So, I was on here about 3 years ago or longer when I went through my marriage problems. I am divorced for 2 years now and I haven't had luck dating. I've had some unsuccessful short relationships and one was due to gf not being able co-exist with ex-wife (kids) and the second one really turned out that she was not over her Ex or ready to be in a single relationship. Those are done and I'm over them (not the hurt they've caused me and that's what brings me here).

I started an online relationship/courtship with someone who was from my hometown and we had met long ago (I didn't remember but she did, I was married at the time). This was going great, we spoke occasionally for about 3 weeks at the beginning of December. During this time I was dating others and looking for someone I clicked with as I'm assuming she was. After about 3 weeks I felt a strong connection, very good vibe with her so we started texting and speaking on the phone every day twice a day for the last 3 weeks. This continued until yesterday.

So, she is a single mom and very busy I understood this. She was always very intermittent in responding to text messages from me which was always the case and then we became very routined when we spoke on the phone at certain times and everything else was via text/snapchat. I assumed it was because she was busy being a mom.

I mentioned I'm not totally over hurt from previous relationships...mainly meaning I have trust issues. I brought this up to her about 3-4 weeks ago and we began speaking twice a day on the phone instead of once and she did make attempts to improve on the texting. The one thing that did bother me was I made a decision that I only wanted to get to know her better and stopped looking or speaking to anyone else and I made this known to her. She said it was great knowing where I stand and everything was great. I began to notice that when she would go long times without responding to me she would logon social media and then when she did respond she would act like she was too busy to respond until then. This type of behavior bothered me and brought up trust questions/feelings for me because of my past. I finally asked her over the weekend if she was speaking to other ppl sine I had made it known I wasn't and she said other ppl try to reach out to her in many ways social media, text, call but she is not interested and ignores all of them. This continued over the weekend and I finally bluntly asked why she had time to logon to social media but not respond to me. She indicated she is always logged on to social media (it shows when she logs on). Anyways this happened yesterday, I immediately regretted discussing it over text instead of on the phone. I immediately apologized and told her we could discuss on the phone later. I apologized for not bringing it up sooner so it wouldn't be such a big issue for me now but I didn't because I didn't want to ruin things. She responded by saying it was too late and then went dark on me. Not responding to texts, calls and then deleted her FB (not blocked me but deleted it all together because I posted something on her page).

I know this is so new and ppl will probably think its not worth it but she was so amazing and is worth it to me. That's how strongly I feel about her because of how great its been. She is everything I've always looked for and I've dated around looking so its not me just falling for the first person.

I just don't know what to do at this point, I know its only been 1 day but it is driving me crazy because we had made plans to trip together and things were going great and as I mentioned we speak every day and text all day. I feel like I have messed up and I don't know how to fix it, obviously apologies have not mattered. I'm assuming she's upset right now and space is the best thing but its so hard to do...I guess I need advice on what I should do and how to force myself to give her space she might need to cool off. I have a bad feeling she may have been speaking to others and the FB post drove her nuts and she may be done with me.

What was it that that you said in the Facebook post on her page?

We used to joke about pinky promising each other like when we'd talk about how much we liked each other and would not let each other down(our cute thing to do) and I posted a little cartoon of a boy putting out his finger to pinky promise a girl. It said something like "the promise was for the hard times"

Its the first time I've put anything emotional on her page. I've put a couple other things that were just jokes and commented on pictures and stuff. I'm not a big social media poster and neither is she so I just had never put emotional stuff because neither of us post often at all on there.

Life would be so much easier if social media didn't exist. You turn on your computer or smartphone, FB logs you on automatically and people assume you immediately respond to every fart they posted.

When I am at work surrounded by colleagues, or babysitting my cousin, my mind is in a certain mode and occupied with all kinds of distractions. When a person I am dating texts me while I'm in work mode, I tend to respond more distant than I would like. I'd rather respond later, when my head is cleared and my response is genuine and personal. I feel uncomfortable texting when I am occupied.

Unless you have psychic powers, don'd try to read someone's mind. Just don't. You are rarely right.
If I were in the position of the woman you are in contact with (am I right that you haven't met in person yet?), I would see a red flag because of the controlling behavior you displayed.

You told her you stopped contacting others, she didn't make a similar commitment to you. You are in love (the most selfish state you can be in) and your taker went in overdrive.
In general, men fall in love quicker than women and it takes more time for a woman to fall in love. It might be she liked you just as much as you liked her, or she wanted to wait until you met in person to see if your real life contact would be just as nice as your texting and phone calls.

Even if she has been talking to others, she is allowed to do that. Just like you, she has a right to meet and talk to other people, so she can make a good balanced decision on who she wants to have a relation with.

Don't make the same mistake with the next nice woman you meet.

I agree I made the mistake, I immediately realized it and tried to do immediate damage control. The thing is we talk for hours every day for over a month and would text all day long in between the calls from waking up to bed so it seemed to me that we were both very emotionally invested.

I definitely learned a lesson here. I was looking for advice on how to proceed if you have any? Leave her be until she contacts me or try to contact after a week or few days? It just completely escalated quickly over something silly and I've never been in that position before where something this sudden has happened like that.

After how emotional we spoke to each other and seemed to have connected and how much we shared with each other it really is hard for me to accept it could be over that quickly you know?

And for the record I never asked her to not speak to others or be exclusive I said I was not interested in anyone else because they didn't compare. I asked her because I had noticed the social media pattern and wanted to know where I stood, I didn't demand one way or another. She said she wasn't and I guess the issue is I didn't believe the answer which again is my fault.

Dating is all about learning more about the other person. You now know that this doesn't work. Learn from the experience.

As to whether or not this was a fatal error, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. If your gf can not accept your intentions for what they were, then you never really had anything much going to start with.

I agree with goody, that your behavior comes across a bit controlling and a little bit stalkerish. If a guy I was dating (and I use that term loosely here when you seemingly haven't even met in person) was keeping track of when I was or was not online, and questioning me about it in an accusatory manner as if I was doing something wrong just because I didn't respond to texts promptly, it would be huge red flags to me that he was insecure and controlling. I would probably end the relationship too at this early stage.

She does have every right to talk to others, build other relationships. She has no commitment to you. She also has every right to respond to your texts whenever she feels like it. Part of dating that sucks is that there is usually one person more invested than the other, and if thats you it can make you feel a bit insecure. I think you need to learn how to manage that better, because it is unattractive and not her job to prove herself to you.

In this case, I would maybe send her a card and some flowers with a sincere apology for coming across this way. Let her know that she is an amazing woman that you would love to keep getting to know, and if she is interested in that now or in the future to call you. And leave it at that. It is her choice at this point whether to give it another try or not.

Have you read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders?
Buyers. Renters and Freeloaders

Wow, from my perspective you are moving way too fast and are way too clingy. You have only been talking for a few weeks and here you are making demands on her. I would run screaming the other way if I were her.

If a woman doesn't respond to your texts and social media as much as you would like it probably means she is not very interested and you should back off. That is not a sign to insist on more contact. I would also caution you about going exclusive at such an early place in the relationship. Asking to be exclusive after a few weeks is a bit much.

I think you should back off as much as you can until you get in a better place.

I see now the women posters said the same thing I did. Not trying to pile on but we all had the same take..

I haven't. I read his needs/her needs and surviving an affair back when I was married. I will check this out.

This is an excellent book and Dr. Halery has some really good advice on dating in this book.

Thank you for the advice. We have been speaking for 2 months (began the end of November). Just every single day for hours since the beginning of January. I agree I've got too attached and felt insecure, I even communicated it to her in my apology and took full accountability.

I misjudged and thought she felt as strongly as I did I guess. She actually pushed the picture exchange thing a few weeks ago because we'd casually do that but she said she loved that I didn't care about it but also felt a little insecure that I hadn't and I made sure it was clear to be otherwise. We've talked about our previous marriages and relationships, goals, futures and she actually has spoken many times about one of us moving to be closer to each other. Its been very emotional at least it seemed.

I've never done the online/long distance relationship. We have met before a long time ago and went to high school together so its that kind of thing in a small town. She actually dated one of my ex wife's brothers a long time ago when I was still married so she knew a lot about me.

I am going to lay off for a while since I guess I'm hearing this is the best approach. I had already ordered her a valentine's day present to be delivered at work so hopefully by then she will be cooled off and it will be a positive. It's edible arrangements since food was the way to her heart.

I hope she contacts me and gives me a chance...she is so amazing.

So I saw on here sending a gift with an apology is a good idea...what do you think? What would be a good time to wait to do that? The issue with her that she told me is she is also very insecure because of past relationships and often feels unworthy or inadequate.

I know this is something big with her and it did come up a couple of times when we were talking that she thought I wasn't interested or thought I wanted to move on. When we first began to talk she said she was surprised I was even interested because she thought I was "out of her league" which I have obviously never thought. I don't want her to feel that I don't care and don't want to put in effort or that there is any doubt about wanting to work it out with her. I don't want to call, text and badger her but I think the sending a gift with an apology letter would be good. Thoughts and time frame given this context?

I would give it a week or two and then send it. Make sure it does not sound overbearing or go overboard with the emotions, keep it short and simple and to the point. And then you are done, the ball is in her court. IOW, don't contact her again unless she contacts you or expresses an interest in rekindling a friendship.

Personally my advice would be to let this one go, for now. The dynamic is all off and I think you need to give yourself a "cooling off" period.

I've had a couple of experiences like this through online dating where the man acts this way (comes on too strong) before we've had a chance to meet and it sent me running for the hills. A gift would just make the situation worse if this was me.

I agree with ML that you should back off until you are in a better place (months) and date others. The way you are feeling about this woman isn't good or healthy IMO.

Why did you two not meet up? It's kind of a red flag when the chatting doesn't escalate to a real date. You definitely do NOT want to let the feelings escalate to this level without meeting.

We have had very emotional conversations. We began speaking for hours every single day and have done so for all of January. Last time we spoke was Monday when this happened. I don't know the conversations we've had and talking about everything really just made me feel like we were on the same page. These were always mutual and not only driven by me.

We live far apart. She lives in AZ and I live in TX. I can't get vacation from work until the end of March and we planned a trip for me out there.

We are both from the same hometown in NM but neither of us live there anymore. As I had mentioned we met before a long time ago and she knew quite a bit about me since she dated my ex wife's brother for a little while. She told me all about this and how she was jealous when she found out me and my ex were dating back in high school.

I've had emotional connections with people with people that I met through online dating only to actually date IRL (and I have had friends do this too) and the person turns out to be a lot different in person. You can't trust the way you feel about someone cyber/phone dating.

How many people have you dated (in person) since you've been divorced?

There's already a lot of negatives happening in this scenario and on top of it she lives in another state?

I would let this one go....

There was a guy that I remember having a crush on back when I was a kid. We have some mutual FB friends and sometimes when his picture or name would come up in my feed, I would be like, Wow, he's still really cute! We ended up recently going out, he is a great guy, good looking, but I wasn't interested in going out with him again. I just didn't feel we would be a good match for several reasons.

You can't trust your feelings for this woman without having dated her in person.