Either your marriage is a place of stress and concerns or it is a romantic escape from those things.

You do have to actually make time for your marriage. You can't phone it in and hand her word prompts.

Your need for affection would be met when she is so overflowing with love it is not possible to overlook.

I don't think you want love which is this forced and coerced.

Senator_H, the best advice I can give you is to start listening to Dr. Harley's free Marriage Builders Radio show, daily. You have no idea what treasures of marital bliss are in store for you if you will let Dr. Harley guide you through the material and help you learn to put ALL of the parts of this program into practice in your marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. I have tuned in the radio a few times. Good Ideas.

Other phrases I am developing asking admiration from my wife:

* Can you tell me that I am a great organizer of our receipts and tax papers?

* Can you tell me that I have all the boxes of receipts properly labeled for past years archives?

* Can you tell me that you appreciate my coordinating with tax preparers to get the taxes in in a timely manner?

* Can you tell me that you appreciate my rinsing off the dishes,so there are no food particles left?

* Can you tell me that you appreciate my making the household bill payments on time?

* Can you give me a hug to recognize my efforts in my keeping my job?




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How do you intend to use those phrases to improve your marriage?

It is not clear to me what help you are asking for, if any.

Pretty sure that even if she was agreeable it would ring very hollow.

No, Senator. People like you and me, who come here with marriages in terrible shape, need to be listening EVERY DAY and getting all the help we can get.

If you're not listening daily and are mixing and matching with stuff from every other marriage counselor you like, you are only going to get more and more miserable.

You have been here for years and you are still not getting what you want in your marriage. WHY NOT TRY MARRIAGE BUILDERS?

You have looked at a bunch of marriage counseling stuff from different sources and you are still not getting what you want in your marriage. WHY NOT TRY MARRIAGE BUILDERS?

You have listened to Dr. Harley's radio program a few times and thinks he has good ideas and you are still not getting what you want in your marriage. WHY NOT TRY MARRIAGE BUILDERS?

The problem is not that you are not asking for admiration.

you are still not getting what you want in your marriage. WHY NOT TRY MARRIAGE BUILDERS?

Have you ever considered using Marriage Builders?

A short cut!

Of lets pretend that what is important to Me is important to you....

Does your spouse give you as many words of Admiration as you might enjoy?

What additional words of Admiration might you appreciate?

If you were to ask your spouse for some additional Admiration, how might you ask?


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Did you fill out the emotional needs questionsire with your spouse?
If you want more admiration it is important to nnow that this need meeting is imbedded in a mutual fulfilling relationship. That is why the 15 hours of undivided attention are so important.

Admiration isn't about using phrases like a football play-by-play for every task done around the house.

It can be as simple as expressing a genuine appreciation each day.

For example, my H worked OT recently so we could buy a nice tent. I told him I appreciated his extra effort so we could have a better camping experience this summer. If he asked me to thank him for "keeping his job", I'd be confused. Why would I thank him for that? He doesn't thank me for feeding our kids lunch. Its our duties.

Admiration is not ego feeding.

How rude of you to ignore everything SugarCane had to say to you.

SugarCane is one of the people who helped me save my marriage, Senator. Now I DO get the words of admiration I want in my marriage. If you will listen to her and people like her, answer her questions, and try her suggestions, you will probably get what you are looking for in your marriage, as well.

You are asking how to use a screwdriver to install a nail. You are asking how to use the wrong tool for the job. Asking for additional admiration is NOT the way to do it!

You've been here so many years, Senator - try the program that works. I'm not asking you to buy anything - Marriage Builders is a FREE program that you can use to get the admiration you need in your marriage.

You are ignoring me, but if you would listen more and talk less, we could guide you to getting what you are looking for.

First you need to drop your preconceptions. Quit asking for advice on how to use your solutions - your solutions won't work, and if they did, you wouldn't be in this situation.

Senator, Did you listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show for Friday, March 20?

Senator H,

I have taken the time to not only read your recent posts, but also your post from many years ago.
My question to you is:
Have you ever considered the possibility that you may have Aspergers?
If you do, that can explain why you have so much trouble with your family members, who do not behave in a way that you find pleasant.

My second question:
Will you contact Dr Harley directly, so that he can help you?

I don't understand how my answers to these questions are relevant. How will my feelings about words of admiration - for me - help your marriage?

I'm interested in trying to help you, but I don't understand what you are seeking help with. You have never made it clear, across all the threads you have started on the subject of words of admiration. You have come here repeatedly with lists of words, but it has never been clear what you want us to do with these lists.

Could you try and answer me without turning the questions back on me? I'm not the one seeking help with this topic, so it is completely pointless to ask this question of me, or anybody else here.

I understand that your wife does not say the words of admiration that you would like her to say.

Do you want her to say the specific words in your lists? If so, have you ever asked her to say them?

Do you think that if she said those specific words, you would feel admired? If so, again I ask if you have ever asked her to say them.

If this is not what you are asking for help with, then could you please try and explain how you want us to help?