I am basically couch surfing. Most of the time I am at OMs house. Sometimes, I stay at my mom's or a friend's. I am using credit cards. Husband says he will pay for some things, but not everything. But that could change at any minute.

We're giving it - so far you've dismissed most of what we've suggested even though plenty of people in your situation have done just what we're suggesting and come out better for it.

None of them can help you get money to see a lawyer?

A very common sexual predator is "mom's boyfriend." You are putting your young daughters at serious risk by staying with OM.

Of course he doesn't do what you ask. You have to take control of your own life instead of persuading yourself you are helpless.

You're here asking for our advice and support to help you continue your affair and divorce your husband to be with OM.

Hmmm.

You are making a terrible mistake by being with this adulterous wife-beater.

You might well have had very good reasons for ending your marriage, but not for leaving to be with this loser. He is of low moral standards, and he is dangerous. You have absolutely no chance of a successful future with him. I see that he had a girlfriend when he met you. He will be with someone else while he's with you, and then he will leave you, and you will have ruined your and your children's lives for nothing.

I guess I am missing it. The only advice I see is to leave OM and go back and work on the marriage. That is no longer an option.

No. None of them have money

You don't have to go back to your husband. But you should leave OM. He is dangerous.You have daughters to think about.

I am not putting my daughters at risk at all. I have no intention of having my daughters around OM anytime soon.

The same risk exists anywhere up to and including with their own father. I'm not accusing him of anything. I don't believe he would ever do that. Same with fathers of friends houses they go to and sleep at. I am equally cautious with everyone my children are around. I think it's unfair to put more suspicion on any one person more than another without reason. But yes, I am aware of risk and take precautions with everyone.

Why is he dangerous? If he was that dangerous, he would have been prosecuted. He didn't hurt any children. As far as I know there was only one incident. I'm not discounting that one incident and again, I will not have my children around him anytime soon, but he is no more dangerous than my husband based on history alone. My husband has thrown things, screamed in my face, slapped things out of my hand, wrestled me for my phone.... He hit his ex wife, has been convicted of felony hit and run... I guess my children are at risk with him. Am I right?

Yes, you are missing it!

Go back and reread and make yourself a list of the suggestions that were offered.

The numbers say otherwise. You are putting your daughters at risk.

Even if statistics show that girls are most likely to be molested or abused by their mothers' boyfriends??

Molesters really love mothers who think like that.

You are not aware of the risks if you can say this. Girls are molested all the time by the boyfriends of their mothers. Men actually women with young girls in the home for this reason. You are not using good sense in your association with this dirtbag.

Any man who would fool around with a married woman has no respect for her at all. He is using you and will dump you soon. You have no money, no job and 3 children, you are an annoyance to him. He won't support you or put up with all your garbage.

You should do as the others suggest, dump the dirtbag and hire a lawyer. If you don't have the money, then get a job.

[u][i][b]Abuse Risk Seen Worse As Families Change[/b][/i][/u]

- Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological
parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.


- Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.

- Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University. . . .

- The previous version of the study, released in 1996, concluded that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. But the new version will delve much deeper into the specifics of family structure and cohabitation, according to project director Andrea Sedlak.

Yes, and they can easily sniff out the mothers who have a thirst for male attention and put themselves before their kids.

You need to get far away from the OM and if you follow through with the D anyway, then you should stay away from men and focus on your children.

They will be going through a very rocky time with the D for a good long period of time and deserve a parent who is devoted to THEM and their needs.

You understand, do you not, that Dr Harley, the founder of MarriageBuilders does not endorse adultery in any shape or form, regardless of whether you were abused, unhappy or any other reason, right?

He would tell you to leave this OM right now.

Just because this is "Divorcing" does not mean adultery is acceptable in any way.

OK, then Thank you all for your help. I'm NOT going to stay with my husband for the sake of the children and there is no chance for reconciliation with my marriage with or without the OM. Like the title says, I ended my marriage the wrong way. I wish I had left without the man involved. It didn't happen. I regret it deeply. I came here for help with my divorce. The OM wasn't the part I was looking for advice about. I'll find another support group that is more suited to what I am looking for help with. Thanks again.