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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 129
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ellyn Offline OP
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 129
Ok, here I am 15 months into recovery, my FWH has been wonderful to me, loving and caring. He is open and willing to talk about anything that bothers me. He tells me and shows me how much he loves me every day. So why do I feel so empty inside. I know I should be jumping for joy, I have a loving, caring H, who wants only me. Am I crazy. The only thing I feel, when I let myself feel anything is hurt. Will I ever be able to get over the pain that his affair caused me? We went to MC for a year and she told us that our marriage was great and that as long as we keep talking to each other we would be fine. I seem to say and do all the right things but on the inside I'm always thinking that if I let my guard down, put down the shield I build around my heart, he will just break it again. I know this isn't fair to him or our kids, but I can not let myself be hurt like that again. I know I would not be able to handle the pain again, last time almost killed me. He knows how badly he hurt me and has promised to never hurt me again, but I can't seem to believe him, even with all he has done to prove how much he wants our marriage to work and with all he has done to make up for his past mistakes. Am I crazy? I know I should talk to him or someone about how I feel but I can't seem to trust anyone. This feeling of being empty inside only started about a month ago, has it happened to anyone else? Will it go away? I don't know what to do or were to turn.

Joined: Mar 2000
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ellyn~

Congrats on the 15 months of recovery!

What you are feeling is normal. You are protecting yourself from getting hurt, that is understandable. I did the same for a long time too. In fact my FWH said that I wasn't letting him give me the love he wanted to give me. I couldn't trust him with my heart. I feel you are doing the same thing.

We are 2 1/2 years in true recovery. I now am able to give him my heart but still with some uneasiness letting this happen. It is very hard to give such big trust, but with time you will be able to give him the trust. Something he must continue to do is prove his trust to you. As long as he continues to show you his love you will drop the wall and feel the trust returning.

Best wishes and continued recovery,

bighope

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: bighope ]</small>

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oops double post.

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: bighope ]</small>


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