|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Take heart my friend, a little trouble and this guy is likely to run like a pansy. He sees your wife as black book material and will be easily run off.
I think your mini exposure last time was a bit of a denunciation, and 'I'm done' announcement. You want to aim a bit more for an 'I'm fighting for her' tone and expose to her side, yours and expose OM too.
This standard letter is good. If it's the guy you suspect I'd add in something like 'he is the man she was also having an affair with during her first marriage'.
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.
I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support.
Warmest regards,
_________________________
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571 |
I'm not sure how she booked it, but on many websites the standard booking is for two adults and she may just not have noticed or bothered to change it. It usually doesn't change the price of the room.
Not saying this isn't a red flag, but by itself it's not really conclusive that (a) she is actually staying in the room with a second person and (b) who that person is. You need more intel so keep snooping.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I would not be able to handle the thought of her sleeping with another man. That is why you need to find out the truth. Don't confront her. Find the truth. Learn and follow the MB plan - don't make stuff up.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209 |
Also wondering if she's really house sitting or if her friend is planning to look after son?
Don't spill any detective beans. Try to stay calm.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
I'm not sure how she booked it, but on many websites the standard booking is for two adults and she may just not have noticed or bothered to change it. It usually doesn't change the price of the room.
Not saying this isn't a red flag, but by itself it's not really conclusive that (a) she is actually staying in the room with a second person and (b) who that person is. You need more intel so keep snooping. I checked this. Default is 1 adult. U have to choose two adults. Doesn't change fee in this case.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
You should get your thread moved over to Surviving an Affair.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
Is there anything i can do, an approach, that if she is wracked with guilt and crying etc, that i might be able to reach her to stop this some other way?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
When I couldn't sleep last night because my heart was beating so loudly my whole body was throbbing, I wrote her a poem.
Life is moments, lots of little capsules of time
It doesn't seem that many moments ago
that we met and started to fall in love
and travel through this universe together
I am a richer human being because of the moments
you have gifted me
You are a pillar that my world
is rooted in and obtains oxygen from
You are light and heavenly
sweet, a catalyst of love and forgiveness
empathy, consideration, beautiful smiles
and kilometres of facilitated contentment
I lost my way
chosen nails instead of silk
Poured vinegar and salt into wounds
turned love into hate
If tears could open gates
I would kneel and offer
an infinity of apologies
request forgiveness for half of my sins
I have shattered all the atoms
that once for granted
provided all the happiness I could
ever wish for
I dream, a moment of breathing
the air you exhale
stroke your hair
whisper poppet again
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
Maybe I could write a relationship / life plan and ask to meet with her and present the plan to her?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Maybe I could write a relationship / life plan and ask to meet with her and present the plan to her? Why? She's having an affair. You need to find out who the OM is, and expose them. That is your only hope.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Is there anything i can do, an approach, that if she is wracked with guilt and crying etc, that i might be able to reach her to stop this some other way? Yes there is. Here it is: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
P.S. Get your thread moved over to Surviving an Affair.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
Should I just get her phone somehow tonight when they stay somehow ?
If i could get proof on her phone then i could expose now?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571 |
When I couldn't sleep last night because my heart was beating so loudly my whole body was throbbing, I wrote her a poem.
Life is moments, lots of little capsules of time
It doesn't seem that many moments ago
that we met and started to fall in love
and travel through this universe together
I am a richer human being because of the moments
you have gifted me
You are a pillar that my world
is rooted in and obtains oxygen from
You are light and heavenly
sweet, a catalyst of love and forgiveness
empathy, consideration, beautiful smiles
and kilometres of facilitated contentment
I lost my way
chosen nails instead of silk
Poured vinegar and salt into wounds
turned love into hate
If tears could open gates
I would kneel and offer
an infinity of apologies
request forgiveness for half of my sins
I have shattered all the atoms
that once for granted
provided all the happiness I could
ever wish for
I dream, a moment of breathing
the air you exhale
stroke your hair
whisper poppet again Did you give that to her? If not, don't. Stay calm. Don't act like anything is different.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Should I just get her phone somehow tonight when they stay somehow ?
If i could get proof on her phone then i could expose now? Whatever it takes to get proof and find out who OM is, that is what your priority is. Giving her a "life plan" isn't going to do anything for her when she's having an affair. When you get her phone put spyware on it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
**EDIT**
moderator's note: this is not a platform for personal opinions, but a place to help posters with Marriage Builders. Please familiarize yourself with Marriage Builders concepts before posting again.
Last edited by Denali; 07/30/15 05:57 PM. Reason: TOS non MB advice
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
SueL, You raise some valid points. However, Dr. Harley encourages spouses facing a walk away spouse to first rule out the possibility of an affair. If an affair is discovered, Dr. Harley encourages the betrayed spouse to expose the affair to family and friends. In nearly all cases, the cheating spouse never supports the exposure. There are numerous articles on this website authored by Dr. Harley which you can read to better understand his concepts towards saving marriages.
Last edited by Denali; 07/30/15 05:58 PM. Reason: removing quote
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
Suel,
My heart agrees with you. I really, really, want to believe her when she says there is nobody else and just focuss on extending love, caring and understanding towards her, acknowledge my mistakes and hope that there is still some part of her that can see how sincerely sorry I am.
I would give anything to change this situation for her, me, our kids, restof our family.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298 |
She is staying in house tonight and my heart tells me I should vacate our bedroom, clean ensuite, and provide a meal for her and my stepson withou asking.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
329
guests, and
70
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
