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DeepSorrow #2897967 04/27/17 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by DeepSorrow
Divorce is filed for judgement. Lawyer said that the judge might sign it tomorrow or early next week.

Yea!! smile
dance2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2897972 04/28/17 08:27 AM
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WW is a little nicer after she know this got filed and I am trying to work with her on my 17yr old son.

I wrote, "I called <lawyer> earlier. He says the divorce will be filed today. He says <17yr old) should follow it. I will see if I can convince him to get back on the schedule.

She wrote, "Ok, I think that we just need to work together on everything. Nobody else will be living at my house except me and the boys. I will do what is necessary to make the boys comfortable here. I think it's important to stress communication and if they are upset about something then they need to talk about it first before anything else."

She has moved OM's property and he is staying there when the kids are not. One factor in this is that her dad bought her a nice house that she's living in, and I believe he put stipulations that she can't have another man live with her there.


DeepSorrow #2897974 04/28/17 08:50 AM
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I don't think you should force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He is 17, doesn't he get to chose?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



DeepSorrow #2897975 04/28/17 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by DeepSorrow
She has moved OM's property and he is staying there when the kids are not. One factor in this is that her dad bought her a nice house that she's living in, and I believe he put stipulations that she can't have another man live with her there.
So then her dad's stipulation doesn't mean a thing since she's moved OM in?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2897977 04/28/17 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
I don't think you should force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He is 17, doesn't he get to chose?

He is playing nice long enough to get the divorce finalized.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2897978 04/28/17 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
I don't think you should force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He is 17, doesn't he get to chose?

He is playing nice long enough to get the divorce finalized.

Of course, good luck trying to get a 17 year old to do anything. smile


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markos #2897980 04/28/17 09:56 AM
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I wish I had shared this with you earlier, but when I drafted the marriage settlement agreement, I included in it that my girls would not live with their mother if another man was living in the home with her. She agreed and signed it. I am not sure if your wife would have agreed to that the way my exWW did, but it's always worth a try. Something for other BS's to consider who may be reading this.


Last edited by Justthe3ofus; 04/28/17 09:57 AM.
markos #2897982 04/28/17 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
I don't think you should force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He is 17, doesn't he get to chose?

He is playing nice long enough to get the divorce finalized.

Of course, good luck trying to get a 17 year old to do anything. smile
That's exactly what I was thinking.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



markos #2897988 04/28/17 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
I don't think you should force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He is 17, doesn't he get to chose?

He is playing nice long enough to get the divorce finalized.

Of course, good luck trying to get a 17 year old to do anything. smile


yup! rotflmao


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Justthe3ofus #2897989 04/28/17 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Justthe3ofus
I wish I had shared this with you earlier, but when I drafted the marriage settlement agreement, I included in it that my girls would not live with their mother if another man was living in the home with her. She agreed and signed it. I am not sure if your wife would have agreed to that the way my exWW did, but it's always worth a try. Something for other BS's to consider who may be reading this.

Of course, it won't be an issue if the teenage sons refuse to go there!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2898000 04/28/17 12:56 PM
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I talked to the other lawyer. She shut me down when she found out I was already represented. But she said a had a great case to get kids in the divorce. She said after divorce I have to show a change of circumstances for custody. She didn't seem as positive as my lawyer on getting the kids after divorce. I think my lawyer wanted 2 things. Get divorce final, and show that the oldest tried the custody agreement and it did not work out. I'm not sure the latter is that compelling though. I think WW was worried I would contest with OM having all kinds of legal problems (5 DWIs) and her recently getting one.

The other lawyer said 13yr old must follow the agreement.

This is all new to me. I didn't get OM in settlement because I kept the affair to myself until after she sign it. If I would have exposed before that, there would have been no uncontested divorce.

I hope I did all the right things. I'll let everyone know what 17yr old does.

Last edited by DeepSorrow; 04/28/17 12:59 PM.
DeepSorrow #2898012 04/28/17 04:02 PM
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Wouldn't the change of circumstances be that the kids don't want to live with her? I thought at a certain age they were able to be a part of that decision. Honestly with the 17 yo it's a mute point as he's going to do what he wants anyway.

I think you did the right thing in terms of getting a quick uncontested divorce with no alimony.


unwritten #2898059 04/29/17 08:48 PM
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I think since my son is living with me already, it is not a change of circumstances, but it could be okay since he's 17.

I forgot to tell you all that my wife has been on and off of depression medicine for the past 10 years to medicate her issues. She would go off and have problems. Her mom always made her feel guilty and said she didn't need it. After the student in October, she went to the doctor, said she was bipolar and prescribe a medicine. Everything was better until February. I think she got triggered and quit taking her medicine. I had look at her medicine bottle that was a month old and there was more than half left.

I know this doesn't change my situation with the divorce, but I was wondering if others have had experience with something like this. I am curious if she could get back on medication, whether it would make it better for me and the kids? What's a good way to address this since she doesn't care what I think anymore? Although I've been around her a long time with this behavior, I don't know much about it. Also, she's drinking a lot which doesn't go along with the medicine.

DeepSorrow #2898067 04/30/17 03:27 PM
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I took 13yr old to WW house. I dropped him off where she wouldn't see my car and come out of the house and bother me. She immediately starts texting and calling about 17yr old to find out where he is (this is a typical weekly ritual).

I finally sent her this text to keep her from harassing me, "I talked to him about following the schedule. He is thinking about it. I am going to try to get him in there tonight. I have all his clothes cleaned and ready to go."

She sent me this text, "Ok. When I talked to him Thursday I said I would see him Sunday and he said ok. I would like him here by 5 so I can cook dinner and help him study for a test please."

I doubt he will go, we'll see. She will start harassing me again.

The last couple days have been sad for me. I've got to put her out of my mind. Once divorce is final, I am going to put pressure on her to sell our house, then I can be done with her.


DeepSorrow #2898068 04/30/17 04:40 PM
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Well she started getting mean when 17 yr old didn't come on time. I told her not to text me if she didn't have anything nice to say. Still not sure if he's going. We'll see.

DeepSorrow #2898071 04/30/17 05:50 PM
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Tell her you have tried everything you can think of and suggest she text and call him because maybe she can convince him if she speaks to him directly.

Brits_Brat #2898072 04/30/17 06:49 PM
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He finally went over to her house about 7:30pm (missed dinner). She called me 40 times in a row again. I thought she might break her personal record but didn't. I ignored her after she got nasty with me. I will use the advice on how to handle this next time around. Happens every week.

I do have an intermediary lined up now for when the divorce is final. I'm sure she still blames me that her kids do not want to stay with her. I'm so sick of this, and can't believe someone I loved would be this way.

Last edited by DeepSorrow; 04/30/17 06:50 PM.
DeepSorrow #2898073 04/30/17 08:24 PM
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You will feel so much better once you are in Plan B. I can't imagine what a toll living with a wayward for as long as you have takes. I am glad you are finally done with it and moving on to better things.

unwritten #2898143 05/01/17 02:43 PM
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How do most betrayed spouses get over betrayal? Is there any other ideas? I guess Plan B is the answer.

DeepSorrow #2898166 05/01/17 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by DeepSorrow
How do most betrayed spouses get over betrayal? Is there any other ideas? I guess Plan B is the answer.

Plan B will seem like heaven!

Then- start creating a life that you really want- get some new or old hobbies going.... work out, keep or make yourself fit, keep up with some good friends...
all of that helps.
I also prayed a ton and focused on being an amazing mom to my kids.

That will all help!

When will your divorce be final? How soon can plan B start?


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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