Your husband is still being a bully, and I don't know why you are entertaining this complaint.

If I understand correctly, your name is not on an account that you have. That is the first problem.

The second problem is that the reason your H is unhappy with what you did today is because "he feels better keeping the money in his possession".

He is controlling your money because he wants to keep secrets from you. That can be the only reason why he wants to keep money in his possession. This is not acceptable.

You have been advised to separate from your husband, but if you are not in a position to do so now, that should be your plan for the next few months. In the meantime, stop trying to do Marriage Builders with him when he has no intention of doing it with you. His use of the term "valid complaint" is an attempt to misuse MB and control you.

SugarCane I understood this to be a bully move � that part was very clear.

I tried not to entertain the complaint because I felt if he had been radically honest at the time of loan application that there would be no issue. But then I figured with separation, all things would need handling by me. That�s when the new loan idea came into play. We have had this issue in the past with him always wanting finances excluding my paycheck in his room, which is another reason I considered a new loan. Of course, I have a key to the box but hate the struggle getting it down or have him ask what I need it for or looking for if I go to take it down.

I have no problem with him having the money in his possession because it will get used as intended for the most part. When things are in my possession they get used as intended for the most part. However, I did have a problem with him trying hard to have me believe I did something wrong.

Money has always been a thorn in our sides as well. Tax time is worse. I always want to put it all up and use as needed to help us get unexpected things taken care of during the year or give everyone in the household a small portion and then put the rest up for previous mentioned. He likes half and half. Half that he can do with as he pleases and half for me to do as I please. This year I just did not go for that half and half idea. My small portion I still saved along with the rest for us to use, which is what we were going to use to take care of the unexpected but then we decided on a loan.

I just feel sad about our silly problems. Sigh.

Will you be able to save up for a separation in the next couple of months?

I feel like Indianawife, "Part of me feels like "here we go again"; he is unhappy with something I am doing, blaming me for his unhappiness and wants me to change.�

When in my book, we were doing ok.

I feel like, in his mind, when we have gone a length of time doing just fine and having fun, he has to find something to throw us off balance. And most of the time I feel it's something silly when others are dealing with infidelity.

I feel that if we can get rid of love busters once and for all, we would be ok. I really don't want to separate because I feel to go through that I may never look back.

I can�t speak for Indianawife but in my case, I feel that I am pulling my share and I try to show him how much he is appreciated and admired through my words and actions.

However, it just doesn�t seem to be enough.

So like the other day when he asked for the money the previous night he said it as a joke so we laughed. However, the next day he told me he was serious. I told him the money was in the same unlocked drawer (as the other) and he could go and get the money. That was not enough. He went on and on and tried to pick a fight. It was hard keeping it together when he was firing (this time without anger.)

Our end of year update is the same. My marriage has seen no changes. This is happening last two months.

We both carried my parents to doctor office for test (Being together on the job as suggested by Harleys). We were doing ok that day until nurse told me I could go back up front after they took mom back to procedure room. I quickly texted hubby and told him I was back up front where we started. That day went downhill. He lit in on me asking why I did not come in the other room with him and my dad. I explained it was no thought just doing as asked by nurse. He kept going on and on and I started repeating that he was being rude over the phone. He said he was coming out but never showed up. He refused to answer my text after texting him telling him I was hungry and wanted to step out to vending machine but I was waiting on him. Another five minutes or so went by and finally I went ahead for the snack. I stood outside the door to see when he came out. He came out where I was and demanded I go back inside. I told him snacks were not allowed and pointed toward sign. He still being insulting walked outside. Once back inside he asked why I had not going inside and I told him I was waiting on him. Silent treatment until it passed over several hours later.

It was raining out and hubby was feeling bad. I stated to postpone shopping trip but he insisted to get it out of way. Stated to hubby I needed to go inside office supply store to pick up part of parents Christmas present I had ordered online for pickup. They all stayed in the car while I went inside. The order was screwed up. I texted hubby what was going on and few minutes later he came in with authoritative voice saying to leave the order. I told him they finally got it straight, had issued the refund, and now I was waiting on the refunded amount. He shoved the umbrella in my hand and then went back to car. Once back in car, I told him how embarrassing and hurtful that was for me. That did not go well and the insults started. I asked him to take me home immediately. He stated to get respect you have to give respect. Screaming how I was lusting at the young man behind the counter. He went to speeding with all of us in the car and when I asked him to slow down he stated how I do it all the time. Once at home, he jumped out of the car. I and the kids went out and got food to eat that night.

Then on my birthday a couple of days later he asked me for a divorce. He says if I did not do it he would report me to the district attorney for fraud (my job).

Things are still tensed needless to say. During Christmas morning I asked for a kiss. Instead of getting a kiss I got a peck and an un-felt hug. He stated I did not have my eyes open and how when I wanted a real kiss one would be asked for by me. I was upset momentary and closed my room door to get back in decent mood. While he was watching football, I was reading and listening back through my phone (text messages, memos, MB Calls, sermons, etc). We made it through the night watching TV.

This morning he woke up way earlier than the rest of us. Once the toilet seat fell, I closed the door to the room where I was sleeping. Then I went to restroom. As I was in restroom I heard him ask our son where was I as he propped the door back open. After I came out, I went to close the door. He steps back through the door demanding we needed to have a conversation about yesterday. I asked that we wait until sunrise (it is 5:00 in morning). He demanded it could not wait and proceeded to spill what he needed to get off his chest. I got back in bed and let him talk to my back. He insisted as usual that his jealously, anger, misery or whatever is all because of me. It included how I needed to leave immediately and move in with parents. He insisted he is what�s best for kids so they could stay with him. He also stated the demise of our relationship was also my father�s fault. Well, everyone�s fault except his.

He demanded to see my phone because he thought I was texting someone. I willingly gave the phone and then all of a sudden we have a problem. He insisted the memo�s I had made to myself on my phone were offensive. He states that if I don�t get things right, it will not end well.

I have some marriage builder notes like this one from the forum, �it kills my love for you when you lose control.� �I would love for this behavior to be eliminated.� �I feel punished.� This Bible quote � �Peace to this house.� This quote from TV divorce court judge � �Thinks everything is fine just the way it is, so that person has no reason to change or alter his or her course. Look at how you would like your life to be five years from now. Take steps to get there. Then see it that person fits.�

Another tense morning at home. Love busters on both parts I�m sure because hubby talks at top of lungs and brings out the worse in me. I got it all off my chest today. We are not getting alone well at all and I want my door closed as if I was elsewhere. None of us are sleeping. But hubby will not leave my door close and threatens to take it off the hinge. Just like he keeps asking me to leave, the last couple of days I have asked him to do so as well. He will not do that and the only thing I�m asking at this point is that he leaves me alone and leave my door closed.

DD is very sad and I�m depressed on top of depressed. I got on anxiety meds last year and DD was placed on some today. I want to run away from my hubby and never look back.

You need to
Nothing will get better in your marriage until he eliminates his angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and demands.
You should separate until he does.

I agree.

When can you plan to separate? Please remind me, but didn't you write Dr. Harley before?

Dr. Harley addressed my 2016 update today (01/25/2017). My response was at the top of the hour (the first one).

I understand everything Dr. Harley was stating and have extra motivation. Mrs. Harley represented me well.

I haven't had a chance to listen yet. What was his advice?

My takeaway was that I need to let my husband know that I am going to separate (no more thinking about it) if these behaviors don�t change (disrespect, blaming, jealousy, and conflicts).

I understand why a separation can�t take place under the same roof although I have been trying this route.

I understand more about the mindset of a disabled person even when not bed ridden.

I have to eliminate all excuses of why I can't afford separtion. Break dependency and become self reliant. I have been working on this one, which is why I think he comes at me harder.

Here's your call.
str22one's call
Segment #2

Well here we are in the same type of marriage. No change. I will update the Harleys.

1. Do not negotiate when he is angry
doing

2. Do not put up with his attempts to control
this is not working. This is resulting in more aggression but nothing physical.

5. Confront him about his angry outbursts, and insist that they stop
This is not working because everything is still because I do a, b, c. My fault.

6. If he is unable to stop his angry outbursts, insist that he must seek professional help
Not working. I'm the one causing everything and the one that needs help.

7. Do not hesitate to call 911 when he has an Angry Outburst
Even with him removing the door to my room (using a screw driver) the law couldn't make him leave because nothing was done to me physically.

Having the kids (now 14 and 17) meet with a counselor next week.

I'm at my breaking point. I'm hurt and as I try to explain my hurt my husband breaks out into an extreme laughter. My pain is funny to him.

So are you going to separate?

Yes. Hope I can afford the attorney retainer. Awaiting a call back. The court can only offer a ten day order of protection. Advised to go back through attorney since nothing physical has happened.

I would ask yourself could you follow all the rules of Harley for the next 5 years and allow your husband to not follow the rules for the areas that bother you and not react badly.

This is your expectation of your husband. You want to do what you want and then complain he gets angry. So if your husband did what bothered you and didn't stop over and over you would not get angry?

If that is true let him have his way and you can be on the receiving end of a selfish spouse. Spoiler alert, if you were able to do that you wouldn't be posting here about the things he is doing that bothers you.

The point is you need to hold yourself accountable to follow Harley.

Givnup are you str22ones spouse?

No just dealing with a similar situation. Sadly, spouses think it is okay to not follow the parts of Harley that they don't think should be a problem.