It is good that you didn't send that. Really, what possible outcome would you be looking for? At best she could say she was sorry for hurting you, which would NOT make you feel better about this. But more than likely it would make her feel bad about something she can't change. So is your intention to make her feel bad? If not, what is your intention to share this with her?

I understand, I always wanted my H to 'get it.' It is hard to grasp the fact that they cannot comprehend the pain or all the things that go through a betrayed persons mind. It is hard to realize that they will never understand or 'get it' in that way. But constant reminders or badgering will not shock her into a new realization of what she has put you through.

I am just constantly triggered lately. I know that it will get better, but for now I am just suffering. I do have a lot of built up resentment, which causes me to love bust on occasion.

We have been struggling a little in the UA department. Sometimes I want to just be with her, and relax and talk to her, but she can�t stand to just hang out. She always has to be busy doing something. Like yesterday I got home from work, and sat down on the couch in our room, and said �Come sit by me�, and she said was too busy. I just wanted to hold her and talk after a long day at work, so it makes me feel like I am pretty far back on her priority list.

Thanks unwritten, I can see that you have had a lot of the same feelings that I am going through�

But you do know that UA time is NOT "just hanging out", and her always being busy is one reason why it cannot be so.

UA time is going out on dates. Staying at home and talking leads to the temptation, for many people, to catch up on jobs and bustle around the house. I am like that myself. My kids are grown up and out of the house all day, and my husband is retired and IN the house all day, and yet whenever I am at home, if I am not doing my paid work (using the computer), I am tidying this, cleaning that and wiping the other. if you want to talk to me, you need to follow me around.

If my husband takes me out, however, I will put on nice clothes, put on my lip gloss, and gladly leave my domestic self at home. I am a different person if he takes me out, even for a walk.

I can't remember without reading back through this long thread: is your wife amenable to booking dates out of the home?

Lots of us have had these feelings. UA time will help immensely.

AM

Thank you, unwritten, for posting this.

I helps to know that it's okay that my hurt isn't fully understood by my spouse. He's been over OW for years and I remember too much.

So, I thought I would come on here for some advice, and also just to get things off my mind. Right now I am dealing with major temptations to look at pornography, and masterbaite. I have struggled with this off and on for years, but I especially struggle when I am stressed and or discouraged. The last time I gave into the temptation was November of 2014. Since then I have managed it very well. Last November when I did do that, I was struggling with similar feelings to what I feel now.

Pretty much today I had made up my mind that I was going to give in after work, and my mind was justifying the reasons why I should. Like �I don�t feel wanted by my wife lately�, or things of that nature. Well I got a random text from my wife that said �You are my one and only�. Well, needless to say this really hit me hard, because I really needed to hear that. So I texted her back and said �Thank you! I really needed to hear that�. Anyways, this gave me some strength, and I am going to try and get back on track and get out of this slump.

Should I talk to my wife about this. Should I tell her that I don�t feel wanted lately? I just mostly need some support, and advice. A few things to note, and that I recognize are major contributing factors, are that we are not getting enough quality UA time lately, and I am still triggered often by her emotional affair. I need to discuss with her how to fix this.

Dr. Harley would encourage you to talk to your wife about this.

If you dont get the 20 hours of UA time weekly, you will not have a romantic successful marriage.