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Joined: Dec 1999
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Tulip Offline OP
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Ex called tonight wanting to know if he could take kids 400 miles away to visit his parents for his visitation this summer. (I have to agree as our divorce papers state that I have the final say in decisions regarding the children.) I told him I was not comfortable with that because he has threatend to kidnap them in the past. Not to mention, that this will be the first time the kids are away from me for any lenght of time. I feel that it would be best for them to stick close to home.

There are also numerous other reasons that I don't want them to go such as he drives like a lunatic, sometimes exceeding 100 mph on trips. Obviously, we did not get along well on trips! Also, his parents completely condoned his being with ow and even spent several nights with them at their apartment. My ex-father in law seemed to think that the whole situation was funny. None of this bunch seemed to care one iota about how two young children felt when ex left to be with ow.

My ex knows that his parents are welcome to see the kids when they visit so it is not like I am keeping the kids from their grandparents. As a matter of fact, his parents have been up to visit him 4 or 5 times in the last 11 months since our seperation. That is more times than they visited in the 2 1/2 years previous.

I feel I am just trying to look out for my children's best interest. Of course, my ex was a little upset at my answer, but I figure "oh well, so what's new?" Sorry for the vent, but I'm just a little frustrated.



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Not only no, but h*ll no!

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Since I had to sign the divorce papers that my ex had typed up there is nothing I can do about him taking them out of town.

It is very frustrating...my ex drives like a maniac.....drinks while driving and will NOT stop for bathroom breaks.

My ex's family has not seen the girls since Easter.....and that was him bringing the girls to them. In our 12 years of marriage....his mom had visited us 3 times....and one of his brothers has never come. His other sisters and brothers....each have 1 trip under their belt. Now he wants to take them to see them every time he has them.

They only live about 2 1/2 hours away.....but...I hate it because when we were married I usually drove to avoid the speeding and to let the girls use the restroom.

Right before our divorce was final.....1 week....my ex took the girls on a wild 4 day trip to Tennessee. I got 2 phone calls....Monday and Tuesday.....and that was it. I tried to call the hotel after Tuesday and was told they checked out. I tried to call his apartment.....no answer. I did not get to talk to them again until Sunday....when he dropped them off. I was scared....stressed...everything....because we were going through a custody battle...I was not sure I would ever see them again.

I gave our oldest a pre-paid calling card. She used that on Monday and Tuesday. But then he refused to let her call anymore.

But I knew that because she had said she would call every night...and she didn't. It is so sad.....

Do your children want to go? Can they help him make a better decision? Mine had no choice. They are not allowed to voice their wants.....or their likes and dislikes with him.

Give them a calling card....tell the responsible one to call you every night. If you don't hear from them.....call your attorney. It may curtail further out of town trips.

Nancy


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I wouldn't let them go. It's nice that he's going to see family, but I think there are too many unknowns and possibilities to let that happen now. Maybe sometime in the future when things settle down it could be different, but for now I'd say keep them home with you.

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Tulip Offline OP
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Grandpabri2,

Thanks! It helps to know I'm not just being cruel.


Nancy,

Gosh, I know you have had it so hard with your ex. You must have been in a panic when you didn't hear from your girls I'm just so glad that he didn't do anything crazy like take off with them.

My ex is acting so wierd. Apparently, he is not all that upset at my saying no about the trip. He keeps calling and is just sooo nice, but I just can't trust him yet. After all the pure h*ll he has put us through it is hard to imagine this is the same person.

Unfortunately, my kids will do anything to please dad so I'm afraid to give them much of a choice right now. For instance rather than ask dad to slow down, my son would tell him to speed up. My son has done that when I was present. If I thought my ex would do things the right way I would have no problem letting them go. This divorce thing is just all so sad.

I hope things are going better for you now. Take care.


Popeye,

I agree. Maybe in the future there will be a possibility, but I don't think now is the right time. I guess I'll just have to wait and see whether he is going to act like an adult or not.


Tulip


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Hi Tulip,

I've never responded to you before, or at least I don't think I have. However, I have some experience with this.
My H wanted to take the children to visit his family last Christmas. I assumed he would fly up to get them, and then take them back to Melb. No, he wanted to take 'our' car, which I had got in the separation. No asking mind you, just assuming that would be ok.

Anyway, I did let him take the children, as we have been quite mature and civilised throughout this mess. I did make one condition though. Someone had to be with him as he drove to and from here. It is fully a 2 day drive to Melb from here, and he was under so much stress, from work, from our situation, and the situation with OW. I didn't trust him not to fall asleep at the wheel, or not be concentrating.

I was sick the whole time, however, I knew that he would only have their best interests at heart. His mother drove to Melb with him, and then his father drove back up here with them.

One good thing did come out of it. He said he would never drive all that way with them again. Next time they would fly. Yayy.....
but didn't I suggest that???????
It was another case of Jo suggested it, so I won't do it...........

If you have any serious worries or concerns, re kidnapping, dangerous driving, and behavioural issues like toilet stops, then don't do it. The safety and welfare of the children must come first. It has to.

I hope you make the right decision, and that he respects that. Surely, you would think that they would put the children first, although I am seeing more and more that they don't. For whatever reasons they manufacture in their own minds.

I hope I have helped, in saying that sometimes it is OK to let them go out of state. However, I would never have let mine go if their safety was an issue.

hugs to you

Jo


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OMG!!!!

I'm stuck int the big black MB hole.......however does this happen???!!!! doh2

Not

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I SWEAR that this is a conspiracy theory............I bet Mel's behind it........ grin

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Originally Posted By: not2fun
I SWEAR that this is a conspiracy theory............I bet Mel's behind it........ grin


rotflmao

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Originally Posted By: not2fun
I SWEAR that this is a conspiracy theory............I bet Mel's behind it........ grin


think what are you doing??


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: not2fun
I SWEAR that this is a conspiracy theory............I bet Mel's behind it........ grin


think what are you doing??


Every once in awhile when I get on the boards, all the threads are from 2001 or so. I have NO idea how this happens. Some putter tech thingy I will NEVER understand. I only know that I can't get out of it. So I post on some random thread, seeing if I'm the only one this happens to. I usually am. I call it the "MB Black Hole". Since this only seems to happen to me, Im beginning to think it's a conspiracy theory........ wink
rotflmao

Not


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