Thanks for the response. He is a consultant and the job is about 600 miles from home.

The hotel is his 2nd home. You might even say it is his 1st. I called him out in front of a group of friends last night because he sometimes slips up when he is actually home and calls his "work city" home. One of my daughters confirmed it in front of god and everyone. He of course, did not like being called out.

We had considered moving to his work city, but there were always reasons to stay in the city with family. I would have happily moved, but now I don't even want to visit. I would be afraid that I would loose it if I visited now knowing what I know.

Thanks for the concern indiegirl.

Sleep has been a hard commodity to come by for many years. I am ashamed to say that Ambien is a close friend.

I am hanging in there taking it one day at a time and putting a plan of action together to finally stop living in limbo.

Just messed up and did FindMyPhone on his cell and he got an email and asked me about it. I told him I wanted to be able to find him if I needed to and asked him not to turn it off. He is home for the next two weeks so I have to play it a little more careful than I would if he was at his "work home".

Again, many thanks. Sometimes it is hard to see thru the fog, but I have made it this far and know the fog will lift someday in the near future even if it seems SUPER thick right now. The sun will shine.

You called him out on what?

Have you put spyware on his phone?

What is the point of putting Findmyphone on his phone? What can this accomplish when he is working in another city? I don't get it. There's better things you can do, but I think it's all nonsense because your gut is the best indicator. Your intuition knows there is something wrong and you are not crazy or paranoid. We all went through this stage....wanting desperately to believe our husbands explanations. Tell your husband you want the truth and ask him if he would take a lie detector test. If he comes out clean, maybe then you can decide if he can stay at his job and consider moving to that city. Explain to him you need to be sure before you can make the decision to move your family. Tell him you want to save your marriage and have a loving secure marriage. But, if he refuses to take the test (which I can bet on), you have your answer, which is that he is a cheater, liar, betrayer. Sorry but that's all there is to it. You need to take a stand for your sanity.

Wenang,

the point was made that she whould quietly snoop zo gather evidence. Throwing in his face that she does not trust him is not helpful at this point and may lead him to be more stealth. Gathering the evidence to expose his behaviour if he is indeed having affairs with other women is important and would be more convincing than a polygraph to many people.

Flexyspy may be a good option for the phone and eblaster is good for the computer.

happyheart: I get the point of trying to get the evidence, but if husband is at home (not away on business), the phone think won't catch anything. Secondly, if he goes to the other city for work, he is already staying at a hotel, so how would the phone be helpful?

Need: what have you done to check on him so far? his wallet? pockets, car, computer history (do you know how to do this?). No one is that good at hiding everything and you will see something amiss. Look for receipts being paid by cash. check the garbage cans. Or...hire a PI in the city he is working to tail him. You'll have all the evidence in a day or two.

Thanks Happy!

You are right wenang! The whole gps tracking him at the hotel is pointless. I was just testing the FindMyPhone to see if he had it turned on or off. The hotel has always been an issue and since he is such good buddies with the hotel staff and guests I don't think they would be helpful in catching him. The PI is the way to go at this point. I just have to wait for him to go back to work and try not to act so suspicious in the meantime (which is really hard).

Another thought I had if he does not seem to be pursuing the jobs at home is to call his boss in the other city and tell her I need him to come home and why (expose). I think she would be very sympathetic. He has followed up with the 2 jobs here, but has to wait and see how it plays out. Not sure how long I should wait for those to play out before I force the issue. Jobs in our home town that require his skills are few and far between unfortunately. I don't want to move to his 2nd home city and I don't think he would be willing to move the family to another city where the job market would be better (totally selfish but that is the way it has always been). I would be more than willing to move. There are much better job markets for my profession other places as well.

For now I am just hanging in there and at least putting a plan together. All your comments and recommendations are very helpful and motivating. Thanks!

Have you read our exposure thread? I would stick very rigidly to the advice contained in there. You expose to a number of key figures in the workplace.

This is so that one person can't sweep it under the rug - it has to be dealt with.

I think your husbands workplace is a den of adultery which enables cheating. One person on her own might be too scared to take it further.

Probably most of the bossess know about it. You should still expose to them, but make sure you hit them in the hardest and most embarrassing way possible by targeting a few senior people.

Just wanted to post an update. Prayers really do get answered! My husband was offered and accepted a position here in our home town so no more traveling to the "other" city. It will be an adjustment for all, but I believe we have a much better chance of finding the lost love, trust and friendship that we lost so long ago.

Hopefully this is a new start for our marriage and family. Still lots to work on, but it feels as though we are turning the corner FINALLY!

Next hurdle is to deal with the FIL. Stayed tuned...

He needs to follow the entire checklist for surviving an affair and this program, which means no unenthusiastic decisions forced on you. If you say no contact with dad, thats that.

I'd be wary about his affair finally ending without verifying on spyware. An affair can survive very happily online.