Hi all.<p>I've been posting over on the women's bible study forum about my job, but it is so much more than that.<p>Job is in the pits, and I've been through so much stress. Behind in my assignments for school (spending all my time documenting what happens at work.) Husband blames me for the woes of my job - but it is not my fault. Now he has been lovebusting pretty much constantly for a couple of weeks, about my job, about my frustration, etc., but today is the topper.<p>Am having such a hard time sleeping - so I wake up at 4 a.m., 2 a.m., have not slept a good night for about 3 weeks straight (walking zombie) and go back to bed (luxury on Sat to be able to go back to bed.) H's sister comes over a little after 9 am, wants H to go with her to the Honda shop. They walk out the door. Less than 1 minute later he walks back in "You *itch. You ignored my sisters message on the machine about Christmas. You f*((*(( *****." Slams the door and leaves again.<p>His other sister called about 2 weeks ago and asks if my son wants to be in a gift drawing with 4 of the 9 or 10 cousins. (This means that not all cousins will be included, just the ones that this SIL usually buys for.) I tell her that I am opposed to participating in any kind of gift exchange that excludes some of the neices and nephews, that I don't want to be part of a child's hurt feelings. She was pretty angry, and of course, husband gets drawn into the conflict. He says "I don't care if it is right or wrong, it is much easier to just be part of it than to have problems." I told him if he wants to be part of it, that is up to him - and that I do not approve, but I am not participating.<p>Now fast forward to today. I have a Christmas celebration for whoever would like to come, including my husbands family every Christmas. (H & I have been doing this for the past 11 years, and continued it when we moved here to MN. It is "our" tradition, but before it was "our" tradition, it was "my" tradition.) We have always attended all his sisters famiy gatherings everytime we are invited since we've lived in MN. But as soon as we moved her to MN 5 years ago, his sisters said "Who the He** does <tnt> think she is to have Christmas? So they boycott our house for the holiday. To top it off, one of them will plan a Christmas event invite everyone. They will not come to our house for Christmas, and husband (and consequently our son) usually feels 'trapped' here with me. <p>Okay, fine. If they don't want to come to our house, that is up to them. But it still makes me angry that someone plans a 2nd party just so they don't have to come to our house. I've complained about this for several years to my husband, and he says the same thing. "It is much easier to go along with it than to have problems." Well, so I just left it alone, plan my Christmas day as ususal.<p>But when they get back from the Honda shop, his sister comes in and wants to know why I won't be coming to her house. sheesh. Husband starts screaming and yelling, calling me names, wishing he had left me 9 years ago, sister in law throws a fit (although at first she tried being drippy sweet) and I just said "Look. You guys do what you want, you don't care how I feel, it is obvious, so being angry is only hurting you guys. I am doing what I want to do, and if you don't like it, tough. I am entitled to look forward to my holiday, also." <p>They realized that they weren't getting me upset, so then they started asking me about how I feel about my "dad", reminding me that my dad was a heavy drinker and about my childhood when I was growing up... (what does my dad have to do with any of this? he lives 2000 miles away, and has NEVER shared a holiday with us in MN. Only been here 3 times to visit!) So, I said, "Yeah, my dad? Yeah, sure he was a drinker. So what? I love my parents, and I have no problems with them, what is the problem?" So they bring up that I don't like how people sit around a drink and fart and cuss at family gatherings. "So, I don't like it? What do you care? I don't control anyone. That doesn't mean that I don't go to your house on holidays, because the men in husbands family are crude." <p>So SIL says, "well, you don't like my dad either, because he drinks." ???? Hmmm. boy are we not on the same page. <p>"If your dad wants to drink and cuss - that is up to him. It doesn't affect my life, at all, he lives 2000 miles away from me too! What is your problem? If none of you want to come to my house on Christmas, that is up to you. I don't feel obligated to attend any of your family gatherings either. We'll all be better off. If you don't care how I feel, I am not going to be concerned about how you feel."<p>"Well, if you don't want to be part of our family, then why don't you move back to CA?" I said, "Gee, because I am married, and we have a son?" <p>Ohhhhhh that made husband mad that I stood my ground. <p>And you know what? I don't care! I have had put up with enough garbage from 3 of his sisters to last me a lifetime. I try and get along with them, I don't call them to cause problems, I don't walk in their house and attack them verbally, I don't gossip behind their backs (too much, I guess) I don't have much to do with them. If I did get too close to them, it would just be more trouble.<p>I told my husband last year, that it has been the worst holiday in my life, and that I decided that I am going to make next year (this year) special, and if he didn't want to be part of it then I was making plans to spend this hoiday by myself - at a soup kitchen or something. I was not going to have him or his family or his X ruin this year's Christmas. I dont' care if I spend the entire day by myself, I am going to enjoy it.<p>Thanks for listening to my vent.
TNT
