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She didnt force. I lost my cool, her sister thought i crossed the line. 'they are all adults, let them deal screw things up.' kind of thought. I guess i backed off out of fear and made a promise because of it So, that "promise" should not be kept. The only thing worse than making a bad promise is keeping a bad promise. It is insane to not contact his parents. That might very well be the nail in the coffin of the affair. You have no legitimate reason to not follow through on this. You can't afford to allow yourself to be punked into dumb ideas. That is really cute that her WISE sister thinks it is not "adult," but it is not her ox getting gored, is it? She knows absolutely NOTHING about saving a marriage and here you are taking bad advice from her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wifes sister said my actions 'cased more ammo' against me being the knight in shining armor when the affair fails
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Wifes sister said my actions 'cased more ammo' against me being the knight in shining armor when the affair fails DR HARLEY SAYS EXPOSURE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FIRST STEP TOWARDS RECOVERY. I would ask the sister where she got her degree in psychology. How many marriages has she saved from infidelity? What is her experience? Dr Harley posts his credentials here. here Will she post hers?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wifes sister said my actions 'cased more ammo' against me being the knight in shining armor when the affair fails She is an idiot.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What if my wife is starting to exit the affair. Wont that tarnish my standing with her. I did reread the text, i did say 'no guarantees' because it was in my nature.
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Every saved marriage on this forum attributes it to exposure.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What if my wife is starting to exit the affair. Wont that tarnish my standing with her. I did reread the text, i did say 'no guarantees' because it was in my nature. See, you have different goals than we do. Your goal is to avoid her anger at all cost, ours is to save your marriage. Our goal is to give you the best chance at saving your marriage. Avoiding her anger will not save your marriage. We already saved our marriages, you see.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not putting her knowledge above you guys. She just pointed out the risks im taking. We are both convinced this affair wont last. And i hate to alienate a family alli.
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What if my wife is starting to exit the affair. Wont that tarnish my standing with her. the AFFAIR is tarnishing your standing with your wife. We can't help you if the affair doesn't end. That is why we are trying to help oyu kill the affair. But you are ignoring our advice and taking the bad advice of the sister who has never saved a single marriage in her life.  Does that make any damn sense to you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not putting her knowledge above you guys. She just pointed out the risks im taking. We are both convinced this affair wont last. And i hate to alienate a family alli. How many marriages has she saved? Where did she get her PhD?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She just pointed out the risks im taking. Please tell us these "risks."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Any ways i can pressure the affair that dont lead back to me?
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The risk of not being the one she falls back to when the affair ends
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Any ways i can pressure the affair that dont lead back to me? You can't save a marriage acting like a pansy. You have to be loud and proud of your exposures so you can take full credit for them. You should make damn sure everyone knows you exposed and stood up for your marriage. Stop acting like there is something wrong with exposure. There is something wrong with cheating, there is nothing wrong with exposure. Did you read the thread brainhurts linked for you; wifedivorcing's thread? Do you think that guy acted like a pansy? NO, he did not. And he saved his marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The risk of not being the one she falls back to when the affair ends That is very likely to happen due to your timid and weak approach to exposure. The longer the affair goes on, the more entrenched. The more entrenched, the less likely she will come back to you. That is the "wise" sisters plan.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been reading through the thread about 40 pages in. thats when i realize i messed up my exposure. One big difference is my wife admitted to the affair and hasnt denied it since dday. Isnt the window lost now?
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You should finish your exposures now. You absolutely can't afford to be timid about this. And you have to stop taking bad advice from enablers. They won't suffer the effects of their bad advise, you will.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Finish? Only way i can expose to OM parents is facebook. Do i just resend same message?
Hello my name is H. For the last 6-8 months OM has been having a sexual affair with my wife WS. I have been trying to save my marriage since i found out late july. I ask that you use any influence you may have to get OM to leave WS alone so that we may have a chance to put our family back together."
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Finish? Only way i can expose to OM parents is facebook. Do i just resend same message? " What other ways could you reach them? And why did you promise to "back off" if that is the case? Back off HOW?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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