I had an affair about 4years ago. My husband found out about it a couple of months later through my so called best friend. Last year I travelled internationally. When I came back home my husband had a spyware listening to my conversations. He thinks I also had sex with an ex because he heard me telling someone that the ex kissed me. It's been over a year and he is still reminding me everyday that he don't trust me and he is with me because of our 3 kids. Will my marriage ever be saved. I am trying everything I know how to to make my marriage work. I love my husband but do you think it's too late to make work?
Your marriage can be saved, but you have to have a plan. It won't happen by accident, but by design. The first step is to affair proof your marriage by taking steps to ensure it never happens again. That would include never spending the nights apart and leading a completely transparent lifestyle. Your life should be so transparent that it would be impossible to have another affair. That will help him trust you again.
The next step will be to create a romantic, passionate marriage using these steps. Get the book, Surviving an Affair and follow the program in it. You can also listen to the radio show every day if you download the app on your phone. [it is free]
From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67
The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.
These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.
Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
