How many of you WH's have called your faithful wives horrible names? Why did you do it? did it give you pleasure to inflict more pain?
Calling the S names attibutible to the OW! But you refused to say one bad thing about OW?
does it relieve some of the guilt?
Are you treating your S as well as you did OW? Can you now find the funds to treat S to the things you treated OW To? Or is it now the wives place to make sacrifice to make up for the blown money?
Did you take OW to find dining and hotels, but take your wife to the coffee shop for a night out? Stay at home or if you do take her for a night away, find the cheapest place available?
How do you treat your S compared to OW now!
When you wanted to party down then, do you now want to just sit while Wife does the chores around your little nest?
Tell me how many loads of dirty laundry did OW do for you? How many great dinners did she cook every night for you?
How much of your BS did she eat while treating you like a king? How many times did you malign her and call her the names she deserved?
How many of you will admit to all of this?
Not much I'd bet. The OW only had to look good, be pampered by you and spread em.
Guess what? We wives could use a little of that pampering too now to regain our self esteem. We like to see how much we're valued as well.
Your treasure is where your heart is! And where you put you treasure shows well.
LouLou

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why did you do it? did it give you pleasure to inflict more pain?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Becoming bitter will not ease your pain.

You sound so angry. I'm sorry for your hurt, but please don't waste your energy focusing on these things.

Just focus on ladyLou and being the best that you can be.

S. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well mine did. Part of the fog ya know. Yes, the WS may even know it is wrong but like someone on drugs, it is like they just can't stop from babbling.

He later learned to regret it and apologized. Sure doesn't want to be reminded of how stupid it all was. The yuck part is that it made me stop even for a momment to doubt my santity. That was just soooo wrong. Never again. Oh yea, I can make and have made some stupid mistakes but never enough to validate what I was called by both the WS and even later by the OW. Never. I am way better than that.

LadyLou?.....U R better than that also. Don't waste your time on trying to reason with stupidity. Stick by your senses and in time all will know who really is sane. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Well mine did. Part of the fog ya know. Yes, the WS may even know it is wrong but like someone on drugs, it is like they just can't stop from babbling.

He later learned to regret it and apologized. Sure doesn't want to be reminded of how stupid it all was. The yuck part is that it made me stop even for a momment to doubt my santity. That was just soooo wrong. Never again. Oh yea, I can make and have made some stupid mistakes but never enough to validate what I was called by both the WS and even later by the OW. Never. I am way better than that.

LadyLou?.....U R better than that also. Don't waste your time on trying to reason with stupidity. Stick by your senses and in time all will know who really is sane. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Well mine did. Part of the fog ya know. Yes, the WS may even know it is wrong but like someone on drugs, it is like they just can't stop from babbling.

He later learned to regret it and apologized. Sure doesn't want to be reminded of how stupid it all was. The yuck part is that it made me stop even for a momment to doubt my santity. That was just soooo wrong. Never again. Oh yea, I can make and have made some stupid mistakes but never enough to validate what I was called by both the WS and even later by the OW. Never. I am way better than that.

LadyLou?.....U R better than that also. Don't waste your time on trying to reason with stupidity. Stick by your senses and in time all will know who really is sane. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Thank you all. For me, it's become very abusive and mentally, emotionally and spiritually damaging.
So with the last being last night, I am filing as soon as I can.
So many write here of just going by themselves to do things, etc. The problem here is my H is a control freak and even has taken my ATM card, credit cards, and keeps the check book.
While we have assets and they're half mine, I am like a prisoner.
My daughter is selling her home and buying a new one close to me, so she will pay for my divorce with money from her sale. And I will repay her from my settlement.
He's scremwed divorce for years, but done nothing about it. Keeps saying when he can afford it! Well, we have ways to afford it, believe me.
If I sound bitter and angry in a lot of my post, it's because I am. Very hurt and can't take the abuse anymore.
Truly,I think he's got a real problem in illness and he's the one who has refused help all along. I've been to the doctors, had therapy and taken the meds for years. Only to find out the mentally ill person is the one who is putting me through all this.
Even the grown children see it and can't believe the way he talks to me, treats me.
I've been really stupid and naive for over 30 yrs. And I can't wait until I can draw a free breath again!
I'm going to do what I should have done 25 yrs ago!
How stupid to have loved someone who others can look at and see he is not loving me.
He looks miserable, acts miserable and is miserable!
No way to rebuild something with a sick person.
Going for FREEDOM! Loulou

I went through some very similar things when I finally realized that we were in a false recovery. I was being the better person, I was using the MB materials, and improving myself overall. But H... he was just staying the same. Feeding me the odd crumb, and I was taking it! That maddens me the most now... that I kept on taking it, for so long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My H never really called me cursed names. He would tell me I was acting "high and mighty", that I "need to get off of my high horse", and that HIS FRIENDS thought I was "unapproachable and intimidating". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> It really did a number on my self esteem. And it's going to take me a few years to regain ME from where I was before I met him. sigh!

I too, have been bothered about all the things my H did for his OWen... yet I never EVER got that kind treatment. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I will never understand why he didn't do those things for me... even when I specifically asked him to!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

But you know the drill... you too have a controlling H. What's amazing, is that although they are trying to gain all sorts of control, it is actually the submissive one that has the control (that's us!). WE are the ones who can put a stop to it. (I got that from a recent CSI episode... and it really hit home for me).

Karen