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The message they OM parents recieved gave them all the info they needed and obviously they read it. Idk what else i can do at this point. You can speak to the OM's parents and clear up the lies and spin that your wife and the OM are busily telling them. You have no earthly idea what they know or don't know and certainly can't say that they are endorsing the affair. Where would you get that idea? The pressure has been applied. I guess i wait n see what happens.. doing these things are doing so much damage to me. Everyone knows what they are doing. Seems like nobody but me truly cares. Your wife and the OM are telling their own versions of the truth, which is why you have to expose yourself. Have you spoken to your MIL and informed her the affair is still active? Is she endorsing and facilitating the affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Exposure doesn't mean everybody knows.
Exposure means you tell everybody.
There is a difference.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And everyone has been exposed to my side and me wanting to save my marriage and asking for their help. What they have done with that information is up to them. I believe i have done what i can exposing this. Now i feels like i must wait for my wifes affair/relationship to die its death. And keep my relationship with her family strong to serve as a roadblock for OM, and focus on being DAD. im normally patient and while these circumstances are hard to wait out, feels like any more pressure will just ruin my lifelines with my wifes family as they are truly my family.
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I continually speak with all my wifes family on the issue MIL appears to being playing to both sides at times
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I commited 3 lovebusters in the 5 minutes i saw my wife this morning. Thats not me. The chips are on the table. Im not giving up on loving her, i need to also remain a safe option for her to return to someday
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I commited 3 lovebusters in the 5 minutes i saw my wife this morning. Thats not me. The chips are on the table. Im not giving up on loving her, i need to also remain a safe option for her to return to someday Can you be more specific? What were the love busters?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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A few disrespectful judgements rolled into one angry outburst. Asked if she got off on being the other woman while hes still dicking his wife...etc
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In the book 'surviving an affair' my situation is just as bad as jon and sues. And my exposing of the affair on OM side of things, appears to have only strengthened their relationship, they can now rally against a crazy ex (me). What did jon do, or others like him and me, what did they do to stop from going literally insane during the months that his wife maintained a relationship with greg?
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In the book 'surviving an affair' my situation is just as bad as jon and sues. And my exposing of the affair on OM side of things, appears to have only strengthened their relationship, they can now rally against a crazy ex (me). What did jon do, or others like him and me, what did they do to stop from going literally insane during the months that his wife maintained a relationship with greg? Oh no, exposure has weakened their affair and put them in the position of having to defend themselves. You have created conflict. You don't understand what is happening behind the scenes and are assuming the worst. The affaires ALWAYS band together after exposure just like the folks on the sinking titanic clustered together while the ship sank. Exposure will hasten its death. Jon exposed the affair and then sat by and watched while it crumbled. He did go into plan b at some point, but they are together today.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In the book 'surviving an affair' my situation is just as bad as jon and sues. And my exposing of the affair on OM side of things, appears to have only strengthened their relationship, they can now rally against a crazy ex (me). What did jon do, or others like him and me, what did they do to stop from going literally insane during the months that his wife maintained a relationship with greg? First, you only really have two options, Plan A or Plan B. Dr Harley would advise you, a BH, to Plan A for as long as you can tolerate it. Plan A means to present yourself as the best option by meeting her needs and avoiding lovebusters, while simultaneously doing what you can to put pressure on and kill the affair. When you can no longer tolerate Plan A, he would recommend Plan B (dark separation) but it is far too early for you to consider that.
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A few disrespectful judgements rolled into one angry outburst. Asked if she got off on being the other woman while hes still dicking his wife...etc THIS is definitely NOT Plan A. Do you feel you are presenting yourself as the best option here? No, instead you are working for Team OM and making him look like the best option. Is that what you want? Have you always spoken so disrespectfully to your wife? If not, why are you doing so now?
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In the book 'surviving an affair' my situation is just as bad as jon and sues. And my exposing of the affair on OM side of things, appears to have only strengthened their relationship, they can now rally against a crazy ex (me). What did jon do, or others like him and me, what did they do to stop from going literally insane during the months that his wife maintained a relationship with greg? Dr. Harley recommends anti-depressants for this time. They will help keep your head clear. Exercise and a proper diet did wonders for me.
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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In the book 'surviving an affair' my situation is just as bad as jon and sues. And my exposing of the affair on OM side of things, appears to have only strengthened their relationship, they can now rally against a crazy ex (me). What did jon do, or others like him and me, what did they do to stop from going literally insane during the months that his wife maintained a relationship with greg? While you are dealing with the stress of your wife's active affair, it would be a good idea to consider getting on antidepressants. Dr. Harley often recommends antidepressants during Plan A. The medicine will help even out your emotions. Plan A means avoiding all lovebusters. No disrespectful judgments or angry outbursts! Make sure you are a terrific husband.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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I have tried to think how i would implement plan B. Honestly im not sure i could or how. Right now im clinging to plan A. It is just so painful, it consumes my every thought. Nearly every day my wife slowly takes more of her stuff from our home. Piece by piece dismatling what i worked hard for. Today we sat down and discussed 'her' bills and essentially started drafting our decree, regarding debts bills and custody. Ive still been paying all of 'our bills'
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No my comments were out of character and pure emotion my taker took over. Its hard to be the good husband when my wife is not around anymore and ignores most of my communications. I apologized repeatedly about my comments. Up until that point, i had done my best to be very kind, making her coffee, chocolate treats when she seemed down.
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Also being good husband feels very much like enabling the affair, where is the line?
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Did you read the comments about anti-depressants?
Tell us what you've done while in Plan A?
Also, the line is you don't be a doormat and help her facilitate her affair in any way. Are you paying for anything that she uses to facilitate her affair? Then stop.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have tried to think how i would implement plan B. Honestly im not sure i could or how. Right now im clinging to plan A. It is just so painful, it consumes my every thought. Nearly every day my wife slowly takes more of her stuff from our home. Piece by piece dismatling what i worked hard for. Today we sat down and discussed 'her' bills and essentially started drafting our decree, regarding debts bills and custody. Ive still been paying all of 'our bills' You don't need to go into plan b until you have done plan a for about 6 months. I would not pay any of her bills, though. Pay your own household bills. It might be a good idea to visit a lawyer and work out a temporary financial and custodial arrangement so she doesn't wipe you out or harm you legally. You will get a better legal settlement now while she is fogged out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I never kicked her out, tried to make her 'time to think' as comfortable and safe at home, ive been paying all the 'bills'. She has been good about not using the family money for playing', but we shared cars, gas, etc. I was paying for every bill up until now. Like i said we started drafting a divorce decree, cutting of my assistance. gonna get things in some form of writing before his influence tries change her tone.
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No real updates, i have not heard a word from OMW since the day i exposed to her. Im thinking somehow he flipped the story against me, My wife seems to have more resolve about being with OM. They have stopped hiding their communications. And evidence suggests that my wifes been staying at his parents more regularly. Idk, this guy must be one hell of a liar to pull this off and get his wife to not talk to me.
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