as i posted earlier husband left in january and by the end of feb.was living with ow.at first we had no contact and then at the end of may started saying he wanted to work things out.he is still living with ow and telling her different stories than he tells me.she has no idea that he told me he wanted to work things out.we have a six yr old and at the same time he comes around for her when its convient for him.everything he does if for ow.and if he speaks to me in front of her he is rude to me.we started going to counseling but that isn't getting anywhere he is still in ow home. and was saying he needed time to leave b/c they work 2gether and didn't want her to feel bad to come to work.(sounds fishy to me)and she of course knows nothing about the counseling sessions.this wkend he gave his mother ow's address and his mother went over there.things were said and now he is saying he wants to get a divorce b/c of his mother going over there. meanwhile he gave her the address and she told him she was going there.but now he wants out.i don't see what that has to do with me but that is fine.i just can't take anymore of the lying and different stories he tells me and her. that just seems childish.meanwhile he hasn't been around all wkend to see his child but acts like he loves her so much. i just seem to be doing everything for our child. and like i said before when he wants to play good father than he comes around but everything he does is for other woman.he speaks nasty to me.his mother also and only speaks kindly to her.i feel like the hell with him i can raise our child by myself she doesn't need him coming in and out when he feels like it and who wants to be bothered with all the nonsense.also now his mother said she wants nothing to do with him due to the way he is with his child,me and herself. so all he has is the other woman may the make one another happy. divorce is just the best way to go.any respones??

bumping

Hi Leftalone:<P>Welcome to MB... <P>Waffling...eating his cake...fence-sitting...it's all the same...and a lot of WS do it...because they are not sure what they want...and this can even extend as far as making threats about divorce. <P>Have you just found MB...or have you been lurking for a while? If you've been lurking then you have probably found that what you are going through is very similar to others' experiences on this board. Why is that important? Because it means that there also may be common outcomes. Extensive reading will make you better acquainted with the whole process....and it really needs to be done preparatory to making any plans for recovering your marriage...if that's what you want...and even if you say not now...you may not feel that way tomorrow.<P>The waffling really is a good sign...it could mean that he is beginning to have doubts about whether he really wants OW...for a lifetime....and taking a second look at the marriage. But this is a two step forward, one or two steps back type situation...usually drawing away from OW takes time....and he is still in the beginning stages.<P>If you do the required reading, you will discover the term Emotional Needs and discover how important it is to making a plan to recovery your marriage. There are books to read, concepts to grasp, questionaires to fill out, couseling sessions if you can afford them, all to help you find out what you need to do. It's all here if you want to try.<P>Please don't read anything into your WS's not spending time with you and child right now....he is too heavily into what we call the "fog" right now to see much pass OW and her charms (yeah, some charms). But the father and husband you knew are still in there somewhere...and some day they will return.<P>Meanwhile, something was wrong with your marriage...use this time with MB help to do some self-exploration and evaluation of your marriage and to work on making yourself a better partner...although we don't usually recognize it we all can make progress in that area.<P>Keep coming back and posting. Let us know what's happening.<P>Faye<P>