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I'm very active at work and only drive a few minutes to my job also my lunch breaks are only allotted 30 minutes which is usually spent eating. I will listen to them nightly, I promise.
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I would love to talk with her and invite to look at places, problem is I'm still getting the silent treatment and now she's acting like she's single on social media. This whole ordeal might be over, unless this is common for post exposed WS'. Hardly, no. Never heard of an exposed WW making dinner for the exposer - or being quiet! Unmitigated rage and false domestic violence charges more like. Your girlfriend isn't married, isn't ashamed, is able to just tweak her social media profile to go from 'relationship' to 'single' - That's her right. As for the silent treatment, I'm sure that won't last and she still has her judging eye on your suitability as a life partner. You're the only one she can really co-parent with. Invite her to do things and don't mind if she snubs you at first.
Last edited by indiegirl; 03/04/15 03:03 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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It's really tough to get a read on her, this may be a game to her since I've told her to talk to me when she's done talking to her lover, so instead she sends me pics of herself and my daughter and makes me dinner but doesn't say a word. She's also been calling me nightly and putting our daughter on the phone so I can say goodnight. This is all a mess. 
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Sir,
I haven't read your thread but I understand that you lived with a woman, have a child together and now your girlfriend is cheating on you.
Have you done a background check on this guy?
Also, I read a few posts about exposure and Dr. Harley typically only recommends exposure when the couple is married. Exposure when you are not married can expose you to legal issues.
Have you consulted with an attorney?
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I second the legal consult, you need advice on your parenting rights too.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yeah, I think I will get a flat so I can date her appropriately and set aside more time for her. Should I get a one or two bed room in case my daughter visits? Consult with an attorney or local fathers rights group on this question.
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I have, they said because I'm the primary care provider and that I have proof of her being unfaithful despite not being married getting at least joint custody should be no issue.
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Attorney or fathers rights group? No attorney would advise a cheating girlfriend factors in a custody case. It doesn't. If an attorney said it, get a new one. Primary caregiver, yes, can make a big difference. You said you work - how are you the primary caregiver? Didn't grandparents help out? I'd like to know if you got this advice from an attorney.
Remember, as hard as this sounds, you must NOT hold her to the standards expected of a wife. She can be "single".
It was treating her like a wife without commitment that led to her detaching. SHOW her that she is worth more than that. SHOW her that you no longer take it for granted.
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I have, they said because I'm the primary care provider and that I have proof of her being unfaithful despite not being married getting at least joint custody should be no issue. Well I know you can get joint custody. But you have to claim it and if you aren't married you may have to establish paternity. As alis said, you are not married so there is no issue with her being "unfaithful." She never promised to be faithful to you legally. You may need the attorney in case she tries to move out of state with this other man. Did you do a background check on him?
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A local attorney friend of mine, he said if it came down to a court debate that evidence may help but would not be concrete. He also stated since due to my State I am her legal father since I'm on the birth certificate that we both signed.
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Any advice on her current silent treatment hold out? I want to talk to her and show her I care but I get nothing in return when I say these things. Just a cold icy shoulder, my current plan is to initiate a little sample of plan B until she's ready to talk. But I don't know if that's appropriate.
No I haven't done a background check on this person as of yet.
Last edited by uglyorgan; 03/04/15 12:56 PM.
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I'm very active at work and only drive a few minutes to my job also my lunch breaks are only allotted 30 minutes which is usually spent eating. I will listen to them nightly, I promise. Did you listen last night?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I listened to all the back logs files I was provided but not the live show unfortunately.
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Any advice on her current silent treatment hold out? I want to talk to her and show her I care but I get nothing in return when I say these things. Just a cold icy shoulder, my current plan is to initiate a little sample of plan B until she's ready to talk. But I don't know if that's appropriate.
No I haven't done a background check on this person as of yet. Plan B is not appropriate for you and nor is Plan A (exposure and confronting OM) because you are not married. You need to woo her persistently, kindly and patiently. Even a married man would not Plan B at this state unless he was OK with divorce. Plan B does not work at all on women. Or much on men for that matter. It is to protect the BS.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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my current plan is to initiate a little sample of plan B until she's ready to talk. I'm afraid you don't know what Plan B is or what it is for or what its effects are. Don't do this if you want to marry this woman. What happened to writing her a letter proposing marriage and lifelong fidelity?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Plan B is not something that is done in "samples." If you do that you are not doing Plan B, you are doing Plan C/Plan Chaos/Plan Crazy, and you better not expect much success.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You will NOT woo her back by playing games.
Remember, she has fallen out of love. She fell out of love because you were not serious about commitment. How on earth are going to attract her by pretending you care... But you don't care enough.
Again, same pattern as before. Her conclusion: he doesnt actually care enough. He's just mad I am moving on.
Do you want to marry her? Be honest. How can you claim that if you are not willing to commit to wooing her?
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These don't match: Honestly I would say that I am willing to put in the work and learn the tools necessary for this to work. I listened to all the back logs files I was provided but not the live show unfortunately. Are you under the impression the tools are easy to learn without an hour of free expert help per day? Best opportunity you could possibly get and you are passing it up.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Plan b was just used as an example, I should have stated I'd respond to her no contact with my own until she cools off. Which I did and we are currently in talks. It appears she wants me around and wants to do things with me but doesn't want a relationship and wants to collect herself. When I offered marriage she shot it down stating we both need to get back in touch with ourselves and work past this ordeal. I am currently in the process of getting my own flat and going from there. This is a start but it'll take a lot of patience and effort, as far as the lover goes I don't have any clue on what's going on there nor do I have any leverage to request she cut off contact and change jobs though I know it's inevitable. But for now I'm going to go back to courting her.
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Read the thread, work has been stopping the radio show, and book is in transit. After reading the Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders thread, what questions did you have about it?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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