Mortarman,

I just wanted to thank you for your response to Marriedgirl. I write to her alot on here and via email. She is just the sweetest and so smart. She gets lots of flack here because she is young and pretty and lonely. She is genuine though and she has had a rough road. Honestly I must commend all those involved in the millitary, ofcourse the troops deserve so much honor and respect, but the wives and families that are left behind also deserve praise. I do not know how a young person can do what she does. You spoke to her eloquently and honestly. And I thank you for revisiting old wounds in order to help another.

continuing prayers and deepening respect...

ayslyne

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: ayslyne ]</small>

I didn't mean to sneak in here, I just wanted to thank you as well. I don't know why I keep posting here when I'm hated by the majority of people and continually asked why I can't just get over myself and quit posting about the same "drama." I don't know exactly, I guess I still post because there's no one else to talk to. You and Ayslyne have been 2 of the only people to encourage me without harsh judgments or criticism. And even though most people here don't take me seriously, I just wanted to let you know that it is greatly appreciated and your words HAVE made a difference. I've already read your post to me about 10 times, as I do to Ayslyne's whenever she writes. I just wanted to thank you both for your *patience* with me, and your gentle kindness and encouragement. It does make a difference.

mg:

I read MM's post to you as well. I greatly admire him and how well he's dealt with his own situation up to this time. He's also been a great help to marathonman, who's sadly finding himself in a situation similar to MM's last year. A helluva man, and a helluva MBer!

mg: I don't think I can think of a single poster that "hates" you. Some may have harsh things to say to you, but you have to know they mean well. I think the majority of MBers that have responded to your threads are concerned at "worst" about your situations, and the tones of your posts. And at best? Well, I think they all love you, and respect your difficult situation. And yes, admire your strengths up to this point. Just don't let your weaknesses (we all have them) overcome your strengths!

Take care,
-Qfwfq

With all due respect Q...there have been some people on this board who have been nothing less than cruel to MG. They do not all mean well. Some people just look to criticize, some people are jealous, some people cannot fathom someone having a thought process different than their own.

I will agree not all people who disagree with MG are like this...and yes many are correct in what they say whether it be harsh or not. However some people are accusatory, derogatory, and just plain mean. There is a select group that look for her threads...add nothing positive and hope to convince the rest of the posters of MG's "evil ways". I am sorry but these sorts of people should stop thinking for everyone else. If they are so superior to all the rest of us in having figured out MG's diabolical plan to ruin the rest of our lives by posting about her turmoil then they don't belong here...they should be figuring out what to do in the Middle East.

Plainly there is a way to disagree, caution, even slap somebody back into reality without drawing blood.

I don't think that people actually hate MG per se, acutally they seem to get off on antagonizing her and scrutinizing everything she says. (I recall one time she posted an email convo between her husband and herself and someone immediately suggested she made it up because of a phrase that a man just wouldnt have said...or so went the accusation...PU-LEAS!!!)

I know your heart is in the right place Q but not all are as kind as you are. I think this had to be said to let MG know and others like her who may be lurking that it is not all in their heads...some people are jealous, mean, and petty...for no good reason.

Do I believe that we should sugar coat our responses...NEVER. This is tough stuff we're dealing with but there is so much pain in all of our lives I think that lacing responses with venom is highly unnecessary.

Hang in MG...

ayslyne

Asylyne, Q and MG:

Thanks for the kind words. They are appreciated. Many here have been there for me during my trials, and have helped me stay the straight and narrow road (asylyne...you have more than once!). So, I almost feel obligated to give back.

MG, in your case, when I read your posts, I see a woman in almost the exact same emotional crisis I left my wife in when I was deployed in September 2001. I would hate to see anyone go through the pain, suffering, humiliation, etc that my wife and I have gone through. Asylyne is so right. As we watch those military personnel in Iraq slug it out, I have always known that it is the spouses and families back in the States that really have the hardest job in all of this. And when they return, there will be parades and medals for those that sacrificed over there. But most often, we as a nation forget about those that sacrificed over here...and did the thankless tasks that allowed those that went over to do their jobs. MG...yours is truly the hardest job. Believe me, I know. Your husband has it much easier than you do.

It is great you have come here because that shows a sign of intelligence. Temptation is NOT a sin. Acting on temptation is a sin. You have recognized that you are tempted to have an affair, to leave your marriage. While temptation is painful, there is nothing wrong with it. it is what you do with temptation that makes all the difference. You have sought out help in order to overcome this temptation. You are being honest, and asking the hard questions. Keep it up.

Thanks again all of you for your encouragement in my situation. I just hope that maybe I can just keep one couple, especially a fellow military family, from walking down the road we are.

In His arms.

ayslyne,

Believe it or not, I agree with you. MG is one of the few people I respond to here. Even if I come across like I'm whacking her in the head with a 2x4, I do respect her, and care about what happens with her situation. I guess that a lot of what I see in her situation strikes a little to close to home sometimes, and I come across harsher than I truly mean to.

===================================

MG,

I guess you've figured out by now that I can be about as subtle as a hand grenade. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> If I've offended you, I do apologize - that was never my intent. I do agree that there are a certain group of posters that regularly bash you without any intent of helping you. Don't let them get to you. At the same time, keep in mind that sometimes the person holding the 2x4 is genuinely trying to help.

Sean

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ April 08, 2003, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: Phyxius ]</small>

MM: want to make one point on the SF thing from another thread: DO NOT GO BACK TO WHAT WAS!!!!!!!!! No, no, no... go forward to what will be. You may not believe this, but your sex life will be better. Different, but better. And certainly not instantly. This will take time. You have been wounded in ways you do not fully understand. The change in SF is a symptom. Ask your wife for the time to heal. Many, many WS's want to go back to "the way things were". Not possible. Can a man go back into his mother's womb to be born again?

To take one other perspective that may seem contradictory to what I just wrote - Are you really going to let HER sin, and HIS sin, destroy YOUR sex life, and possibly your marriage as well? This is an area of life you need to reclaim, before God.

One last thought - you really need to rebuild your marriage from the ground up. It has been destroyed. Too many people in our society engage in sex before they are emotionally ready. Physical readiness seems to be the standard. Are the two of you, together, emotionally ready? Do you know what that means? Are you willing to do it God's way this time?