Hi,<p>I have post my topic in other thread but has since got little response. I really hope I can get more support as I know I am shutting up myself now .. I cannot handle the pain and hurt anymore. <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=006909

on my way to read it, please hang on

Oh SO i really don't know what to say.<p>I am first of very sad because of the situation your WS has put you in. You need to start plan A now, plan A doesn't mean you only work to meet WS EN, but also you work on yourself.<p>Learn to live on your own, seek your own strength, I know it does sound like too much to ask, what the hell, it is too much to ask! But oh it is your choice to take this road and do your best.<p>Sit and think of how you can improve yourself just for you! Go out, excersice, run, use the sadness, turn it into anger, and use the anger to give you strength.<p>Your WS thinks your marriage is boring? well show him what you'd like it to be like, really!<p>I am so sorry I can't help more, all I can do is send a big e-hug. And hope the best for you.<p>Please don't give up.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

A very big thank you for your advices and supports.<p>My mood has swing so wildly that one moment I feel like I am right to do what I am doing now, but the next I will call myself selfish and feel wrong to stop him from going for his own happiness. You know, walking one moment to the right and the next to the left. <p>Sometime, I just suspect that I will go crazy with all this battle to myself up in my head. Anyway, thanks again, it is just like I can see some lights out of this total darkness.

Hello,<p>I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Please know that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Your H is so very, very wrong. I truly hope that he realizes the damage he is doing before long.<p>As devastating as your H's behavior is, the sad truth is that you cannot make him change his behavior. In fact, trying to force him will probably hurt your cause. For now, work on developing your strengths. Examine your best qualities and take advantage of them. Show your H what an outstanding person you are by example.
Try very hard not to dwell on the A. Be an actress. In his presence, let your positive side shine. <p>However, you do have the right to set boundaries:
If you do ......, I will do ....... , or I will not do ..... if you continue to do ....... You will have to decide what you can live with. You do not have to let him control your life.<p>If, after a good effort - maybe 6 months?- your H
chooses to maintain contact with OM, it is appropriate to move to Plan B if you are wearing out and losing your love for him. <p>Some people may say, "Let him go." Well, don't make it too easy for him to leave. He is not thinking rationally right now. Most WS are in a state of denial of reality and work hard to justify their behavior. Most know deep down that what they are doing is wrong. Most eventually realize their mistake. You, the BS have to be an anchor for your M while H sorts things out.<p>In the meantime, it is so hard for the BS. Take care of your health. Let a family member be your support. By all means, come here to vent so that you don't LB your H.<p>Let us know how you are doing. Take care.
Estes

Bad news: I broke down last night when he was out.<p>Good/bad news: When he came home, he told me he breaks off with OW out of pressure. He is willing to try out for us. It will be a long way to go for us. I am just afraid he will not really try, e.g. he will still think of the OW and compare etc ...I was too exhausted after the break down to think of anything. <p>Feel better after the break down, like off loading all the staff out at long last. Anyway, will do my best. Thanks for your listening ears.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Talked with H. <p>H said he was pressured to come back but not out of his own will. Guess now he is in resentment phase. H suggested to separate for a while as he needs time and space to think. <p>I agreed to it. I think it is in a way a time for me to learn to live a life without him. Though I may regret it later, I cannot think of anything better than this. Just hope everything turns out better at the end of the day.

SO,<p>How long have you and your husband been married? Are their children involved? Please tell us more about your background and how you ended up in another country with your H.<p>I might be reading between the lines somewhat, but I get a strange feeling that the two of you have not been married very long.<p>Why don't you tell us more about your story?<p>Hang in there, hon,<p>belld

married only for 10 mth and this happend. together for 4.5 years. No children. <p>You will be able to get the detail history at:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=006909 <p>We met in Aust. After that I came to his country to want so that we can be together. <p>Sorry, I am not in the mood for more writing of the past as it brings the pain when thinking of the sweet memories we used to have and now we end up in this mess. <p>I know of the danger and rish involved to stay separately. Actually I am not sure it is a wise choice for me/us. Both I just know that I cannot let him come back to me just out of pressure. Because he will feel resentment towards me and our relationship. He will never really want to try. <p>Actually, to tell flankly, I do not know whether my decision is correct or right. And, I dun know whether I will have the strength to go on. Though yesterday it sounds so logical and sensible to me, and I talked quite wisely/rationally, I hope I really was talking wisely and rationally. <p>One thing I am glad though is he said the only one he can think of to call when he was so down is me. Because he know I still will think for him, because I am not selfish, and because he knows I will be there for him. At least, it is a comfort thought for me that he knows all this and he only think of me at his desperate moment. Maybe you may not see my point of why I derived comfort from it but I just do.<p>Anyway, I think it is also about time I try to stand alone, to try out a life without him. At least, if it really come to the end of our relationship, I hope this will help me to stand alone at that time.