It is hard to believe that eight months has passed since D-day. I found out about my WW's affair by contracting HSV from her, talk about a double whammy. Her affair amounted to a series of meetings with the OM over a period of about two months. After one sexual encounter with the OM in the back of his SUV, my WW claims that she realized the error in what she had done and asked him not to contact her anymore. Two weeks after that I found out about the HSV. I had been taking Effexxor on a daily basis for the first few months, but decided that I did not want to be on that stuff forever and stopped taking it. At D-day plus eight months I feel very depressed and often wonder what to do about my marriage. On one hand I feel as though my WW's physical act of adultery has nullified our marriage. On the other hand she has been trying with all of her heart to repair the damage. She tells me that divorce would be more painfull than hanging on and working through my issues, especially for our children. I feel like I may need to get back on the anti-D's lately. I know that I am luckier than most in this situation because there was already NC when I found out about the affair and my WW really wants to work on our marriage. I honestly do not know what to do. I seem to be having a really hard time putting this behind me.

mfisher, I will just tell you that my toughest time was right around 8 months. For some reason, everything seemed to culminate at that point and once I got beyond that phase, it got easier and better every month. I can honestly say that today my marriage is better than it has ever been. I am very glad that I hung on.

I know this is painful for you. I think you have reached a stage where the relief of maintaining your family has worn off and the stark reality of what you have settled for is hitting you in the face. Some days you might not feel it is worth it, others you do. Some days you feel like a chump. I only hope that you give it more time, because I think you are going through a very normal part of recovery and are actually over the toughest part. Please give it a few more months and in the meantime, consider gettting some counseling and/or taking anti-d's. It will get better, M!

mfisher,
I really relate to what you are saying. My d-day was almost 6 months ago, and I think it is just dawning on me the full impact of all my wh did and what a shambles he left of my heart and of our "marriage". (I agree that it feels nullified, even though he is apparently finished with all the ow--15 years worth! He confessed after nc for 10 years). He is ready to build a future built on total honesty,and I want to do that--so badly--but I am very very sad and sometimes the anger rises up in me at the smallest trigger. It is such an overwhelming FACT of life, that we were not a happily married committed couple as I thought for the 25 years we were married, when he finally brought on our d-day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Such a shocker to find out that a person can live a completely secret double life, especially when the spouse is trusting and willing to settle for a sometimes distant confusing spouse. MelodyLane gave great insight. We are seeing the river that must be crossed and we don't know if we can make it! Apparently we can, cause there are lots who have on this site--Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Be praying for you.