Uh oh.
I started exposure inadvertently by FB mssg to OM D. I followed with emails to all of WW family and friends so that trickle effect wouldn't happen. I am confident that evidence available will be enough for WW family. Only facili-SIL knows about A currently. They will be deeply concerned about OM past, and our welfare.

I was simply trying to create a draft and off it went. I attribute it to lack of sleep.

From now on, draft in ms word. What did you send?

I sent a personalized form of this to each of WW targets. I omitted the convictions part and modified the wording slightly for OM D. I did draft in docs, but instead of saving draft FB message for later, I hit send.

Dear (friends and family )

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of (WW) and I. As some of you may know, we have been going through some marriage trouble. (WW) has told me that she is no longer in love with me, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason she does not want to try to fix our marriage is because she has been carrying on an affair with her new employer. He is the Grandfather of DD's friend. He is also a violent convicted felon and sexual abuser. She has denied the severity of these convictions, which were upheld upon appeal. She has allowed our children to be near this man, even allowing DS to ride with him in a tractor.

She refuses to acknowledge the affair. I still love (WW) and I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on (WW), please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end. Our children are being affected by this infidelity, and have picked up on the inappropriate nature of her relationship with OM.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with (WW) to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
(BH)

I did not send to facila-SIL, which is likely why WW has not reacted yet. Her other siblings are likely conferring on the best course of action.

Did you put his NAME in there?

If you have not told these people the NAME of this dirtbag, I would get do that now. Finish your exposures today. I would also personally CALL her parents, close family and friends and ask them to follow up and speak to her. Ask them for their support.

You should also speak to your children today. Send exposure letters to his family via snail mail. Can you afford to overnight them?

What about the workplace? Is there anyone to expose to there?

When she finds out you have exposed and comes after you, I would DEMAND that she end her affair and never see or speak to the OM again. Tell her your children are never to be exposed to him again even if you have to get a court order. You need to be very clear and very FIRM about this. Ask her to send him a no contact letter TODAY:

here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

I thought the forum was anonymous. I changed all entries in parentheses, including OM name.

We went to church together, and then shopping. She still doesn't know about exposure. I spoke with her siblings, and they are working on a conference call for this afternoon.

She now knows. Sisters are coming here to talk

This is what you appear to have written:

"...because she has been carrying on an affair with her new employer. He is the Grandfather of DD's friend. He is also a violent convicted felon and sexual abuser..."

That's all you appear to have written about him. There are no parentheses in that section, so where did you put his name?

Talking to HER? If anyone asks for the evidence, tell them you have been having them watched and they are having an affair.

I put full name at end of third paragraph. Targets have the details.

W admitted to an EA, but then clarified that it was actually a non sexual PA.

I am not asking questions and did not probe for that. I am adamantly stating that NC starts today. She blocked him on phone. We will send NC letter after her sisters leave. It's hard with the twins. I did not expose to them yet but will be doing so asap.

A lie. The texts referred to "in your arms again." That is physical.


How far do you live from his home and workplace?

Go tell her that now is the time to come clean, holding nothing back. Tell her you have evidence it was physical and that your marriage cannot recover unless she is completely honest. A marriage cannot recover based on lies.

If she won't tell you the truth, tell her you will need her to take a polygraph. She owes you the full truth.

Her mother and three sister just came to take her out to talk. NC letter will happen today. Honesty will come today.

Sisters know txt content. We live 1 mile from den of iniquity

Good!


You do realize you are going to have to move, right? She will be perpetually triggered and you will be dealing with this for YEARS unless you move.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Are there opportunities for workplace exposure? Is there an HR department?

Have you finished all your exposures? What about your kids?

OM owns the company and, if I'm not wrong, it's only 1 or 2 other people including WW.