Am i in the right here to be upset? Okay, brief overview, married 26 years, H is chronically unemployed, jobs last no more than 2 years, he injured himself last year, he was off all year,had a part time job for 3 months and again not working, he could find a job but does not try very hard to do so.I have been under major stress being the financially dependent one and especially so since my job may be ending as the company may be selling.
Had a big blow out with him, and of course he tells me "this is bullsh*t and i am over reacting. He has 2 guy friends that are always buiying concert tickets (which the concerts are always out of town) and buy him one (which he pays for ...or techincally I DO). they are not cheap and its often, like every 2 months he is going, im never considered when they get tickets or they happen during the week when he does ask but he knows i am working. I have said nothing, i have kept quietly annyoed at the point he is not trying hard to find work and that he is going out spending money that we should be spending on other things, mean while i sit here thinking i can't buy new runners cause i can't afford it, but he goes and buys $200 tickets to concerts. I told him i feel hurt as i am never considered when going to these, i am rarely asked. He then tells me well your not invited, i didnt buy the tickets, i am lucky i have friends that buy tickets for me and ask me to go and that i should find a hobby ( i guess going to concerts and having drinks is considered a hobby). I lost it on him, I told him first its hurtful on a weekend you do not consider asking me, and secondly i have been stressing over living on one income and you just taking off to concerts is stressing me out financially. To top this all off, he just got some inheritance money, which he immediately went out and bought a 15,000 boat with it! and tells me i am such a stick in a mud for not being happy about this!

Welcome back. Does your H know of MB? No wonder you're upset it doesn't sound like you use POJA at all in your marriage. Am I correct?

Have you read through this? How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage

ya i mentioned that saying, you know i think it would be important that we both agree on purchases and things we do especially over a certain amount which he just thinks is ridiculous. ITs infuriating especially when i work hard and try and NOT spend money and he just hardly works and spends. Which was really ridiculous was him saying "you need to get a hobby" like going to concerts and drinking is a hobby! ?*&^&$#$

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And getting a job he will keep is pretty huge. That sounds like a great space to get started working together. And since your job is insecure right now maybe you can job search and network together.

Hi, frustrated, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am glad you are here, but sorry for the frustrating circumstances that bring you here.

Interestingly enough I just heard Dr. Harley address this kind of situation on his radio show. It's getting more and more common, and it drives wives nuts. Here's a link to the recording I was listening to:

http://marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=07046

Oh yeah, you're a stick in the mud while he acts like a 15 year old dependent in your adult marriage. It's unfortunate that he put you in that position. He acts like you are his mother because he is acting like a teenager. You getting a hobby is not the solution. GRRR.

Hoping fellow MBs have a better answer than me...