Just wondering what you think. Those who know me, I'm most likely going to Plan B by my summer vacation, cause I take the kids for 10 days.<P>WS wife asked me for Father's Day breakfast about 5 days ago. I said sure. Two or 3 days ago, I heard she was going to another city 2 hours from here to party Sat. night with 3 girlfriends. Leaving the bars at 3 AM, home at 5 or 6 AM. I wondered how Father's Day breakfast fit in.<P>So I asked yesterday, are we still on, and where are we going? She said yes, we're on, doesn't matter where we go.<P>Today, I once again confirmed that the party was still on. Sure enough, she called to say she can't make breakfast, so we'll do dinner. Well, I do have other plans, but I could rearrange them. But I don't feel like it.<P>I said that breakfast was better, so she said that "actually, I couldn't get a reservation till 11 AM, and I work at 12, so it isn't possible". I suggested a restaurant that doesn't need reservations, but she said "no, I've got to go". So she added, "it is your loss if you can't make dinner".<P>Well, if driving 2 hours to party and have guys pay attention to her is that important that she values it more than honoring the breakfast she already scheduled with the father of her kids, then she can go pi** up a rope. According to her friend that is going, they go there because guys line up to talk and dance with them.<P>I've been very flexible all along, bending all my own plans to accommodate her convoluted stories and plans, but I'm sorry, I can't do it this time. Not when I know what she is doing.<P>I have no problem with spending time with her tomorrow, but I can't accept the lying about "no reservations", and just the whole sympathy dinner the fits into her partying life.<P>What do you think? Was I wrong?<P>I could say that I know what she is doing, but I'm supposed to not know.<P>I could also call back and accept, and she'll say fine. But I want to know what you all think.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited June 16, 2001).]

IMHO, don't do it. This is a boundary issue. You made plans and planned your day around this event. Now she wants to change it.<P>Too bad. Maybe she can plan better next time.

Hey Rick -<P>I'm just "checking the boards" while doing laundry. In my opinion, I would do what YOU want to do, with your kids. She seems to think that it will be your loss if you don't go to dinner, but I don't think that's true. This is just me, but if you're going to go to Plan B anyway, I think I would stick with the plans I had already made. Spend as much time with your kids as you can - and forget about your wife and when she can "squeeze" you in. To me, if she can't get up early enough to go to breakfast - a breakfast she wanted in the first place, than oh well. Unless of course she's buying dinner - which would be a switch considering that she doesn't have a lot of extra cash right now.<P>If I were you, I'd do what YOU want to do. If you want to go to dinner - then go. If you don't want to switch your plans, then I wouldn't. It's father's day - not let's accommodate the WS day. . .

Another attempt to manipulate and make you look bad. Do what you want. These plans were made, all involved adjusted their schedules. Don't let her make your day bad. <P>Take care of you and your children. Have a nice dinner. <P>L.

Thanks for the quick replies so far. I don't want to give in to this silly stuff, and it sounds like you agree.<P>Thanks. I'm still interested in what anyone else has to say!

Rick, obviously this breakfast event is important to you because of; 1) you are a father 2) your W initated it which gives you hope and 3) it meant spending a morning "as normal dad's do on Father's Day" without feeling out of sorts with the lifestyle that you now live as a family unit. She crashed your hopes but I truly believe that you were apprehensive of her plans from the start. Has your W always been one to rearrange schedules to suit herself? <P>I agree with the other responses that you've received from your post. This is YOUR day and you can make it very memorable for you and your children. Focus on being a father.....someone whom your kids love and adore. Make them feel extra special for making you the dad that you are. They are the ones who deserve to see your happiness on your special day. Do not disappoint them despite your W's desires.<P>Happy Father's Day to you and all the daddies out there.....<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited June 16, 2001).]

Somehow I'm thinking that a true plan A responce to her offer would be to go to the dinner she's planned but only if you can be happy about being there. It could turn out to be a nice evening for you. If though, you really do not feel like changing your plans, and will not have a good evening with her, you are probably better off staying with the original plans. That's how I see it.<BR>As far as her partying with her girlfriends- I've done this many times with my girl friends and it never was as "exciting" as it sounds.<BR>If you turn her down for dinner, remember not to LB. Be pleasant!

So I have an update. She called me (on her trip) to ask if we can meet for coffee at 11AM tomorrow. For this I said yes. She works at noon. So no breakfast, no dinner, but coffee. Whatever.<P>I'll have a fun day. Having her involved was never part of my plan, because I knew already all I'd be offered was the token sympathy get together. And as far as the dinner goes, I already know what it would have been like. And it would have been something quick, not enjoyable, and just a token Father's Day event. She is not concerned about anything but herself. The father of her children is meaningless in her current state of mind.<P>I know I sound harsh, but it is the reality of what exists now. No hope whatsoever exists in my mind just from her inviting me for a dinner. It has been like this for too long, and her style is quite clear.<P>My 5 year old son just said to me as I tucked him in, "you are going to have a fun day tomorrow Dad for Father's Day". He wants to put streamers up for me. That is all I need. I have my kids. I don't need my deceptive, immoral, lying, cheating, phoney wife involved, because right now, she has no meaning in my life, and soon she will be more out of it, when I'm in Plan B.<P>Thanks again everyone. I just needed to hear what you thought. Sometimes it is hard to separate yourself from a situation and think clearly. But deep down inside, I just could not be a part of this latest foolishness.<P><BR>

Have a wonderful day with your kids - it's a day for them to spend time with you, so forget your wife and go and do something fun with them - zoo? movie? park? or take them out for a fun dinner, then back home for video's and popcorn!<P>Your affirmation for tomorrow is:<BR>"I am important in the lives of my children"<P>Happy Father's Day!<BR>hugs, Paint.

Rick - sorry I arrived late. I was leaning toward suggesting you go to dinner until I read this line:<BR> <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>"it is your loss if you can't make dinner".</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>How did you keep it together? This makes ME mad. Just based on this one statement, I changed my mind and would suggest you skip dinner - if only because it would be tough NOT to LB after that exchange.<P>Enjoy your kids and be the terrific Dad that you are.<P>WAT

It was my gain not going to dinner with her - sad but true. I had the coffee at 11 AM, just 1.5 hours before my daily dose of alien entertainment (see my entertainment post).<P>She got a call on the cell during coffee, and she was obviously not able to talk properly, answering questions with "because...ummmm....because". I found out they arrived home at 5 AM from the big party trip.<P>Anyway, I awoke today to my kids telling me to wait upstairs while they got downstairs ready for Father's Day. They came and got me, made me wear a Burger King Crown on my head, and lead me downstairs to see streamers taped around the family room, on the TV screen, a lamp, two walls, and a chair. It was very cute. They had wrapped some videos and a candle as gifts. Now if that isn't what life is all about, I don't know what is. If my wife could only clue in to that.<P>I had a very fun day with them, and they were adorable.<P>PS: MIL, who I've been very close to through out this whole mess, did not call me on Father's Day. It has been different for about 3 weeks, coinciding with increased contact between wife and MIL, AND wife bringing OM around MIL. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited June 17, 2001).]

Hi Rick,<P>Glad you had a nice day with your children. That was so cute what your children did for you. <P>Enjoy the good and discard the bad. Your children will be young only for a short time. Never to be duplicated again. Enjoy them, your W may catch up later. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Hey, Rick.<P>It sounds like you had a great day with your kids - and, yes, that's what its all about. Staying out and partying til all hours of the night gets old. . .trust me, I did that for a long time, and now I really regret all that time wasted. And, I know I say it all the time, but I feel sorry for your wife - because she really is missing out on all of the "good times" with her kids. Even if things don't work out between you two, I think she will regret it in time - and regret the times she's missed her kids growing up. It's sad she couldn't be a part of the day's activities, but I'm glad you had a good day anyway.<P>Your MIL. . .well, she is your wife's mother. And I hate to say this, even though she may not agree with what her daughter is doing/has done - she's still her daughter. And, maybe she's kind of "given in" to her daughter in her own mind. . .You cannot explain it really, but there is a connection there - no matter how strained, and maybe your MIL realizes that her daughter will always be her daughter -and she still loves her.<P>I know how upsetting it can be - to feel like your MIL is avoiding you - but you just cannot think about her and her relationship with your wife. You need to do what you need to do - spend time with your kids, do Plan B - whatever it takes. . .just hang in there.