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Hi everyone,
I am Divorced since July 2015,and have not seen or spoken to my ex since July of 2014 and find myself still essentially in Plan B. I want my privacy among other reasons. My question is there are some issues coming forward. What is the appropriate amount of contact with an ex ? i have no wish to ever see or talk to him again but what if there are family celebrations that we are both invited too? Some I dont care if I miss, others I wouldnt want to miss. Any insight on how others handled or would handle this is appreciated.
Thanks Zo
Last edited by Zoloft; 10/11/15 09:24 PM.
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 70
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 70 |
Another question, if contact needs to be made would you continue through your IM or use an attorney? Example- we still have a house that needs to be disposed of one way or another. So far Ex has not tried to contact me about this, which doesn't surprise me, but it is in the Divorce papers that it will be handled as soon as possible.
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi Zoloft! Any contact with your X will be contingent upon how you feel. If contact makes you feel bad, then stay completely dark. If you can manage occasional contact, then you should do it. It is completely contingent upon you. Some people have no problem with it. Others do.
I have been in a Plan B with my XH for about 13 years and it has been great! I found that every time I had contact with him, I was angry all over again. I have only seen him 1x in about 13 yrs. [from afar at my son's wedding] I think the reason I had so much resentment is because I did not know about Plan B back when he was having his affair and as such, tolerated things I should not have tolerated. It really made me bitter for many years.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Another question, if contact needs to be made would you continue through your IM or use an attorney? Example- we still have a house that needs to be disposed of one way or another. So far Ex has not tried to contact me about this, which doesn't surprise me, but it is in the Divorce papers that it will be handled as soon as possible. If it were me, I would manage through my attorney. He will be more likely to take it seriously and as such, get it done faster.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2014
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Financial mattersshould go through an attorney.
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 70
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Thanks for the advice, sorry been away from MB for awhile, just working a lot. I feel bad and get angry again when I even think about XH so for me for now I will stay dark..
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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I went into Plan B six years ago.
My divorce was final almost two years ago.
I keep in Plan B for my mental and physical health. Once in a blue moon something needs to be communicated and my dear IM still does that for me.
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 70
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 70 |
Good morning all, I am in need of advice once again, Ive been in plan B for a little over 2 years and am divorced a little over a year now, My youngest son is planning to ask his girlfriend to marry him this december and will have the wedding a year from then. You can imagine I am very happy but at the same time realize I will have to see my x and the family . any advice on how to emotionally plan for this?
Thanks,
zoloft
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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