So me and husband been together 3 years back in august. Married for one year back in august. The whole time we been together he's been smoking pot on and off and lied to me the whole time. Last year in October we got pregnant and our baby was due at the end of june.

After I had our baby we became a little distant but I thought it was just because the baby needed so much attention so no big deal. The last few months he had acted really distant and hiding his phone and never getting it out if I was beside him.

He has been talking to a girl since June. He was talking to her while we were at the hospital having our baby, when we celebrated our anniversary, and they had been emailing dirty pictures from June to beginning of October. He says that she had broke up with her bf and wanted to have sex and one night he was drinking and told her they should meet up and supposedly the next morning he was like oh no we cannot do that I can't cheat on my wife. So ever since then he's tried to let her down easy he says.

He did not tell on himself. I got his phone password and found the emailed pictures. They work at the same place. He is still living here. We have also had sex since they have been talking just not as much because of the baby. We have three kids in the house his son from previous marriage and then our two girls 5 and the baby.

What should I do? Should I stay or go? What about the kids? Should I believe they didn't have sex? He says he is very sorry and will spend the rest of his life making up for it, he told her that I found out and they couldn't talk anymore. It's just so much to take in and idk what to do because I love him and I had trusted him all this time. He was cheated on in his first marriage and he knows about my [censored] ex too. I feel like they did have sex just because the pictures and it went on for so long and u know after u have a baby u can't have sex for 6 weeks so what was he doing them six weeks? So it's like what am I supposed to do, he's the love of my life or so I thought. The affair did start before the birth of our baby. And he says that it started out they was just texting about work then as friends and then it got dirty.

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for what has brought you here.

Do you have spyware on his devices? And have you read the exposure thread? He will have to quit that job if you want to restore your marriage. Do you know who the OW is?

Now. No I have not. He plans to Try to find another job but for now they still work at same place and may have to work together at any given time. I found her on facebook (they weren't friends) but I have never seen or talked to her in person.

Will your WH put in his notice and find a new job?

Can you put spyware on his devices so you can monitor what he is doing？Also, go to her Facebook and copy her friends list and save it.

Read this Exposure 101

When he can find a job but I don't work so he pays the bills and has to find another one first.

I don't think I want to do spyware. Why should I copy her friends?

I don't want to expose to people it may hurt him but will also hurt me I do not want people knowing. Only my patents know. Plus we have the holidays ahead and I don't want it ruined for the kids sake.

Affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret only serves to enable it. That hurts everyone, especially your children. Keeping the secret helps the affair and the OW. Is that what you want? His affair has ruined the holidays, exposure is the medicine that will save your marriage if it can be saved..

Your husband is not very serious about your marriage and unless he makes radical changes in his approach to being your husband, your marriage is doomed.

I would ask your husband to put in his notice this week and give him 30 days to leave that job. Otherwise you should expose his affair to the workplace. If he doesn't leave that job, you will soon be competing with his girlfriend for his income. Do you want that?

Read this about exposure: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

I don't understand why I should have to Hurt our children.
What kind of changes is he needing to make for this to work?
Idk what I want right now I'm so surprised right now. I love him but don't feel like he loves me and there's a small thought that what if he never did love me. Why would he want to stay here if he wants her?

Read this then we can talk more about why. How to Survive Infidelity

I so agree you shouldn't hurt children. What hurts children are lies and infidelity. You should not lie to children and you should not enable their dad's affair. Affairs affect children too.


He would have to agree to protect you from an affair by affair proofing your marriage.

You won't have hurt the children. HE hurt the children by stepping out on their Mom. But you can HELP the children by being honest with the 5 yr old and with his son about what has been going on in your marriage.

Trust me, they already know. Dr. Harley says that the pain from an affair can be worse than the loss of a child, so...no way have you been suffering in silence, believe me.

I'm sure that you are trying to be a good Mom, but your children are noticing that something very awful is wrong...and they are probably internalizing that it is THEIR fault. Once you tell them the truth about their lives (in age-appropriate words), they will actually feel relief.