str22one,

I would certainly support your right to separate from your husband until and unless he eliminates his angry outbursts forever. I am sure Dr. Harley would support that, as well. In fact my wife has a great thread about doing that, and she did exactly that with me, and Dr. Harley supported her in it.

But it is also as plain as the nose on your face that there is something here you don't want us and your husband to know. You are hiding something and you think you can bluff us but you can't.

What is it that you do not want us to know?

Who is your best friend?

Who do you communicate most with over the internet and on your phone?

It's your parents. If you need to separate later you can always get that job back. I'm sure they will hire you.

What is it that you don't want everybody to know? It's best to just get it out in the open instead of letting us wildly speculate. Don't trickle the truth out: just spill it. Then you and your husband can deal with it and heal.

You are the one who brought up cheating.

Your children also see a problem with your job. There is a problem.

**EDIT**

It doesn't cause harm to point out the red flags that indicate something is being hidden. It may upset your wife, but it doesn't cause harm.

Two years ago my wife heard me say something that made her suspicious. She put spyware on my computer and checked it out. She found nothing, because there was nothing to find. It didn't cause harm at all.

Please calm down - we know what we are talking about. Nobody is attacking your wife.

Prisca is not a "hurt" person who is trying to cause anyone harm. She had an affair herself and is seeing the same signs of anger and secretiveness that she herself did when she was having an affair.

Your idea that people are only saying this because they are hurt is off base because it's not just betrayed spouses who are seeing these red flags.

You are correct. No more demanding change. We can only change ourselves.


We are dealing with heartache. However, it is not due to infidelity and love affairs. Started way before the start of this last job. Our heartache has always been selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, and angry outburst. Never dishonestly, independent behavior, or previously mentioned.


Never thought of it as being entitled. I will not be demanding or feeling entitled anymore. Just have decided to work on myself and areas that I can to work on marriage. Rest will be up to spouse.

Radio Clip of str22one & cas98per's Show

Yes this was us at the beginning of the show. I have listened a few times since the airing. Have it on my voice recorder on my cell phone.


Well, that is too bad. I did not know that when I asked my husband to consider Marriage Builders and its various resources. I did not realize it was only for people dealing with love affairs and infidelity. Well we have come to the wrong place looking for help. We will continue our journey but continue it elsewhere.


Yes. I have always told him to knock himself out. We share computers, we have a shared passwords sheet that remains on the computer at all times, we share our cell phones and they are never password protected, we look at each finances together, we can go in each other�s purses and wallets. Although hubby says that is one rule he just does not like. We have access to each other rooms although we will ask each other what we are looking for when going through clothes and etc. But never demanded the other stop.

He and the kids go to work with me often and will be going this Friday. Hooray.


Sorry that you were in the middle of an affair. This is one subject we keep on the front burner because we both have said it would be a deal breaker. We have promised each other to always work through everything else although it seems to be getting harder.


I don�t think I ever asked you to trust me but have asked my husband to get a grip.

If either of us had ever had this luxury, dropping my job would be done in a heartbeat. Unfortunately he has always worked in manual labor and I�ve always worked in various secretarial positions. We�ve lived off 12,000 a year before (job change for one or the other at various times before disability) and I will be not help us go backwards.

We already live paycheck to paycheck, have no savings, barely make it during the month and rely heavily on income taxes to catch up the following year. We�ve almost lost our home when we were trying to get him his disability. No way am I going to put us in this position unless fired. I work for a company and do not get paid by my parents.


My husband is my best friend although I have additional important people in my life. Our two kids, a few long-time female friends � one in TN, another in LA, and another in MS. My parents, a couple of siblings, a couple of aunts in TX and LA, and a couple of cousins in LA. All females.


Those same people mentioned above is who I communicate with over the telephone including with my spouse. Most times we are there for all those conversation but at times we don�t want to be bothered when the other is on the phone and will go do our own thing in the home.

Over the internet, I communicate with my kiddos as we use yahoo messenger. Other than that it is read, read, read. Oh, I am members of other forums like agingcare, welltrainedmind, creditboards, and this one. All of those places are on our password sheet.


So sorry that you two and others have gone through this. We pray that one day your marriage will be healed and one day ours.

Their marriage is healed, because they did the work necessary.

This is not a debate that you will score points by constructing the best counterarguments. I do not believe for even one moment that you are not getting the point of what you is being said to you.

Ouch.

It already is, but thanks for the sentiment.
We didn't cut corners.
Your marriage will never be healed as long as you continue to cut corners and make exceptions.

Do you realize this is why people are pointing out to you where you are failing to follow the program? It's not that they're hurt or vindictive. It's that your marriage has no hope as long as you cut corners.

You can spit on the hand that's reaching out to you all you want ... but the only person you're hurting is yourself.

str22, their marriage is healed because they used the concepts of this program. Your marriage can be healed too if you do the same. But I can see that your job is so important to you that you would rather divorce and leave the forum than find another job.

That is a huge red flag and your husband should understand that this is typically a sign of an affair. There is much more going on here than a garden variety job and that is evidenced by your extremely emotional, irrational reaction to it. Your husband needs to do some sleuthing.

That is wonderful. I did manage to see their blog last week but have not found the time to go back and read.


I have not left MB completely. I have been reading the forum. I have been reading love busters and his and her needs. I have been listening to MB radio. Notating what I can from every resource. Other than that it is the Serenity Prayer for me. He has been seeing me still indulge in the resources and I showed him my post yesterday. I am not asking anything of my husband anymore (behavior wise).

I will limit or stop posting for obvious reasons of being called a liar and a cheater.

How can a marriage be happy if you don't ask anything of your spouse?

I was wondering if someone that has a paid membership to the archives could please let me know when our show from Monday, July 11, 2016 goes into the archives. It is addressing some of the concerns from our post.

I was able to listen to it, but wanted to listen again and save to my phone.

Please, if anyone can help it would be appreciated!

Do you have a subscription to the show? I usually buy one every year so I can listen anytime.

Did they answer your email questions on Monday?

Yes DidntQuit some of them were answered.

MelodyLane I am now considering a subscription. I was able to listen to the show. Hubby was going to listen the following day but we did not return home in time.

Paying for the archives was the best $ we ever spent. It is worth the stretch and still a great value considering what you'll get access to.

Make sure you get your money's worth by listening to as many as possible.
With the subscription you can search by topic and make a playlist. It is a great way to understand each rule for a great marriage.