Hello all<P>I hate to say this but here I go again after almost 2 years of rebuilding I have just found out that my husband has been cheating on me again ! yes again I am 3 months pregnant to, I had an annon tip off phone call and when I confronted him he confessed all ! He says he loves me (yeah right!!!) and wants to work it out , part of me wants to but the other part hates that I have go through this again ! and that he did it while I am expecting his child! Dam him! The times I asked if all was well with our relationship! the lies he has told me I just don't know I am in shock one would think that since I got through this once before this would be a sincth well ITS NOT DAM I hate this ride here I go again<BR>Jen<BR>South Africa

I am so sorry Jendan, I remember you use to post a long time ago. I really have no advice, just keep posting. I know you are angry and feel that the past 2 years have been a lie, so just take it 1 MINUTE at a time. Does he say what the circumstances were that lead to this again? Did you guys go to counseling for the first affair? I'm sorry I remember your post name, but don't remember your story too well. No need to write it again if it is too much, just know that we are here for you.

Hi trying<BR>Thanks I know your right I should keep posting I just feel so mad so humiliated like you said was the last 2 years a lie ? what about our baby ? Why he did this ? Well his reason is mostly sex he feels nothing for her and gave her up the minute I found out as far as I can tell they have no contact I am keeping tabs on all the phones etc, Its supposed to hurt less when there are no feelings from him to her LOL ! he maintains its not as if he loved her or anything. <BR>we did have counciling for the 1st one but perhaps we have both slid into bad habits again I do realise that I am partially to blame for the way things are but I also feel most of the blame lies with him,<BR>He told me she is a dog compared to me (supposed to make me feel goo after he has wbeen sleepng with her for the last month?) And the sex was not that great pales in comparison to me (another feeble attempt!)thats why it only happened 4 or 5 times<BR>oh I just can't belive this again<BR>I have to run its time to go home here now but thanks trying so much for being there for me<BR>Jen

Hi Jen,<P>I remember you well from two years ago, and I am so very sorry to hear that you have to go through this again. I have also had to survive twice, but with the same OW both times.<P>I wish I had some wisdom to share with you, but all I can do is remind you that you are strong enough to make it through this, and that now you have a new and precious reason to live for.<P>I'll be checking back on you, and wish I could do more.<P>Best wishes and prayers for you and your baby!<P>Peppermint

Thanks perppermint your prayers mean so much, I know I have a lot to live for especailly now .... it just hurts so much I really thought that once would have been enough for him and me I really thought he was sincere I know we will get through this but what scares me the most is will there be a next time? And if there is what will I do then? You see I know one day at a time but when its twice over you start to wonder that maybe there is somthing drastically wrong with yourself if you know what I mean yet our counciler feels tha he has many personality problems which make this easier to do for him its like he has no concience or somthing I don't know I feel so lost I think of how happy we were about the baby and now realise that he was sleepng with her ... that hurts alot, all the lies he told and I belived DAM I am gulable arnt I?<BR>well enough rambling now its a new day with a new set of challenges and I have to get on and try to face em right?<BR>take care<BR>Jen

Hi again Jen,<P>I strongly believe that there is a difference between devoted trust and gullibility. You love your husband, he made promises to you, you chose to forgive him and wanted to believe him, so you gave him another chance.<P>His choice was not as noble, unselfish, or difficult. He made horrible choices to break his promises, be unfaithful, and take the easy "temporary feel good" road. NONE of his actions are your fault.<P>In these first terrible confusing days, the temptation is to run away or get revenge. Now is not a good time for you to make any big decisions. It is time for you and your baby to come first, so take care of yourself as best you can. Rest, lightly exercise, and eat as well as you can. Focus on the precious gift you will be receiving in a few months, for you are about to experience a love that is so unique and special you will be amazed.<P>While it is true that your husband might choose infidelity again or that your marriage might end, the two of you will be bound together forever by this child. It will change things, and that chance might be for the better. Perhaps fatherhood will make your husband realize that he no longer wants to live a life filled with lies, dishonesty, and cheating.<P>No matter what he does, you can survive it. You can be happy again, and the sight of your child's first breath, first smile, first step, etc., will fill your life with a joy that you have never imagined. My "baby" just turned 18 and is about to go away to college, but her presence in my life is what helped me make it through these past two horrible years. Your child will do the same. While I am closer to the age of having a grandchild than a new baby of my own, I will always remember the complete joy and love of holding my own little boy and girl, and in that I envy your soon-to-come birth!<P>Your husband had another affair for the same reason he had the first, HE WANTED TO. You didn't fail, he did. You didn't make him want to, he was selfish again. You can't control him, please don't let him control you or your feelings.<P>I'll continue to pray for you and your little one, and watch the forum for status reports on your pregnancy.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

hi Peppermint thanks for your kind words and yes I know inside me you are right he did it cause he wanted to, yet I still feel somehow Ihad somthing to do with it !.... About the baby this will be our third so fatherhood is not new to him at all our oldest is 10 then 6 both girls, now this little one who will be born late December this year.<BR>Run away well I did that last time it took me no where fast, revenge I almost did that last time too, But I figure I would hate myself the next day , its just the hurt the humiliation of it all the fact that he did it AGAIN Oh Peppermint I hurt so much I am sitting here at work reading your post and crying cause you touched my heart with your kind words thanks I needed that, somtimes its hard to cry even when you really need it<BR>Jen<BR>South Africa<p>[This message has been edited by jendan69 (edited June 28, 2001).]

Just moving this up I am in South Africa (big time diff to most of you in America) Its time for me to go home my day has ended yours is just beging, Just so that this does not get passed up due to time diff I remember that was often the case when I was last here about 2 years back LOL this time differnce makes it harder to get quick feed back but hey the support and advise I got here was priceless and helped no end besides rather late than never right?<BR>Take care y'all have a great day now<BR>Jen

Hi Jenny, <P>I'm beginning to wonder if rekindling an affair is a normal part of the process. It seems like it happens so much. I think going through it again is probably the worse than the first time. Unfortunately, you aren't left with a choice - you must go through it again. I'm so sorry. <P>On the bright side, I think you are better equipped now to handle the issue. That doesn't make it any less painful; on the contrary. You forgave, you trusted, and your husband let you down again. Every time he does that, intimacy between the two of you stretches further and further a part - HIS loss. <P>Jenny, be strong. The Lord is by your side. And unlike your husband, the Lord will NEVER forsake you. Open yourself up to His guidance, lean on Him for comfort, and use His strength to persevere. We are always with you in spirit. <P>I'm praying that the Lord will open your husband's eyes to the damage he is inflicting on you and your children. Would he want you girls to marry a man like him? NO. If your new baby is a boy, is he setting a good example for how a husband should love, honor, and respect his wife? Definitely NO. <P>I hope your husband hits bottom soon, it's the only way he has a chance to really see himself in the eyes of others. If he's a lucky man, you may there to help him pick up the pieces. Otherwise he will be missing out on a wonderful loving lady. <P>God Bless you Jenny.<P>SHA

Hi again Jen,<P>I didn't realize that you had other children already. Oh what would we do without that precious innocent love they give us?<P>I remember the pain of DDay #2 so very well. I didn't think I would live through it, but I did. So will you, though it is hard to see right now.<P>I'm still praying for you and your family.<P>Peppermint

Hi SHA ever the kind gentleman, nice to hear from you again just really sh1tty circumstances LOL, thanks and yes perhaps I am better equiped this time around but to be perfectly honest I am not sure I am up to it again? <BR>Peppermint I hear you and thanks a million<BR>Jen

Hi Jen,<P>First, I was "new_beginning" and I remember you too... <P>I am so sorry you have to be back with this horrid news. And yet, you have been blessed with a new life growing inside of you.<P>I can't believe how hard it would be to deal with the normal feelings of being betrayed with the added hormonal stresses of being pregnant while going through this. I am so sorry! <P>Just know that you are being heard today... and prayed for...<P>(((((Jen and baby))))) and what the heck, (((((Jen's H)))))<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Dear Jen...<P>I was 5 mos. pregnant when my H started his PA. If fact we told family the Sunday before he slept with her! To make a long story short... I plan B'ed 2 wks before baby was due. <P>We are still trying to work things out. I am here for you. I know what you will be going through. Its tough, but they are right! Looking at my baby girl helps me keep my sanity.<P>Keep your chin up...

Hi there Nyneve Thanks I remember you to as new begining, Thanks for the hugs much needed connorsmom I have not had the pleasure yet but thanks its nice to know I have friends to count on when I need them, I will be leaving work now for the week end as its 16.10 pm here friday but I will be thinking of you all this week end be stong and again thanks<BR>Jen

jendan69~<P>As Peppermint I too discovered my husband with two d-day's with the same OW. They were six months apart. It is a nightmare no matter when they happen.<P>When I first found MB forum I do remember you, you gave so much support, and now it is our turn for you. <P>{{{{{{{{{{jendah69}}}}}}}}}}<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby.<P>Judy

Hi Judy Thanks really I appricate it ..... what else can I say I am hanging in here as best as I can, H did not come gain last night he is not at work either today I have no idea what I will tell my girls tonight ... well I suppose the truth is better than a pack of lies right? I really have no idea where he is<BR>have great week end<BR>Jen

Jendan,<BR>I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had to tell my daughters too many times that Dad wasn't coming home, but they'd see him soon. Your 10 year old is old enough to know, no matter what you tell her, that something is amiss.<P>Take good care of yourself and your girls. Really concentrate on that...something you can do...put your H in God's hands, He has a plan.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jendan, baby & daughters}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Lor Thanks and you are right God does have a plan for H and I know his time is not our time ..... I just hope I can be strong enough for all of us and hang in there cause its getting really hard to do<P>Keep well<BR>Jen

Hi I just realised somthing I am sure that if there are any "oldtimers" out there you will/might remember my problem with H last affair and oral sex (he used to love it then all of a sudden hated it - said she bit him there, and several stories that changed over the yeras LOL) well for the last 2 years its been totally off limits and very missed by me as this was somthing we both really used to enjoy... heres the funny part all of a sudden (evening of discovery and most nights there after) he has been requesting it (oral sex) after an abscence of 2 years and many requests on my part all of a sudden he remembers how great it was and now wants it 24/7 again? go figure any input on this one? It has me totally puzzeled<BR>Jen