What happened after that?

So far nothing...still hasn't come home. I am working on a division of assets spreadsheet now.

You should put that aside and expose the affair. You can divide assets LATER.

I'm puzzled about what you were hoping to achieve by turning away and driving off, leaving them together.

Don't need to achieve anything. I am done with the relationship. Simple as that

If you want to do that, then there really isn't much for us to help you with. But if you have second thoughts, there is much you can do to fight for your marriage.

I have to say, those of us who did fight for our marriages did so because we valued our wayward spouses too much to just give up.

If you have kids and don't want them spending the night at OM's house (he might be a predator too, after all), then I would really get busy exposing the affair far and wide.

If you want the best recovery you can possibly get alone, then I would expose the affair, see a lawyer and arrange a quick divorce, and never see or talk to your wife again.

If you want your marriage to recover, then I would expose the affair and start reading up on Dr. Harley's Plan A.

I am going to work on your second option starting tomorrow. I truly appreciate the advice. If I have a change of heart I will come back here.

I hope you realize now that there is no escaping from doing an exposure.

What do you mean there's no escaping doing an exposure?

What he means is that every option markos presented to you, including divorce and personal recovery, includes exposure. Exposure should be done whether you decide to try and save the marriage or not, for a host of reasons.

Are you going to expose the affair?

To be quite honest I am not sure. I'm so overwhelmed right now I don't think I can even make simple decisions...much less an important one.

What are you not sure about?

This is the beauty of following Dr Harley's plan. You don't NEED to make decisions. Dr Harley has been working with infidelity for over 40 years and he has created a plan that works. It works to give you the best chance for marital recovery or personal recovery, whichever route you go. BUT no matter which way you decide to go, exposure is a part of it. So really there is nothing for you to decide on here.

I can't understand why you would not want to expose.

If you choose to divorce, do you not want your friends and family to know why? Do you want to give her the opportunity to spin the story about how horrible you are, or do you want people to know the truth about why your marriage failed? Do you want to live the rest of your life telling people you are divorced, but keeping her infidelity a secret?

If you choose to stay married, you cannot recover without exposure. You need support and she needs people to hold her accountable. Exposure is the only way to do that.

And for goodness sake, the OM does NOT need to be protected, why would you want to do that? Whether you divorce or stay together, you should rain down on his fantasy parade with your wife.

You are acting very weak here. Being a weak man is not at all attractive. You are showing your wife that you really don't care and are just going to crawl under a rock. Is that the kind of man you want to be right now?

Obviously I was super angry yesterday and made my comments in haste. Unfortunately, now I am back to reality. I have no darn clue what I want. I just don't know how the heck to get myself motivated to do ANYTHING. I can't stop consuming myself with what is going on. I went to the gym last night, hoping that would help...unfortunately all I did was think about the situation and watch time go by as I "worked out". I just can't get out of the fog that I am in.

She went out yesterday and looked at some apartments. She said she will be going on her lunch break today to sign a lease. As upset at her as I was the other day, I am dreading watching her walk out that door. I am absolutely devastated by the thought of her not being at our house....

So what's the plan? Do you want to take control or just sit back and watch how things go?

We can help you with a plan that will give you options. You can take steps to save your marriage but can change your mind at any time.

The first steps are to expose the affair. Do this TODAY. Go read my exposure 101 thread and come back with a plan. You should also be as attractive as possible, tell her you want to have a passionate marriage with her, but she must first end her affair.

Regardless of what you decide, you need to expose the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure will hasten its death. That benefits you either way.

This is very interesting. I am on 2 different forums, this one advocates exposure, the other is against exposure. I suppose I just feel like I am completely unsure of which direction to go. I do know now that I have major codependency issues, and have reached out to a couple counselors today for that. Hopefully one of them can get me in quickly!