Just wondered how you are doing...

I don't know that he's still reading here.<p>The last I spoke with him (privately) he was fine, but a bit disillusioned with the "hate" shown here towards his lady friend. [his word not mine]

Wow, hate is a strong word...I did not see hatred...I feel that the OW, unless it's a friend is the BS, ows nothing to the BS. It's the WS who committed the betrayal. I don't even hate the OW in my own situation. I have nothing to forgive HER for, SHE did not betray me.She owed me no loyalty, my H did. <p>I think we were tyring to get him to see some reality in her, probably too soon. Hope his M is OK, which should be the real concern.

Weather it's right or wrong he loves her (his lady friend). And I know that I would not like anyone talking bad about a person that I love.<p>Maybe he's just having an "exit affair." Who knows. Something tells me that he won't be posting about it over here.

Yeah, my H was having an Exit affair, too, until I told him I wasn't waiting like a good little girl to be chosen. I was filing for D the following day and had been asked out on a date and was going. Told him so as not to be dishonest.
Wow, wonder of wonders, he BEGGED to come home within the hour!! Exit affair,huh? <p>I hope he knows what he is doing...He may very well love the OW. But who does he want to live with? He hasn't had to face his W's pain yet,has he? Hasn't told her yet? That may change some of his feelings, It sure did in our situation. I'm sorry he's hurting...I can't imagine his W isn't going nuts trying to figure out what's wrong...and the OW is in pain,as well.

Maybe it wasn't an exit affair. Read this. I had a split-self affair.<p>Conflict Avoidance Affair
Conflict Avoiders are nice ­­ they're terrified to be anything but nice, for fear that conflict will lead to abandonment or losing control. They don't have a way to stand up to each other when there's a problem, so they can't resolve their difference and the marriage erodes. An "equal opportunity" affair. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Intimacy Avoidance Affair
Intimacy Avoiders are frightened of getting too close, so they keep the barriers high between them. Conflict is one barrier, affairs are another. Their emotional connection with each other is through frequent and intense conflict. Often, each spouse becomes involved in an affair. These couples are the mirror opposite of the Conflict Avoiders. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Sexual Addiction Affair
Sexual Addicts use sex over and over again to numb inner pain and emptiness, much like alcoholics use alcohol. Among married people, men are sexual addicts more often than women. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Split Self Affair
The Split Selves have tried to do marriage right. Both spouses have sacrificed their own feelings and needs to take care of others, and the deprivation has caught up with one of them. The affair is serious, long-term and passionate. The spouse who is having the affair focuses on deciding between the marriage and the affair partner and avoids looking at the inner split. Most often this is a man's affair, but that may be changing. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Exit Affair
Exiters are Conflict Avoiders at heart, but they take it further. One spouse has already decided to leave the marriage and the affair provides the justification. The other partner usually blames the affair rather than looking at how their marriage got to this point. Another "equal opportunity" affair.<p>[ November 28, 2001: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</p>

INTERESTING stuff...My H is a conflict avoider extrordinaire!! So many reasons he has given...but in his words the bottom line is...He was unhappy with his life but not with me until her. And he says, If he had REALLY been as miserable as he told himself he was, he would have left long ago. He is a very selfish man who did not appreciate what he had, he became a different person who acted outside his own character(hmmmm...).
I think his was a combination conflict avoider/split self/exit affair. With a little mid life crisis thrown in for fun! And he is VERY happy NOW.It's me who is having a hard time seeing him the same way.