Dang it, yup!!

My post to you at the very end of your last thread says it all. There's no need for me to repeat it for you, I think. If you won't expend the effort to go find that post, read it, and do what it says, nobody here can help you in any way.

I don't know if you religious or not, but even if you are not this quotation from the book of James in the Bible might be of interest to you:

"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

You can look in the mirror and see the mess and clean it up, or you can look in the mirror and run away.

Schlag, I am truly sorry that you are going through the pain of a revenge affair, and I am truly sorry for what you, your wife, and your kids are going through.

Schlag, you minimize your behaviors. With each little looksee, checksee, told her that you didn't want her and wanted someone different. But now you magically don't? Of couse she doesn't believe your back-pedaling words more than your destructive habits.

Think of the kid who bullies away until someone decides to "teach him a lesson." You would think that the kid would learn to stop hurting. Nope. He feels entitled. When the principle calls him in he points at the other guy and cries foul.

And the kid wonders why no one wants to hang out with him.



Your wife thought , again, that she could have a happy family. You raised her hopes only to make her out for a fool.

I don't think it's okay. But can you hear her now?

Markos, you're right of course. And yes, I am deeply religious. And I am the man who forgets his face. It's all too easy for me to do because I can pretty much only hyperfocus on one thing at a time in life. Otherwise I'm just trying to keep all the plates spinning. I am so sick that I didn't do what you said. I went to counseling with Amy. I focused on my faith. We dealt with money problems and kid problems and medical problems and Amy started full time school. We (I) did everything BUT that which would have saved us.

When we were first divorced and dating again I was focused on MB principles and letting everything else slide, life was magical. But I could never be consistent. It's the story of my life, really. I've been a failure in anything that requires consistent disciplined effort for a long period of time. I've been a spectacular success in short and medium term efforts like schools and projects and things like that. Winning Amy back. The first time, anyway.


I appreciate your kind words more than you know. Believe it or not it's not a revenge affair. When she closed the door on her heart to me and opened it up to others, he was right there every day just like always. A good guy who now had the opportunity to be there for her emotionally and distracted her from the pain of the end of our marriage. It may be an affair technically but it isn't revenge. And she is really really happy to be with someone who doesn't have a million triggers and pain in the butt EPs and anxiety all the time. She tells me it isn't revenge but did make a comment about how justice was finally being served or something like that. But it wasn't her goal going in to it.

Thanks. Amy and everyone that loves her tell me I am. I guess I just figured it must be true.

Yup. Sure can.

x 2

Continuing to live together is unhealthy for everyone. Don't pick easy. Spare everyone a lot more grief.

Believe me, it would be a lot easier for me to move out. I'm choosing the harder path for me. Especially since I have to watch her move on with her life and be with someone else. We have agreed on boundaries and schedules and are working it out. There's certainly no way I could move out. I guess Amy could move out if she wanted to. She's gone a lot more than I am. But as long as I leave her alone and don't try to change her mind or make comments about what she's doing we're fine.

I can't for the life of me imagine why you can't move out. Sounds like excuses.

Bit of a martyr complex going on here, will either of you, for once, think about how the children will feel while they witness this?

x2

There is absolutely NO consideration for what your lifestyle is teaching your kids here. None. You are both living very selfish lifestyles that are harming your children immensely.

This is a cop out...which is your usual spin. You are simply lazy and want to hang around/on.

x 3

Partly financial reasons. Southern CA, single income family of 6. We were barely scraping by before filing. But mostly logistical reasons. See below.


Why is it unhealthy? If I leave after the kids are in bed and go sleep in a room somewhere and then show up before they wake up to make their lunches and feed them breakfast and get them ready for school, what's the difference - I won't have to watch my wife leave looking hot for someone else? And she leaves a lot - another reason why it would be senseless to move out. I have to be there anyway to watch the kids whenever she wants to leave.


Witness what? They seem to be pretty excited to have this fun new guy in their life. And we fight less than we did before filing. She is going to have him around the kids on the weekends whether I sleep there or not.

Six months ago I changed my work hours (with great difficulty and a special waiver, mind you) so that I could get up every day and make the kids' lunches and feed them breakfast and get them ready for school and take them to their schools by 8:30. This is not a trivial matter when the kids are 11/9/6/3. I get to work at 9 and work until 6:15 pm, pick up the 6 yr old from gymnastics 3 nights a week, getting home just in time to feed them dinner and put them to bed. Rinse, repeat. I do ALL the laundry. I do ALL the home maintenance / yardwork. I do ALL finance management. I do ALL the management of our 9 yr old son's type 1 diabetes that was diagnosed 2 months ago. I do 80% of the cleaning. I do 100% of the meal planning and grocery buying. When the kids get sick at school, it's MY problem. It has been this way for 6 months and will be this way for 6 more. Lazy? Really? It would delight the "Taker" in me to leave and watch Amy try to survive.

Spinning, spinnin, spinnin, keep them doggies spinning, RAWHIIIIIDE!!

You won't get a father of the year award for destroying their family and placing craigslist hoe trolling and slapping the ole salami before their best interest. What a load of crap!

This just sums it up for me. You seem to think that if the kids are not exposed to actual fighting - they are not seeing anything weird.

You don't think so? It creeps me out that they are 'excited' by their mother's lover. That their dad trolls the web in secret but presents this picture of domestic super dad. Their getting excited about their mother's close guy friend is odd - you must have both done a number on them to get that delusional point. Not to mention the fact that their parents are not in love, lying to them, not a team - and this is presented as a normal picture.

If you persuade your kids to copy the outer picture - then they automatically inherit the inner picture too. If pretending, lying and OS friends become their normality then affairs will too. They can't be sold on the pretence that covers up this behaviour without teaching them how to have affairs. If OS friendships and lying are in their future, then affairs are too.

So what that they don't see fighting? Aside form the act no child ever should - what they are seeing is way creepier and more easily imprinted on them.

I cannot believe how much emphasis you are placing on domestic duties when the real basics are being ignored.

You betrayed your family - who cares how many grocery runs you did?

It's absolutely a trivial matter. How you can seriously try to take credit for how the kids are fed when affairs are going on.....

You knew with your very first affair that the kids risked only being cared for by one parent. You knew the risk of splitting up their family.

There are many betrayed parents who have done far more than this who never did a thing to deserve being left alone.