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[
I 100% take ownership of my actions in this matter and understand that you disagree. That's fine, we will keep this on the front burner until it is resolved. You can't afford to cut corners. This is a critical exposure that can't be ignored. After all, this is a workplace related affair. I must be completely confused then because I wrote down and re-listened and they said at one point that I could do it in stages with the boss. That stage has ARRIVED! You have exposed to stage 1 people. Stage 2 has arrived. Get er done!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He called my mother and tried to tell her it wasn't an emotional affair and that I was going crazy.
My mother told him she is praying for us and wants us to be together desperately but that he was having an emotional affair whether he thinks so or not. You know, I'd bet dollars to donuts that this is a physical affair. Affairs are like icebergs; the visible part is only a small piece of what is usually there.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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H just told me that he was "happy to share" what OW has meant to him over the last few months as a friend, and that she has supported our working on our marriage 100%.
He also wanted to know when I violated his privacy.
He is canceling all our plans together for the next few weeks.
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H just told me that he was "happy to share" what OW has meant to him over the last few months as a friend, and that she has supported our working on our marriage 100%.
He also wanted to know when I violated his privacy.
He is canceling all our plans together for the next few weeks. Birdy, did you send the exposure letter to his boss? This needs to be wrapped up. And we expect him to be angry about exposure. He is irrational. If you are just spreading the good news, why would be punish you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I thought I had his boss' phone number or something but I do not. An e-mail or Facebook is out of the question since my husband is the one that controls both of those for his boss and would see it first.
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I thought I had his boss' phone number or something but I do not. An e-mail or Facebook is out of the question since my husband is the one that controls both of those for his boss and would see it first. Why would your husband see his bosses emails?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Does his boss not get his own emails?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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At minute 45 in the radio program, Dr. Harley says, in no uncertain terms, that you are to expose to his boss now.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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No the only e-mail I have for his boss is the account my husband manages for him.
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No the only e-mail I have for his boss is the account my husband manages for him. I would stay on this until you find a way to reach him directly.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No the only e-mail I have for his boss is the account my husband manages for him. Do you see any emails from the boss on the iPad? And how are your exposures coming?? Is your H still texting you with threats? How are you doing?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are his Contacts on the iPad?
Can't you call the company they work for and just ask for his boss by name?
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Also, is the boss on LinkedIn? Several of my contacts have their phone numbers listed there.
You're doing really great...just finish off this one piece and then you can check exposure off of your list. It will feel good when this part isn't hanging over your head anymore.
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Yes, ^^ exactly what JenDee said.
We are all rooting for you Birdy.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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You are doing GREAT and are very brave. What did you say to the OW? Did you firmly tell her that she is to have NO further contact with your husband?
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You could just ring the company and ask to speak to the boss.His boss is a very valuable exposure target as workplace affairs are frowned upon because of the risk to the company not only whilst the A is thriving but when the A falls apart. It exposes the company to all sorts of potential risks.
Exposure bursts the A fantasy bubble, reality and any disruption to the A is good.
You need to ignore what WH says, they all say similar things - you have ruined my life, you have breached my privacy, you are immature, foolish ....... This is all said to make you stop because you are hitting the mark.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Great job, Birdy. You're doing this right.
Don't be fooled by your husband's complaints about privacy. Privacy is not something that exists between spouses. I'm sure he's had no problem watching you dress and undress over the years so he's not much of an advocate for your privacy either.
No, what he wants is SECRECY and that is a very different thing. Don't let him threaten you on this. He has no legal right to privacy from you since he is your husband. His excuses are right off the script for way wards.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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I just listened to your show and read through your thread and have some comments and support to offer. Will BRB...
Last edited by SusieQ; 07/10/15 08:10 PM.
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[
I 100% take ownership of my actions in this matter and understand that you disagree. That's fine, we will keep this on the front burner until it is resolved. You can't afford to cut corners. This is a critical exposure that can't be ignored. After all, this is a workplace related affair. I must be completely confused then because I wrote down and re-listened and they said at one point that I could do it in stages with the boss. That stage has ARRIVED! You have exposed to stage 1 people. Stage 2 has arrived. Get er done! I just want to point out that Dr Harley emphasized to you that people on the FORUM know all about exposure and ending an affair, since they have been through it themselves and have read about others' experiences here. I would urge you to follow MelodyLane's advice on these little nuances in terms of timing, she KNOWS exactly what she is talking about. I sent my little sister here in 2009 with a WH in the throes of a workplace affair and ML almost single-handedly walked her through the exposure and KILLED the affair. They are recovered today.
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Here are some problems with trickle exposure:
(a) all you are going to do is enrage the WS ALL OVER AGAIN when you do your next "wave" exposure - this is more stressful for you in the long run and less effective on killing the affair
and
(b) give them time to "spin" the affair to others before you can get to them.
Last edited by SusieQ; 07/10/15 08:19 PM.
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