I am not surprised. I figured everyone knew.

Wow - Tonight was NOT fun!! WW called me every bad name she could think of. She is comparing spying on her just as bad as her affair. She was out of control and still accusing me of continuing to spy on her even though I'm not. Saying that my exposure was going to hurt the kids. She got a copy of the exposure letter from one of our friends. She was extremely mad about the statement that this has been going on for years with several men, and the fact that I had proof and would provide it.

She's threatening to take the car to the police and have them come to the house to scan for bugs. I said go for it (I removed all the stuff when I got proof anyway). She is also giving me some line that it is illegal (which it is not).

The affair took a serious blow though. She told the OM to go work it out with SO. He probably doesn't want to, but WW and OM will not be able to be seen again after the exposure that happened. This might be just a ploy, I don't know. Unfortunately, I made a mistake and told the SO that I didn't care what she posted on Facebook. She told OM and OM told WW and that made her extremely mad. I didn't expect my communications to be passed along to OM, so I need to be extra careful. WW did not mention that I sent OM a text. I'm sure he told her, so I'm curious why she didn't say anything.

WW family is supporting her primarily driven by MIL rallying them. I guess I'm never going to be welcome at their house again, but I doubt we'll have much of a relationship anyway after the Divorce. WW is blameshifting to the nth degree and making the fact that I was snooping as the real problem, not the fact that she has continued to have affairs. (MIL is working her up). She wants me to admit snooping was wrong. Says that people think I'm sick in the head for spying.

WW is totally destroyed because her image is everything to her and now everybody knows who she really is. She is backed into a corner and her family is embarrassed so they blame me for their embarrassment.

WW is also extremely focused on accusing me of turning the kids against her. 17yr old was being mean to her tonight, which I hadn't really talked to him about it the past couple days while exposure was going on. She keeps repeating herself and talking about how good a mother she is. My kids were sick today, she took 13yr to urgent care, then threw it back at me that I didn't check with her all day and I just did whatever I want. We haven't really been communicating these past few days because I've tried not to engage her.

I'm getting all the fog about she was going to divorce me anyway even if she didn't have an affair.

Do I just weather the storm and things get better? I didn't apologize for exposing, I tried to turn it back to her affair, but she was lighting me up big time. I probably shouldn't have entertained the discussion.

I could use some HELP. AHHHH! :0

Here is all the help you need...when she spews her venom at her, just say, "I'm sorry your the consequences of your affair are causing you so much discomfort."

Repeat to yourself when being grilled about snooping, "I have every right to know what is happening in my own life."

What's the legality of the VAR? I was thinking one party consent only applied to phone calls, but I did a little research. Seems like you have to have one party consent for conversations as well.

I am not a lawyer but have been in divorce court.
The laws on VAR are suppose to protect strangers more or less.

However, using a var in your OWN vehicle, house, computers,anything you own etc is allowed at any time. (even if she buys it in her name the laws of marriage would show that it is considered joint property)
Different states -some would allow the VAR to be used in court against your spouse... some would not.

In any case, no one can sue you, fine you or get anything done with: but judge, he used a VAR in the car we both own and I didn't like it!!!! WHY? Well, he found out I was cheating on him....

(think of all the private security camera's people set up with capabilities of voice recording in their car, house etc- they never ask the people coming inside to consent to being recorded)

If you own it: your safe.

if you went and set up a VAR or security camera in your neighbors yard or a stranger: jail time! See, big difference.

Hope that helps...

And it is wayward script to say that they are going to sue you or try to convict you on your snooping methods. Its just angry non sense.

Makes sense. She wants to get along and be friends while threatening me and bullying. She's still in the affair. This morning I simply told her if she wants any kind of relationship with me, then she needs to stop her affair, and I'm not going to back down.

She continues to say that she told him he could pursue the SO if he wanted thinking I would be good with that, but I know she doesn't really mean it. When I tell her to stop contacting him, WW just gets mad.

I'm not sure I should care since we are getting divorced. I do want to run him off from my kids. She just says I'm trying to control her.

That is awesome!! You really have her affair on the ropes. I would call this a huge success. Don't let her shake you up, just say "sorry you are upset that everyone knows about your affair."

It is wrong to have an affair, it is not wrong to catch someone having an affair. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy you behind your back. You had every right to snoop on her and get the truth because she was lying about her affair.


What was the mistake??

Well I thought it was a mistake, but I guess I am programmed to avoid her anger and don't see it.


How should I treat her today? Guess I'll go back to ignoring her and waiting for her to contact me. Last night I went to the YMCA to work out right before she got home. She is noticing that I am not paying attention to her anymore and it is starting to bother her.

BINGO. You are programmed to avoid her anger and you don't see it.

You are really focused on ending THIS specific affair. But the reality is, she is a serial cheater with a long history of affairs and will serial cheat for the rest of your life with her. So whether she ends this affair or not, is really irrelevant, because she will just start another one tomorrow with the next guy who flashes a smile at her. Yes that is your reality. You are divorcing for the reason that she is a serial cheater with a long history of affairs, and life with her will be like a death of a thousand cuts. No one deserves to live like that and you can have a better happier life with someone who will live an affair proof life with you.

Focus on that. Stop engaging in these silly fogged out conversations with her. Stop caring what she thinks about what you told OM's SO, stop worrying about what she is thinking about how you are behaving, stop caring what her affair enabling mother thinks.

Yes, I am divorcing her because she is a serial cheater and will continue to be. I still care for her and have hope that she might change someday.

The exposure is crushing. Even though she has been fogged out and blameshifting, I am feeling a little sorry for her. After tonight, I probably won't feel that way anymore.

Update: Last night we did not speak or even really see each other, so I did not have to hear her yell at me.

Everything blew up last night. WW threatened to call her brother and dad to come out to the house. I told her if she did, I would call the cops. She did, and I called the cops. The police made her leave and she ended up at OM's apartment that he just moved into. She was extremely mad because she didn't win, by she plans to come back today.

She is lying and making up things. I'm going to record every conversation going forward. I hope she just stay's at OMs. She makes me sick, I just need her out of my life.

Good job calling the police. Too many men wait until the situation is out of hand. Keep your VAR on and if she makes trouble again, call the police.

WW and affair enabling MIL are at my house right now collecting her personal items. Can I change the locks now?

You bet! Change the locks..

WW and MIL chewed me out yesterday. Called me names, attacked snooping methods, spewed venom about me calling the cops. I stayed cool and recorded the conversation.

I have pictures on OM truck, work badge, video of WW dropping OM off at his truck, video of the walking into a store holding hands, Pictures of GPS locations, and VAR evidence of sex, etc. I edited it down into a 1:30 video.

SO and OM are getting into a Facebook war with OM denying as well.

WW is denying having intercourse. WW's family believes her. Her story now is, "I made out with him, but we never had intercourse."

I continue to get upset because of the deceit. WW is telling me that she is not going to bring men around kids or into her new house, but I know she is lying. I want to expose evidence (no one has asked) to stop the lying, but I'm not sure it will gain anything. I am trying to be above everything but I've about had enough. What do you think I should do?

She has admitted the affair, but you can expose the evidence you have if you think it will be useful. When will she be moving out?

I would also coach your kids to call you to pick them up if she brings around an OM. They are old enough to be able to protect themselves. Also, they don't have to visit her in her new place unless they want to. Most judges will not force teenagers to visit.

WW has moved out her clothes and is staying with affair enabling MIL. WW has not stayed out the house for 3 nights which has been nice.

Had a tough day yesterday. Our house is being shown this morning and she was going to help get it ready. Yesterday morning I told her that I would take care of it and I just needed a day to myself. She wasn't having any of that, she has to have her way. She was also trying to get 17yr old to stay with her. She brought 13 yr old boy. He broke down with me and we cried. He said he didn't know what to do, and that he was lost. We talked and he felt better. I invited him to go to the movies. Both boys wanted to come.

Melody, after the movies I did talk about OM with both boys alone as you suggested. They both said they had already been talking about that together and they want nothing to do with him. So the boys are starting to work together and discuss things which they hadn't done in the past.

Affair is still going. Put a big dent in it though. They will have trouble going forward. My wife likes status, and that has gone down to zero in town. I don't think she has realized that yet because she's blinded by the affair, and she has not been in social settings with people from the community.

I am so glad she is out. I still care for her and love her even though I shouldn't. At least now, she can carry on her affairs and I can ignore it. Plan B will be hard because we have joint custody. In the divorce papers, it says we have to be available for at least a 10 minute call per day to discuss the kids.

Thanks for refreshing my memory. I remember now you told me she moved out. Did you change the locks?

Glad to hear your kids are talking with you. How confusing this must be for your 13 yr old. Can you imagine how confused he would be if you hadn't told him the truth? Poor kid.

Is there a reason you are selling your home now? That doesn't seem like a good idea at time when your kids need all the stability they can get.