That is helpful for you. I think your wife needs a lot of love. More than most.



The fact that WW hates you is a positive sign. I will let Prisca explain why.

Hi livingwell.Right or wrong I looked on my ww emails today and her and the om have had quotes on special beds,hoists,special showers and chairs.I think this means they are planning on getting a place together and she will look after him.
Which I guess means they will want to get married,which means I think she will ask for a divorce.
I know I mentioned divorce before but I really want to get back together but I don't think it's going to happen.
I feel I have lost all hope now.Is there anything else I can do?
I think she does really hate me and I think the om has a lot to do with this.I know I have to look at myself as well.
I do want help,i really do but I have to be realistic.
I don't want false hope.
I do argree that she needs more love than most,but I can't give it to her because she isn't about.I wish I could have a second chance.cheers rob

rob68,

Will you please answer markos questions?

Here's your question.

Radio Clip of rob68's question
Segment #2

I don't know what question you mean.

Isn't that the radio clip of your email to Dr. Harley?

Yes it is the radio clip.But I don't know what question you mean?

Asking Dr. Harley on what to do in your situation.

Hi brainhurts,sorry i was a bit slow to understand what you men't.So you think I should do nothing and just wait?
sorry my head is all over the shop.cheers rob

I rang the council today as I don't own my house.They said it was still in both my ww and my name.
they said they would send out some paper work for both of us to sign so that it could just be in my name.
Should I do this? and if I do I don't know if my ww would agree to it

The goal of plan A is to present yourself as the better option. Asking your wife if you can take her off the tenancy will not do that so do not. The council is trying to help but they do not realise that you want to save your marriage.

Did you listen to Dr Harley's response again? Brainy is a genius at finding the recordings. With that link you can listen again and again. Dr Harley's advice was to do plan A and wait it out.

I have listened to it lots,i even recorded it on my phone.It starts to get more complicated now though.For instance Ww has had a few letters come here in her name for life insurance.
I guess it will be to cover om so she will stay with him till he dies.
Then there is all this disabled equipment that I mentioned in a previous post.
I understand what you mean livingwell about not getting her to sign because of plan A.But on the other hand she could come back and try and kick me out and try and move om in.

Nobody can get life insurance when they have a terminal illness. She can apply all she wants but it will not happen.




She cannot force you to leave against your will. You would have to sign off the tenancy if you wanted her to have the house (you don't). She has voluntarily left and has therefore made herself homeless so the council will not even rehouse her.

There are many stories here on MB where a woman has left the home, been dumped by OM and has returned because she had no other option. That does not mean you cannot recover your marriage. She can fall in love with you again.

How is the extra work idea going? She needs to hear things are going well through your daughter or step daughter.

Got a few extra hours work thanks.
WW keeps freaking me out with texts.I don't understand her reasons,maybe someone will understand better than me.
Last saturday I dropped our daughter to her mum at her friends house.She was going to have her while I went out with this royal marine.A charity put us in touch as both our heads have been damaged.His from wars and mine from my situation.He's a great bloke and have met a few times.we sit around a camp fire in his woods and chat.
Anyway I told ww it was important to me.Half an hour after i dropped d of she text me saying i have left d at mcdonalds as she was having a teenage tantrum.
I thought this very unfair and ruined my morning with the marine.
another example tonight.WW said can her friends d stay at my house with our d yesterday night and then they can both stay with her and her friend tonight.
I said ok.Gave them a lift this afternoon looking forward to some peace and WW texts me tonight saying did u know she was going to cinema with a differnt friend tonight,
i told her why would i know this as you are looking after her tonight as arranged yesterday.
WW said i just wondered if you knew thats all.
I said to ww could you let me know that she got back safely,which she did.
Then gone 10 tonight ww texted and said can i pick up our d as she was hungry and being a pain.I said I couldn,t.
There have been alot of examples like this recently and don't understand it

just had another message saying u need to pick d up in morning.
No please or anything.i might have other arrangements,why does she say she will have d and then make life awkward?

Sounds as if WW is having a hard time coping with your daughter. They are often harder on their mothers than their fathers and in addition I'm sure your daughter is angry with her. You therefore have a chance to deposit lots of love units by being an incredible father. So if (for instance) your daughter had a melt down you tell her that she is not to upset her mother like that.

Well done on getting more work and keep a close eye on that daughter. They get a little sneaky once they are teenagers.

D IS COMING HOME IN A TAXI CRYING SAYING MUM DOESN'T WANT ME HERE

Living Well gives excellent advice here, but I disagree this time regarding calling your daughter out on her tift with Mom. Your wife has abandoned her children, and your daughter should not be blamed for Mom's unacceptable behavior. Without making angry outbursts or disrespectful judgments, your WW needs to be told that DD is angry at her for having an affair and abandoning the family and that this is a normal and expected reaction from any child.

Though Dr. Harley did recommend that you Plan A and find ways to improve meeting your wife's emotional needs, you don't have to pander to her fogginess. In fact, you have a huge advantage. One, this POS isn't gong to be around much longer. Her affair has a guaranteed short shelf life. (If only everyone betrayed spouse were this lucky!) And so what you can do is wait quietly on the sidelines and make deposits into her love bank from a distance. When the POS croaks, you will have prepared for your WW a safe place to land. In the meantime, learn the language of love. Find ways to show admiration and provide her the intimate conversations that she has not been getting from you once she does return. You might want to write a very romantic letter to her sharing with her how hurt you are by her affair but that also professes your love for her in a romantic and tender way. When this man dies, she will remember what you have done.

Hi living well and justthe3ofus.Yes Livingwell has been a great help and has been a rock really.She always takes time to help and has my full respect.But I do agree with you that DD shouldn't be blamed although she can be a pain in the [censored].You are right that this is classic behaviour of teenagers DD age who have had there parents split up.DD school told me this.Yes she is sneaky and 14 now.I spoke to WW for a few seconds when she dropped DD off in the taxi.I told her nicely that DD is her daughter to and what does she expect me to do.I said it doesn't really work when she sees you at friends house.
She seemed fairly understanding and said it wasdifficult.She almost looked like she was regretting things.
I may have put a love a deposit in the bank.
I am tempted to text her today and explain why DD is behaving this way and that we are both in pain.And she is failing at school now.And she can ring the school if she doesn't believe me.
I may tell her that I know deep down that she is still a good person.

I thank you both for taking the time and some very good advice from both of you.Any more advice will be greatly recieved.thanks rob68

She needs to hear that you still love her.