im just sitting here wondering why shy hasnt tried to go out on a date with my h? she knows he wants to she knows he wants a pa. but im confused as to why she hasnt tried any of these things not even a touch a kiss, nothing why? he says he thinks she loves him,but she has never told him so! he just said she treats me like she does, she buys him gifts takes him to lunch everyday,and he gives her a ride home from work everyday. they have been talking on the phone for hours at a time since sep. mabey sooner? if she didnt get a ride from him, she would have to take the transit van, hes even let her drive his car! i asked him why hasnt she done these things? if she really loved you wouldnt she want to be with you all the time? he just said why should she? i think she is just using him, because if she made any kind of a move he would have done it, he doesnt care about hurting me anymore! why would a woman behave this way she is 38 yrs old and never been married! has 1 son. and i heard from a reliable source that she has someone else! someone tell me what you think? any ow out there? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

xow here.

Trying to figure out why you care what tow does!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Oh and for the record, for some OW available men are unattractive. Where's the chase in that?

i guess im worried she does love him and they will be happy together,married, you know? i hate the thought of him being happier with some one else.i dont think she really loves him and i was hoping some one would see it the same way i do just needing reassurance. i also think think once she sees he is really ready for more she will get scared off, since she hasnt tried for more on her own,you think?

There is no way for me to know what is going on in this woman's head.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but I think you'd do well to keep the focus on you and your own recovery.

Try plan A-ing yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">why shy hasnt tried to go out on a date with my h? she knows he wants to she knows he wants a pa. but im confused as to why she hasnt tried any of these things not even a touch a kiss, nothing why </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you know she hasn't? If it is because your H says so, lying and affairs are inseparable.

Over a year after my H's PA had started, I called the OW, she said she didn't date married men--on a day she had earlier spent several hours with him. I guess it wasn't a date! Oh, and he had also told me that he hadn't seen her that day. Too bad they walked into a restaurant where my prayer partner was, she was the one to tell me the truth.

There really isn't a good explanation for how much misinformation either the WS or OP gives the BS.

<small>[ April 17, 2003, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>

your both right im driving myself crazy over things i have no control of!this does me no good! i know i was a good wife and i know ow can never compare! i alredy spoiled him rotten, he will never get that kinda of treatment from ow! what he thinks hes getting himself into is based on memories of me! and how we were together!ok, i feel better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Could it be possible she is avoiding a PA because she has a STD? OR could be she's just not sure of him yet?
Doesn't sound like much of an A to me. Sounds like just using him, which is what he would deserve in my book.
No accounting for the strangeness of people.
And maybe he's lying through his teeth.Most WS's do. You could't know the truth from them if it hit you in the face. None of us could.
That's why it's so hard for those recovering as we don't know then if they're lying or not about wanting us and the marriage.
People are right here, move on with your life. I don't know your story. Are you divorced, getting Divorced? Tryng to recover?
God bless, LouLou

sorry it took so long, no im not divorced, he left the house after 3 months of being undecided,some days he wanted to go others he said he couldnt do it he finally decided he coulnt give ow up, and couldnt stand to hurt me anymore so he left! he said he wants a divorce because he doesnt feel the same, but im still his best friend,always wants me in his life, very confusing and hard for me so i havent seen him since wed night we said our goodbyes he cried and held on so tight, i told him its just for a little while its not forever, he just said i dont know? so we parted on good terms, hes coming by to stay with the kids tonight,dont know about easter, but he did tell the kids he would go to church, he hasnt been in so long, i know that would help his confusion, but hes so scared to go.