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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I dreamed this last night. What do you think about contacting OW, but asking/telling H about it first. I have both OW email and home mailing address (she's in England). I won't be vindictive or confrontational, but pose it such that it would be an introduction about me from me and give her an 'opportunity' to ask futher questions. I'd also copy H so it was all upfront.
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Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 7,298
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Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 7,298 |
I'm probably going against Dr. Harley's principles big time when I say this...but...if it were me, I wouldn't ask H's permission to contact her. Was your permission asked before he started contact with her in the first place? I'd state how I felt, gracefully but no mincing of words, and tell her she is intruding upon a marriage. <P>Copying your H on such a letter would be a very good idea. All on the up-and-up, yes. <P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 206
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Posts: 206 |
Hi. My husband told me he would leave me if I contacted the OW....blackmail or what!!!I believe he was trying to protect himself in some way....I felt like it wasn't worth the hassle. I believe he was worried I would contact the OW husband, and so he was protecting her. I wanted to tell her to get out of my life, and try to make her realize what she had done to our marriage, but then realised my husband was just as much to blame, and nothing would be gained by contacting her, I'm sure she would have had an ego boost knowing what affect she had on me!!!!I wasn't about to give her that satisfaction. I'm still not sure if my H has told her that I know about her, but secretly hold on to that bit of power, the fact that I know and her H does't !!!!!
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 58
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If you need to contact her do so. I did once and we had a civil conversation on her motives and intentions. I told her where I stood and was very much the "lady". Husband is back with me.
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Anonymous
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Thanks - this one is really tough for me. I'm not certain what purpose it would serve, yet I have this obsession about contacting her. I also see that I'm feeling like i have this "power" (tho H and OW don't know it) given that I have her email address and home address.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 28
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I also had a tremendous urge to call her. Since I know her personally, I knew what I was up against. My H was Totally against me contacting her. (Trying to protect her?)So I held off...realizing that she would only deny and lie! I was also afraid I would go over the edge and become very hostile, which would only make me look bad. So after much soul searching and prayers, I decided it was better off if she DID NOT know where I stood with her. Best if she is in the dark,for a change.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 28
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I also had a tremendous urge to call her. Since I know her personally, I knew what I was up against. My H was Totally against me contacting her. (Trying to protect her?)So I held off...realizing that she would only deny and lie! I was also afraid I would go over the edge and become very hostile, which would only make me look bad. So after much soul searching and prayers, I decided it was better off if she DID NOT know where I stood with her. Best if she is in the dark,for a change.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 28
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 28 |
I also had a tremendous urge to call her. Since I know her personally, I knew what I was up against. My H was Totally against me contacting her. (Trying to protect her?)So I held off...realizing that she would only deny and lie! I was also afraid I would go over the edge and become very hostile, which would only make me look bad. So after much soul searching and prayers, I decided it was better off if she DID NOT know where I stood with her. Best if she is in the dark,for a change.
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