I am stationed in Germany. Wife is in California. I want to still make the marriage work and she doest. My question is. I just read HIS NEED HER NEEDS and loved it. It really open my eys to what went wrong. Should I send her a copy of it to and do you think she will acctually read it?

Thank you so much......DAN

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sandcrab:
<strong>I am stationed in Germany. Wife is in California. I want to still make the marriage work and she doest. My question is. I just read HIS NEED HER NEEDS and loved it. It really open my eys to what went wrong. Should I send her a copy of it to and do you think she will acctually read it?

Thank you so much......DAN</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't do it .... reading your recent post, you are LB'ng by chasing her !!!. This will be an LB'ed for her as trying to teach and to violate her wish to separate.

I would write a plan A letter ... however it would not make your wife back either. It would be a series of actions to convince her that you are a change man and you could change .... This letter would be a start of your plan A.

-later- rh

Redhat what do you mean Plan A letter. You think that I should tell her that I am plan A ing her. I dont think I should because then she will think that me changing as a person and being overly nice to her is not true.

I think I should send her the book but only because if she reads it she may see where we went wrong with our marriage.
Dan

Sandcrab,

I recommend you send her the book. Just don't preach it, send it to her as a gift with some other gift items, small maybe a couple of things for the children (can't remember if you have any or not). Maybe a trinket or 2 for her (earrings, bracelet, etc.), along with the book with a nice note in the book from you to her.

Let her know that you found this book read it and found it interesting, thought she might also. No preachy stuff..... leave it light and gentle.

If she wants to talk, there is more you can share with you but that you should wait until she responds.

Just an FYI, I think you said you were in SF area? If so, there are a few of us in this area. If your W ever wants to just talk, I can be available. Let us know. If I don't respond to your thread quickly, others here will know how to get ahold of me. Remember this is to help your W. I am a BS not a WS.

Does she like to get e-mails or letters? Maybe you should limit your communication to that level for a while. Less anger to throw back at you. It will be harder for you but maybe better for her.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sandcrab:
<strong>Redhat what do you mean Plan A letter. You think that I should tell her that I am plan A ing her. I dont think I should because then she will think that me changing as a person and being overly nice to her is not true.

I think I should send her the book but only because if she reads it she may see where we went wrong with our marriage.
Dan</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Basically a letter to acknowledge your mistakes as part of this mess, acknowledge your love and acknowledge your beleive that if both of you willing your M could be restored.

About the book, find your best freinds that "might" have an M problem and give the book for them to read. Why ?. She is deep in her fog, anything you give her is considered negative ... or worst, like my ex, she read it, understood it well and use the MB to fillin OM' ENs .... I called her OW from hell !. She used MB to persue OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . Don't waste a good book, shelf it for now or give it to someone else. Wait until she starts comes out from the fog to give it to her and by then both of you should see MC anyway, and hope they are MB conselors.

just my 2¢ -rh-

Neither of us has really cheated on one another this time. This is our second seperation. On the first I had a EA and my wife had a small PA. I told her after the first time that I would never cheat on her again and I havent. We seperated this last time because of some realy stupid reasons (long story and I hate my self because of it). My wife has just now started seeing someone else but knows that it wont become serious.

I am from the Modesto area. I am stationed in Germany right now but grew up in the valley. I wish someone would talk to her but I know she wont listen right now and I would be afraid of what she would say if a stranger contacted her about us. I just feel so out of control.

So I am going to send her the book and ask her nicely to read it. No mater what happens to us it will help her if she ever plans on marring again. I love this woman more than anyhting in this world. (next to our children) So if anybody has any more sugestions please please let me know.
Thanks so much for being here for me
Danny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sandcrab:
<strong>Neither of us has really cheated on one another this time. ..... My wife has just now started seeing someone else but knows that it wont become serious.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Danny, I don't know what is your definition of cheating. Anyway, concentrate on your plan A and safe your postage stamp for the book and get a nice card of trouble relationship from hallmark, add a few words and send it to her instead.

I guess I dont consider it cheating because we are legally seperated. As of right now she wants a DV. Im takeing your advice and will hold of on buying her the book for now. Im not going to send her mine because I enjoy reading it when I am thinking of her.

So how often do you guys think I should send her little emails and how much of my feelings should I tell her. I have been keeping the emails to just asking questions about her and the kids and wishing her a good day. I also end it with telling her that I love her. There is so much more that I want to tell her but Im afraid she will turn it aginst me. I really want to call her but I dont want her to get angery with me. I miss her voice so much.

Well Im off to try and get some sleep. Thanks for the advice redhat and orchid. If you have any more just let me know.
Danny

Redhat I read the letter for WS in your sig area. Do you think I should send this to my W. I know our situation is differnt but maybe she may see the fog she is in with this new OP.
Thanks
Danny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sandcrab:
<strong>Redhat I read the letter for WS in your sig area. Do you think I should send this to my W. I know our situation is differnt but maybe she may see the fog she is in with this new OP.
Thanks
Danny</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Danny,
Right now anything about R from you is not good at all. Do you have anyone that could print that letter and send it annon from local modesto post office ?. Probably Orchid could mail it for you from Pleasanton. However that letter might not bring your WW out of fog ... the process is very slow and long !!!!. If a woman unhappy for a long time then decides to stray, at least it would take that long to came out of it unless there is a life altering event. SH put is like throwing stones in a deep river ... you have to keep throwing beleiving that one day you will see the result. The draw back is that your W might discover this site and your identity ...

-rh-

Thats great advice Redhat. I also read the post from Carol on your signature and it gave me some hope. This is very agrivating. So I should just continue what I am doing for the time being. I sent her a card before I left and I will send her a post card I wrote while I was flying here. I am also just sending hello emails to her. Like I said before it just really sucks being so far away from the woman I love.
Talk with ya soon.....Danny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sandcrab:
<strong>
Talk with ya soon.....Danny</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, I do call some MB brothers but my ATT minutes w/o limit doesn't cover Germany. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I have to wait [b] world w/o limits ... lol !!! -rh-

IHate this whole area!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!space...........no one answers!!!!!no one cares......no one really is there for this is just a set up for just certain people'''''this is not the same as having a human lover......give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you never get answers you only get to read other peoples responds for other people...if you think you will get a response forget it .....only the ones that wife's just purchase two red love seats all the replies and responces go there......I know what I am saying I have been here for four solid yearsssss..and I still have to yet recieve a email response from someone...come on after four years............it's sickening.........

<small>[ March 07, 2003, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: BarbT ]</small>

Hng,
Do What YOU want to do gheeze what would that be?????????? l let her go if she is young to find someone else.....if she is an oler woman then let it be......she <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> is too old to dump in the garbage can...YOOOU are better theen that ............there are few men that can really claim that medall....

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 03:03 AM: Message edited by: BarbT ]</small>

HnG,

Just checkin' in on you. Took some leave today, yardwork and such. I hope things have calmed down a bit. I'll check bac in later.

Doug

Here is a update

I havent spoken to W in a week. I havent email or called. I think she is mad at me but anyway I told myself to give her some time, so I am.

I am going to call her this weekend to just check up on my boys and see how they are doing. NO R talk or anyhting pretaining to us. Even if she wants to Im going to calmly ask her not at this time. Maybe when ever you are ready just to talk respectfully and truthfully give me a call.

I do miss her so much. I cant wait to just here her voice. I wish I knew what she was thinking about and doing ( i posted a thread about spying but decide aginst it) This is very agrivating but I can tell a differance in myself already. I am not angery, I have found some patiance, and I been thinking about my family and my wife (not just myself) more than I have in a very long time. I am just now starting to see all the complaints she has on me. I am now seeing the differances between the way a H comunicates and a W comunicates. I cant wait to have the chance to use all these new found skills.

I miss her. I posted some where else asking if anyone else wakes up in the middle of the night looking for your S in bed. I havent slept with mine in over six months but yet I feel like she is still with me. Also I have been dreaming about her more and more. I know this is due to me thinking about her so much but I have never dreamnt this much. NEVER

I know we will survive this I can feel it in my heart and my soul.

Barb T can you pease explain to me about what it is your telling me? I guess it was a long day at work because I just dont get it. :-)

Hey d_rose. I hope you are have a great day off even though you are doing yard work. IT still beats work work. How have you been and what have you been up to. Talk with you later.

Dan

HnG(Hopeful in GE)??

I don't understand Barbt's post either.

I saw you spying thread. I went through the same thing, The need to know was almost overpowering. If you go looking just be ready for what you might find.

I spent a year in Korea away from MLW and D and I know how tough that is. Stay strong and patient just like you are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am just now starting to see all the complaints she has on me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God, I hated standing in front of that mirror. Made me realize exactly what an a$$ I had been. Tat was a big step for me.

I don't like yardwork that much but it does give you a reason to go to Home Depot. I never was really into tools until a couple of years ago now I secretly crave them. I might need to post a thread about that.

My sitch is going pretty good....moving slowly but moving forward.

Keep safe over there in the days to come. I pray for your patience and strength.

God bless

Doug

Hey Doug

You know what I have never been into the home repair much. But here lately have been having this need to fix things and I cant becasue Im in the barakes. Cant wait to get home and so some things.

Yeah thats why I have decided aginst the spying thing. I really dont want to know what she is doing but yet its driving me crazy. So I have been trying and not think about the now but more about the future.

Damn I havent been in a Home Depot in about 3 years. Sure cant wait to get home and enjoy the states again.

Have a great day and I am so happy to here that you guys are moving forward. It gives me hope. I will be there maybe not tomorrow but I will be there.

Danny

RedHat is good!
He I thought was a she, is a very caring individual. He came to my rescue, even thought I felt deserted, for the advise was good. Yet I would like to have another session with REDHAT....pleezzzze.

RedHat is good!
He I thought was a she, is a very caring individual. He came to my rescue, even thought I felt deserted, for the advise was good. Yet I would like to have another session with REDHAT....pleezzzze. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />