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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Thank you all for your comments and recommendations
To summarize these are some of the steps I noted:
1. Have my wife join the discussion forum.
2. Quit my Job
3. Move to a new city
4. My wife should Expose the OW
5. No women friends
6. Make it impossible to have contact with the OW
7. Have my wife understand that she should not trust me for a long time because I am at risk of having another affair in my current situation. This is a very good list! I'm a bit concerned that *you* exposed the affair and not your wife. Though it's a good sign you embrace exposure, it's your wife who needs to access her own support structure. She is the victim and the one who calls for help. The more help she gets, the more you will heal too. The OW in your situation sounds particularly dangerous, a serial cheat who is free to contact you at any time. Please encourage your wife to come here for advice on protecting herself.
Last edited by indiegirl; 07/22/15 03:59 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Dr Harley sometimes recommends anti depressants when withdrawing from the affair partner, but it sounds like your job situation is such a huge trigger that needs resolving first.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
Dr Harley sometimes recommends anti depressants when withdrawing from the affair partner, but it sounds like your job situation is such a huge trigger that needs resolving first. He recommends antidepressants for newly betrayed spouses, too. The trauma of affair discovery trumps anything the wayward goes through.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842 |
Im glad you exposed your affair. But the fog likely prevented you from doing this correctly. Exposure is to help you stay accountable AND to gain support for your wife.
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 31
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 31 |
If you were a decent person at least for part of your life then it'll bother you forever and ever. It should, it's the worst level of betrayal one human can commit against another. If you're a sociopath it won't bother you a bit.
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 7 |
I think it would be better said that I confessed my affair rather than exposed it. But it stopped me from communicating with the OW, start the process of healing with my wife and help me deal with my issues and learn to become a better husband.
My wife is not interested in exposing anybody, coming to this forum, and she feels that this is my issue and I need to deal with it myself. She is also not interested in talking with others (she wants to keep this private). I on the other hand want to tell everyone in the hope that they may learn from my mistakes.
We are going to counsoling and hopefully we will be able to deal with these issues.
Last edited by PhotoMemo; 07/22/15 07:40 PM.
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