Hi fellow MBers,

I am in urgent need of help and thought perhaps i can get some good advice more quickly on the forums. In the long email to MB radio i hope to get some advice there too. Still waiting for a response.

I have read many posts, so let me get some facts out of the way before i go into the story.

Am i married to my other half? Ans: We are engaged but not legally married yet.
Do we have any children? Ans: No.

So here's my story in summary:

I have proposed to my fiance last year March, but due to her grandfather sudden passing, we have put our wedding on hold as her father is traditional and wants us to mourn for at least 2 - 3 years. Currently, she is emotionally involved with a male co-worker at the same time escalated to the Withdrawal state of mind with regards to me. Now she insists that she has broken up with me and wants to call off the wedding. While she has not announced it to most of our family and friends yet, she is not planning to cut ties with the co-worker and prevents me from making any love deposits. I think my love bank account has been "frozen".

I was anxious and did something rash before reading enough forum posts. My original belief was that she is already my wife when she accepted my wedding ring and engagement. I went ahead with exposure, although i used the words " close relationship " instead of "affair". I've also mentioned for them to take action when she announces the break up.

Her brother and mother are encouraging and supportive of me, which gives me the motivation to continue to try winning her back.

Since we are not legally married yet, and she is not willing to cut ties with the co-worker yet, do you think i still stand a chance? If so, what are your recommendations for me to approach it?

Thank you.

My recommendation would be to thank the good Lord you found this out before you got married and move on. Dating is a job interview for marriage. She has clearly chosen another man and has checked out of your relationship.

I would wish her well and move onto more appropriate candidates.

She's feeding you a line.

First of all, thank you MelodyLane and markos for the prompt replies. I am very grateful as I really needed the second opinion.

I read many of the forum posts and am convinced that both of you give sound advices. In fact, once I became enlightened with the fact that me and her are technically not married yet, I am torn between moving on and staying on. My relationship with her goes back slightly more than 10 years (with a 2 year gap), and i never felt the same feeling of love for her to any other girls.

And to clarify, the part about her father is valid. I did talked to him face to face about making plans for the wedding to take place after the mourning period but he was so upset about it i couldn't bring it up.

So her father's wishes were more important than your marriage? Run while you can my friend. This is not a family you want in your life.

And you haven't spent enough time with another girl to fall in love. Read Dr. Harley's Fall in Love, Stay in Love. Date many more women. You will find one to love that won't put her family before you.

Thank you apples123 for the advice! Really appreciate all the advices so far.

I fully understand all the good intentions but being one of the parties involved i'm sure you can understand how tough it is for me to stay objective.

I welcome more comments and advices while i spend more time thinking through and reading up more.

Thank you.

Have you seen this?
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

Hi BrainHurts, thank you for pointing me to the reading. I have read it before i made my first post.

My interpretation is that i am a Buyer but she has remained a Renter.

I have bought the book Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders for a more in-depth understanding. Just completed the first few chapters, and to my surprise, my ex-fiance has in fact already moved from Renter to Freeloader.

So is this a woman you want to be with?

I heeded the advice from fellow MBers and also finished reading the book. I was able to get myself out of the Buyers agreement few days back. The engagement ring i wore for so long was like the ring from Lord of the Rings. It took me a long time to overcome the urge to keep it on, but once it was off, i felt the burden lifted off my shoulders.

I stopped contact with her for 3 days straight, picked up a new hobby that i always wanted to try, and had dinners with other girls. It was honestly liberating.

Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, but i did contact her yesterday. If she does not cease contact with the guy and/or do not show signs of heading towards a Buyers agreement, i will only adopt either a Renter or Freeloader agreement. Another important factor is that i must see that she is willing to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement.

Please continue to drop by for comments / feedback / advices. Thank you.

Why did you break NC?