I’m not going to say so much in this post - I went home early from work today ( I couldn’t just sit there crying now could I?)<P>Yesterday I was so sad and so depressed so I called MM’s brother trying to get W number and to tell her about that we wore still seeing eachother way after Dday - (advice I have gotten both here and by friends) He wouldn’t give it to me and O **** - you don’t even know .....<P>Let me tell you just this...MM called as ”normal” this morning to me at work and when he asked me how I was I hesitated for a split second and the said. It’s not good It’s really bad. <P>I don’t really know what I’m writing here because I went home from work and bought myself some whiskey so I’m a bit .......you know.<P><BR>Anyway we have definitely split up - He actually said that he was glad that I brought it up - he had been thinking about it but as me never wanted to say it out loud.<P>In some way (strange way since this is for Marriage Builders!!!!!!!) - All the readings and all...... geeeeee I’m sorry I can’t even type straight....<P>It’s over! - It’s not Like it’s over and talk to you soon /not over but we will always be friends...../It’s over and he cried but I hung up! - Now my eyes are swallowed and I could care less if the sun rises tomorrow. <P>If I ever needed support - this is the time and hour. - I feel like I want to die - and at the same time I feel like this is the right thing to do.<P>If I sound a bit crazy - please forgive me - I’m trying to get majority drunk !!!! - Not that it will take away my pain but just for today - I can not breath.<P>Tomorrow will be another day........<BR>

Humble,<P>You are in a lot of pain. But you can be proud of yourself and have a lot of self respect. You did the right thing. You know that. <P>I for one am very very proud of you. Hand in there, the other's will be along soon.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I never thought I would get over the OM but I did and you will too.<P>NO CONTACT is the key. Do it for you!

Wow, good for you. You can do this. Be strong. One day at a time. Sometimes it might be one minute at a time. <P>Anyway we can help you through this and you to continue no contact, we'll be here. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. It will ease with time.<P>Hang in there! {{{Humble Fish}}}

Zorweb and beautiful<P>I know I'm doing the right thing but It hurts like hell - and right now If he went knocking on my door I would probably give after. But since I made my case to him he will not!<P>Thanks for responding!<P>Zorweb<P>I have read a lot of your posts and I'm very greatfull that you respond to mine - I'm just in the split-fire of my resoulution to my A - So If I don't answer to all the threads and yours - I hope you understand - Thanks though for being a ...might I even call it friend???.....

Hi Riskal<P>Guess we posted at the same time - didn't want to leave you out - What am I smiling about???????<P>Thanks for your support!!!! - I'm so weak right now so just thank you!

Humble -<P>I know how you are feeling right now. Even though I was the one to end the affair, implement no contact, because it was the right thing to do - well, I felt just as miserable as you feel right now. In fact, I would get drunk, have some beers, and that made it even worse (alcolhol is a depressant, not a stimulant). In fact, I felt so bad. I hated what I had done to my H, but at the same stupid time I missed the OM and couldn't stop thinking about him.<P>I cried all the time, and actually tried to kill myself - not once but twice. Thankfully, I wasn't successful, but that's how bad things were for me. But, with time, I did get over what I have done, my H forgave me, I know God has forgiven me (and that's important to me), but after about a year in recovery, I finally forgave myself. In time, I also got over the OM. I realized, based on my past experience, that I could have met and fallen in love with anyone, but chose to marry my H.<P>The OM was fulfilling some of my needs, gave me the attention I craved, made me feel good about myself, made me feel confident, strong and sexy. But, what I finally came to realize, and it took a whole lot of time for me, was that the OM was no different than any other guy I had dated and not married. When I really took a good look at thim and his character - yes, he was a nice of enough guy, but really, a relationship with him would never have lasted - even if I were single.<P>Ironically, a big thin I always looked for in a H, in a man when I was dating was still important to me - trustworthiness. If the OM was willing to cheat with a married woman, what would prevent him from cheating on me - if we ended up together.<P>Yss, I know you feel like you are losing a friend, maybe even a "love of your life" kind of thing, but you do get over it in time. And you know that, it's kind of different to feel that way, I know.<P>Alcohol won't help anything, in fact it made me feel even worse about the situation (always does). So, while you're feeling down, just know that alcohol, drugs, death - they're not the answers - they only compound the problem.<P>As much as you don't want to admit it, this other man, how much could you really trust him - if he was cheating on his own wife? How much do you think you REALLY knew him, everything about him? If you think he could keep secrets from his wife, how many secrets was he keeping from you? He said he wanted to end it, and that it has ended - so be it. You are a lot better off with him out of your life than having him in it.<P>I know you feel lousey right now. But in time, I hope you will see this guy for who he really is, see all of his faults in addition to all the things you liked about him. Yes, he lied to his wife, but that's between him and her right now. If it were me, I would try to separate myself from him completely. You don't need him. You don't need him to be happy, you don't need his companionship, you don't need his friendship, you don't need his support, you don't need anything from him that you cannot get from your own friends and family. Look to them for support.<P>You can get through this. . .you know that already. But we're here for support, too. So, hang in there.<BR>

((((((HumbleFish)))))) - I know you are hurting so much now, but it WILL get better. You are such a sweet person and you deserve the best in life. You have chosen to go down a better path, and although it may seem like a rougher trail now, it will soon clear and become easier. You have a lot to be proud of yourself for - you have shown great courage and strength and grace. <P>Peace, Paint.

Humble,<P>I'm off to work now but wanted to drop you one last line.<P>Some days we just need to immerse ourselves in our pain. It’s part of the healing process. I think it is the only thing you can do today. So do it in style. Take a hot bath, drink some tea and water between you’re the alcohol.. It will keep the hang over from being as bad as it might be. <P>Most of all just take care of you. If you have a friend who can come spend some time with you, call them. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

SKM definately and Paintbox too....<P>I have read your posts an SKM - raelly I agree....<P>I don't want to leave anyone out here . but I have to adnit I'm a bit drunk right noe - So I¨ll just stop posting for a whilr....God only knows since I can hardly see the damn screen for all of my tears.<P>Thank you - and even though I'm not a religious person I would like to say "BLESS YOU" .If that's OK.....

Humble -<P>Yes, it's okay. Thank you and God bless you, too.

WHOA, just read HumbleFish thread and I have to admit, i had to LAUGH!! You can see, that with it response and by her spelling she is getting tipsier (sp? or is that even a word, oh well I just made it one!! ) and tipsier!!! HumbleFish, i am in no way laughing at your pain just the mind-visual of you drinking as you are trying to type! We all know the pain of having to let go, there is nothing like it and it is all consuming in everything you do. But just take it one hour at a time.

Humble fish, you did well, and when the pain lifts a bit you'll be glad you did it.<P>You showed strenght and courage. <BR>You're a survivor too!<BR>HUgs<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"

HB I've been following your journey and this time I had to respond. My single daughter has also been (?) waisting her time with a MM. This one has 4kids! and is a Mormon Bishop! anyway I wish I could have her read your story. She would however, not read anything I would suggest to her. So I'm going to tell you "as if" I were telling her that MOM is so very proud of you!!!! I'M crying too!!!!!! You will grow so much through the strength you have shown. You will gain respect for yourself, you will honor yourself and set up boundrys that will not let this happen to you again. This is what Honesty, Integerity and Character are all about. Please stay on this board, keep reading, posting and most of all growing. Hold your head up high as you have done the "right thing" for you (you want to be 1st not used and not 2nd) You did the "right thing" for her as the golden rule applies ALWAYS. You did the "right thing" for him and he knows it, If he has any respect for you, he will honor it. MOM is so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Marry

HF,<P>It's gonna be difficult for a while, but it does get better. You can drag it out by having contact on occasion.<P><B>Yesterday I was so sad and so depressed so I called MM’s brother trying to get W number and to tell her about that we wore still seeing eachother way after Dday </B><BR>Please don't speak to his wife. It won't make her feel any better.<P><B>MM called as ”normal” this morning to me at work and when he asked me how I was I hesitated for a split second and the said. It’s not good It’s really bad.</B><BR>DON'T TAKE HIS CALLS. IF HE DOES GET THROUGH, IMMEDIATELY SAY, "I CANNOT SPEAK WITH YOU, GOODBYE" and leave it at that.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I passed out - go figure!. I just woke up with a major headache and a mouth that feels like a rat died in it - sorry for being so detailed. I feel like crap. Alcohol is a grate pain-away-taker for about 1 hour or so then you have to pay for that aswell.<P>I’m trying to pull myself together to take a shower before I go to bed. But just the thought of it is like climbing Mount Everest. Perhaps I’ll just go to bed and try to get some ”real” sleep If I can.<P>Thanks all for your peptalk - I needed it. <P>Everything feels so unreal right now - like some bad dream an awful nightmare. It’s like If I’ll wake up any minute and everything will be fine.<P>gottruth?<P>Thank you for your post - It actually made me cry - and I promise it wasn’t the whiskey - Wow I made a smily....Really thanks - I hope your daughter gets trough her mess. You know nobody can end it but yourself (that meaning myself or in her case herself). You just have to reach that point, she will one day and then she will need you more then ever. I know you will be there for her. I’m blessed with a mom who has listened to my drunken cries this afternoon and I thank God for her. In pain we need all the listeners we can get.<BR>OK now I’m beginning to ramble again.........<P>Ps. I’m sure I have said this before in one way or the other - but this board had been a major factor in what I did. I have read here like crazy the last weeks and what I have read and the responses I got to my own posts contributed a lot to my action today. <P>I feel like writing a minor novel right now but I won’t bore you - Ahhhh that headache.....I’m off to bed, to h**l with the shower, I’ll just set the alarmclock one hour early tomorrow. And I hate mornings. Right now I just want to go to sleep and wake up next year or so - a bit like the bears (smart animals - they just go to sleep during the wintertime and wake up at spring). I want to be a bear!!!! i'm just so afraid right now my emotions are really f****d up!<P>OK - Now I’m really rambling......and I’m waking up - that is not good - tears come with awakening........<P>((((((((HUG))))))))<P>PEACE!!!!!<P>Ps II<P>Did you know that your President (Mr Bush) is coming to my town tomorrow (EU-meeting) lots of hotshots are coming - they have half the center closed off and secret agents running all over the place. Kind of unreal.....<BR>Everyone is concerned about the demonstrations and the riots that might come..... Perhaps I’ll descise myself as a terrorist and make my life even more ”interesting” - OK bad joke.... Have I rambled enough???? ....YES I have!!!!!!<P>PEACE!!!!<BR>

Chris<P>I know what you are saying - but his time there will not be any contact. When you know someone as well and in the way we know eachother (xMM and me) you know when it’s serious and when it’s just ”half-serious”. He won’t fight me on this not now and in a way that is what hurts so much. That it’s really over!<P>I know what you are trying to say and I’m grateful for your responses to my post. I have to admit that sometimes I feel like you sound a bit ”cold” like you are just posting a ”good to know text” or I don’t know how to explain it. But I understand that you have your own history and I’m ever so grateful for your replies <BR>

This will be a long night....No way in hell I can sleep right now and its 11:30 AM? (never can get those AM/PM things right It’s 23:30 in my frame of understanding) and I do not want to drink anymore!!!!!. I’m sitting here surfing the boards and just crying. I know I’m a bit dramatic right now but I really don’t want to live anymore. Puhhhhh what’s the point. When will I ever be able to trust anyone again????.<P>How can i go to work tomorrow?????? - all swallowed up in my face and not able to concentrate on anything???? - just those thoughts that go around in my head.<P>Sorry for rambling but I just need to get my head straight and this is one of my ways - to just write.........<BR>

<B>I have to admit that sometimes I feel like you sound a bit ”cold” </B><BR>Not my intent. I guess I have gotten tired of tapdancing around the issues with people (not their fault.) I just lay the facts on the table.<P>I hope I have been of some help and not disouraging toyou at all.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris<BR>Chris <P>As I said you have helped me in your subtle way !!!! . Perhaps I’m one of those people that needed a bit of ”tapdancing” since It's new to me but I get your point!!! Facts on the table is your game - Emotions on the table is mine. Perhaps that is where we differ?<P>Nevertheless, you have NOT discouraged me at all! you have helped me as many others here.<BR>