I was wondering if some of the veterans could link to their stories and/or post short summaries of their stories? I have pieced together a few of the stories--Indiegirl, Markos and Prisca, Jedi Knight--but I'd like to know more if possible. Of course, this isn't a priority in the face of saving marriage, but it's great to know people's experiences if possible.

I can give you a tip on this, so that you can search users' posts whenever you want to:

If you click the person's name, you get a drop-down menu. Choose "view posts". From there, go to the top right of the screen and select "Topics created". From that much smaller list, you can usually work out which threads contains the user's own story.

If I do this on your name, I can see your thread in Surviving an Affair, a Prayer Request thread and this new one. The SaA thread is obviously the one that contains your story.

Thank you! THis is extremely helpful. There are still some though that have threads/stories that are too old for this method, but I will check it out.

I don't think that can be true. I've used that method for really ancient posters and their threads. I've successfully looked at threads from 2000, and I've never been denied access because of age.

If there are many threads, then at the bottom of the page there are page numbers. Go backwards through the pages to find older threads.

Thanks!

I'd also like to have a single thread that links to all the affair-busting success stories (including the really old ones from posters that are no longer hanging around). Is that something that would be allowed?

I've been working on gathering stories of those who did not follow some aspect of the program and the negative consequences. I've only been marginally successful though. It takes a lot of searching and reading. And lots of people never come back to report their failures which is understandable.

I'd like to do it in categories. For example,

1. Continued working with the AP. Links to bad outcomes.
2. Refused to move away. Links to bad outcomes.

And so on.

That's also a good idea. If the poster had later success, they can always come back and post again, but it's probably safe to assume that they failed in their efforts.

Some of the ancient threads are in the Archived Forum. There are sub-topics which you may find helpful and as S_C stated you can click on the username to find posts and created threads by a poster.

In 2009, there was a crash and several months (?) of posts were lost. You may also run into the problem of people forgetting their original username/password and re-registering with a new name years later if they do come back to give an update.

We do have the False Recovery thread that Pepperband created. That is regularly bumped for new posters. It does not separate failures into specific kinds, but it does the job that you'd like to see, I think.

Here are two success stories I can think of off the bat:

Justthe3ofus
wifedivorcing

Both of those threads are quite inspirational.

Yes that's the closest thing we have right now

Now that I am reminded of Pepperband's False recoveries thread, I can see how useful it would be to have a Success Stories thread. You could create one, Piglet, and invite people to post to it! (I think that would be a bit more ethical than linking stories without permission.)

However, perhaps the thread starter would need to define the "success" that they are looking for.

For example, divorce is sometimes the best outcome, but would you really be creating a thread looking for divorce stories? My suspicion is that you are defining "success" as the recovery of the marriage. People divorce all the time, and they don't need MB to do it, but only the successful use of MB can lead to an "MB" recovered marriage.

Would you want successes that ONLY used MB principles? There are some people posting now who did things like tell a WW to leave the home, and the marriage recovered. That is something that Dr H generally advises against. Would you include such stories?

There are "veterans" - mainly no longer posting - who fought and killed the affair and got the WS to stay, but the marriage has not been terribly happy since. They did a great job of fighting off the predator OP, exposing, protecting their kids etc, but the recovery never really happened. I have my own favourite poster who ended up in that position, and who finally left MB in anger because we insisted that the bar could be set higher. There was also a long-time poster who did a great Plan B and got her H back, and was very thankful for that, but who then endured a sexless marriage for years.

I'm, just using those examples to question how you would define success, and whether you would include those on a thread.

If you could successfully define what you mean, then such a thread would be a great idea. It would be good if there were stories that were not only about affairs, too. There are terrible problems with angry spouses, neglect, addiction and abuse in the 101 forum (and actually, more in Dr H's private forum), that have been turned around. It would be great if they could be highlighted. Would these different kinds of stories all be on one thread?

I have yet to see any wayward husbands coming back after a long time in Plan B. It's very sad.

Ouch.

I realized that came off as harsh and I apologize, which is why I deleted it. I do apologize SC. There is no excuse for rudeness.

I wasn't trying to make more work for anyone. For me, your suggestion of looking through the threads using existing tools was great. If others want to put together threads with other criteria, that I great.

Thanks again and I hope you'll forgive my rudeness. I have a bad habit of reacting before thinking (it might be a reason I am in the situation I am in).

I was the one who asked for success stories, but I'd be more interested in affair-busting stories. However, successful divorce stories would also be helpful. Perhaps they could be separate threads. Jedi Knight's story is certainly a success story, for example, even though it ended in divorce.

I do like this idea, not sure how it should be implemented. It can be very encouraging or interesting to read other people's threads on here. Part of what makes this community so great.

I used the method that SugarCane suggested and looked up a few original threads. MelodyLane's story is pretty awesome, for instance.

I haven't seen it much in my time here either, but honestly, I have seen very few people do a good Plan B. Of those few that have done a super job the whole time period, many BWs moved on before it got to be a very long PB. Women in general get impatient I think: and why not? I can think of quite a few of those. Or there are those who had husbands who were quite a piece of work even pre A. You just don't expect that type to have the road to Damascus experience. They just get another mistress.

I think over time, or with more BWs doing it the entire term and by the book, you'd see more FWH returns. Vets would have to correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure there are some solid success stories with a long Plan B. I think sexymamabear was one but her story predates me.