would take her back now if she'd let him. She is trying to make this one work though! Young and got 2 kids, 2 different dads, second marriage. But I wanted you to know I agree,her h is a disrespectful jerk!<BR>See ya'<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Mater:<P>Thanks for your response, I agree with you that she has issues and it's sad to see a person in soooo much termoil in her life!<P>I can go on with my life knowing I did the best I could to restore what was lost...I love it here at MB, but I'll tell you something. My son asked me the million dollar question the other day and I don't know how to answer him. He asked me if people cheat on each other like mom did to you, why should anyone get married?<P>How do you answer a question like that? I see all the pain here everyday I come to this forum and I'm starting to ask the same question to myself! Why does anyone get married anymore, what's the point.<P>Any comments would be appreciated<P>gmc900

Hi gmc900,<BR>It must be a great relief for you to be focused and have an answer. That is my goal, I have been asking God since Aug, what to do in my marriage. H cheated bad and wants to stay married and work it out. We are Christians so it kind of makes it hard for me in ways as I get conflicting messages.<P>I prayed yesterday, and basically expressed my desire to divorce and asked God if he wanted me to stay to change my heart ( a major miracle) I feel if I had to decide today, I would leave because he did this so long and with so many. It's just soooo much to get beyond, yet I'm not 100 percent sure thats what I should do. Until the lights come on for me I live in limbo.<P>I just wanted to encourage you that as hard as it is to face, you have to be thankful for an answer. There has to be peace in knowing God answered you prayer.<P>Take care and live in the peace you found.