the unfaithful one.. can forgive themselves and truely move on.

Hi everyone.. its been forever since ive been here.. i havent even lurked. It seemed as i stayed here.. i was unable to really move on. But that wasnt the case. The real case was .. i was still hooked to OM. No, there was no contact.. but the fact that my H wouldnt really let me move on with reminders everyday that i had committed this terrible deed, i couldnt move on.

So, last month.. it had been 3 years to the day. and i spent the weekend in that town in which my A took place for 2 years. My friend and i went to the bar.. and he was there. With his new wife.
And the sad part was.. he hadnt changed. He was still very interested in getting back to gether wiht me.. and he did it blatantly in front of his wife <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Did i care? no.. not at the moment i didnt. i felt so powerful and thot is hilarious. I think i lost my mind momentarily. But seeing him again was like finding water in the desert. It was terribly sickening. He flirted with me all night from across the room etc etc.

I gave him my room number .. talked to him til 3 am.. no sex nothing.

And i realized that it was over for me. I really dont have any feeling for OM anymore. I thot i did.. but i dont. Now after being home for 3 weeks. i dont. done. and i can forgive myself.

I told my H about OM. and he was very thankful for my honesty. But it hurt him i know. but i had to do what i did to make sure i could move on.. because it has been 3 years and i couldnt.

I konw this sounds like ****... and those of you still in the hurts of all this.. probably bite my head off.. but in truth. until the betrayer.. can forgive them selves.. u cant move on.

Things in my marriage are still very much the same. Emotionally half starved.. but I am a whole person for hte first time in many many years. I konw who ME is.. and what ME wants.

I wish you all the best of luck. i do not think even to this day.. that an affair is worth all the pain that is caused. It is hateful and hurtful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

blessings,
mercy

Mercy,

It has been a long time. I am glad that you are finally finding closure. Or more accurately you have found closure.

Do you think that you will now see your H differently. Or treat him differently? Or approach rebuilding differently?

I am sure he was hurt that you went to old town and spent time with OM. Did he know you were going?

No matter the answers to the questions, I hope that this leads to you and your H having a happier life.

God Bless,

JL

Hi Mercy,
Do you think that maybe at long last the blinders came off? You saw who he is and it wasn't what you thought?

I'm glad it is over for you, but you took a chance in that 3:00 am talking that a lot of betrayed spouses would have a terrible time forgiving after 3 years of tough recovery.

You used to post about the hard-hearted unforgiveness of your H...in his being understanding of this, is he too different than you thought?

Just learning hi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ,

Umm.. see spouse in a different light? yes. I am definetly not as snappy, hard hearted, annoyed, or angry with him in even the same ROOM!! LOL. i know i shouldnt laugh.

Is recovery more achievable now? well, yeah. now that he (husband) isnt competeing with the OM invisibly.

Yes he knew we would be staying there. But.. it was a chance we had to take. because in truth.. our marriage is/was NO different than the day we left that town. Something had to give. I was going to go insane.(literally!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Lor, HI <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ,
OMG yes i did get the blinders YANKED off. It was sad man.. realy sad that he had no respect for his wife and new baby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I am SOOO glad that they got yanked off.. because i was carrying a dang torch that wasnt rightly his. My H "hardheartedness" came out of fear of going through all this pain again.. because in reality.. HE KNEW i still carried that torch.. it was me who didnt know.

My H has done a lot of changing.. and yet is so very scared that he isnt first in my life and that i may do this again. I cant say that i blame him. But i think that now we can truely move on into recovery.. and not just a pretend one.

mercy