I asked my WW to post her and get the help she needed but the only time that she's been here is way back when... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=35&t=000726

Thursday I got off of work around 330p and the boys and I went to the pool until about 1000p, as they didn't have school the next day, summer had begun. She called collect and I didn't have a fully charged battery on my phone so I waited until I got back upstairs from the pool. She was upset with me that I wasn't bring the boys to Dallas at that exact moment. I had to be at work Friday at 200p and I really didn't feel like driving or meeting her half way, since I wouldn't get the rest I needed before having to go to work for a 9 hour shift. She wanted the boys this past weekend and I wasn't able to take the boys to Dallas. She says she couldn't come and get the boys because her vehicle won't make it. She had the whole weekend off, where I had to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I was off yesterday on Memorial Day.

For 2 years I took the boys to Dallas at least once a month every single month. I even relocated to Dallas on two occassions for the boys to be near her, but her affair with the psycho OM, was more important. Since my last attempt to bring the family back together in closeness in August 2002, I have only taken the boys to Dallas 2 times. I don't think that it is my responsibility to drive them up there, when her vehicle is newer, mine is a 1979 Nissan. I don't think its my responsibility, when she has only been to Houston 2 times in the last 2 years. 2 times. Now that she spent a holiday without C and D, because she couldn't make time to drive down or have her family drive down here, she's going to play hardball.

This morning she called me asking me what my address was. I told her, the boys and my physicall address. Then she had to go.

She called me today from work, asked to talk to the boys, and I handed the boys the phone and they talked to her for a few minutes each. They gave the phone back to me, and I asked her what she was doing, and she replied "Nothing, I'll see you in court". She hung the phone up on me. Won't talk to me.

So, I'm assuming that she's obtaining my address to have me served. So, I'm not having a good day and I don't want to play catch up with my attorney. What a mess. Still.

I don't blame you for expecting her to do some of the driving here. Is there any stipulation in your custody papers about who is responsible for the driving?

By the way, I am up the road a piece from you, in Longview. Howdy neighbor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There are no custody papers. No legal action has been taken by either side, over the last 4 years. By the way, I'm in Houston.

(((((Husband2you))))))))))

I say let her bring it on and take you to court. Let the world see how you have fought to save your marriage. She has been lucky that you love her as much as you do to continue this struggle. You have done everything to keep the connection between the children and her. H2U, you are a man of many wonderful qualities and if she can't see it somebody else will...JMHO..Rhonda

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong>By the way, I am up the road a piece from you, in Longview. Howdy neighbor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Heh! Tyler here. Small world...

It is a small world! I work outside of Tyler. We seem to have lots of Texans around here, don't we? Nice to meet you, Phyxius.

((((( H2Y )))))

I really don't know what to say that might comfort you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I do know that my gut feeling is that she's bluffing somehow. Her actions of the majority of the past 4 yrs haven't been matching her words much of the time... so I don't know if she's actually going to serve you with anything.

Time will tell I guess.

Keep on venting if need be. I'll keep checking in on this thread to see how you're doing.

Karen

Well, she has called to talk with the boys tonight and was forthcoming that she filed for divorce today. I'm angry. Angry because I've waited and done everything I possibly can to be here for her, to 'save her', to rescue her from herself. I've tried to provide a safe place for her to come to, to begin our recovery and she has choose otherwise! Because of access to the boys? I have made so many attempts for her to be with them/me, by relocating, driving to Dallas over and over for the last 2 years, when I was on a fixed unemployment income. She's been only able to come to Houston to see the boys 2 times and I'm the one who hasn't provided access? The doors been open here for her since I discovered the affair back in Feburary 1999.

When she finally comes here in Divorced/Divorcing and post that I'm her ex? She's had access to this site for years and she's going to only seek help when she finally files for divorce?

I was able to talk to her and she informed me that she filed today, filed because she has no access to the boys. So she's posting here, which I have waited a very long time for her to do. But in the sense that I'm going to be her ex, I was/am not ready for.

H2Y,

Sorry to hear about this. What changed her mind?

Is this a threat or for real? How are the boys doing?

Well what are the chances of you retaining full custody of your children? Right now that may be what you can fight for.

L.

Sorry to hear about her filing.

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: Thoughts ]</small>

Thoughts,

Skeptical as I may be, may I be for a moment? Do I know you? I see that you registered in Jan 2000. But your first and only posts are to me and a test post tonight in Emotional Needs. Seems odd, that you've been here all this time but only posted 2 times, and I was the lucky one.

Do I know you? I am wondering because the OM has posted here before. So I tend to watch who responds to me and why. I'm not attacking you, and I'm grateful for your heartfelt response, but can you answer whether you personally know me? Have you been following my story for all these years? Are you family? A friend? or just a fellow MB'er?

Double post

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Whew,

Thanks C. Didn't mean to oust anyone there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> you can delete your response to maintian the person secrecy.

Interesting how your posted response to JL got my WW out of the weeds to post to you, in response to your daughters comments. Chris do you have my email?

Edited because I’m strong enough, I’m good enough and doggone it, people like me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ May 29, 2003, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Well its probably best that you didn't say anything. I know. Peace

I'm sorry to hear this. (I ususally post in Just found out).

You waited and tried for 2 years. I lived in Tx for two years. If I recall correctly aren't Dallas and Houston are quite aways apart. That is a long drive for an old car to make. (I lived in Nacogdoches in the 80's). (I'm impressed I can still spell Nacogdoches).

Freaky....to say the least! I wish the best for you and yours, always <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm still trying to absorb the fact that she filed for divorce, online she says; don't know what that means, whether its legitimate/complete or what. I'm glad she's posting here, finally, after all of these years.

I really don't know what to say to her at this point. I've been in limbo for so long, promised she would return by such and such date, and it never happened. I'm not sure how much I have left in me to try a recovery. I've grown so much and become so strong, why all the sudden do I feel so weak? Why aren't my arms wide open? They aren't 'closed' so am I in shock? Is this normal?

What do I say and do know? I agree with her that there needs to be action instead of words, but what should; are my actions suppose to be?

All the sudden I'm confused by her reaching out for help here.

Thank you for replying, each of you, MelodyLane, TexMexGirl, Topie, Orchid, Chris, Thoughts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , Sue with Hope and GeezLouise. You are all great as usual. Thanks again.

Originally posted by Husband2you:
I'm still trying to absorb the fact that she filed for divorce, online she says; don't know what that means, whether its legitimate/complete or what. I'm glad she's posting here, finally, after all of these years.

Orchid: It is a positive start.

H2Y: I really don't know what to say to her at this point. I've been in limbo for so long, promised she would return by such and such date, and it never happened. I'm not sure how much I have left in me to try a recovery. I've grown so much and become so strong, why all the sudden do I feel so weak? Why aren't my arms wide open? They aren't 'closed' so am I in shock? Is this normal?

Orchid: Yes quite normal. Remember you have been in the giver position for sooo long, your heart will now start to make demands that will
hhat will confuse your mind. Wishy washy??? IMHO it, might appear that way but your personal needs have always been there so now that she has expressed some desire to find out if or why she should come back, you are in an emotional delimea.

Now don't make the mistake of taking her back too soon. U know where that decision took me.

It is critical to her self esteem to know that you will not just hand back her W status with a few words. Like anyone else (including our children), when one strays if they want to restore the love, confidence and trust of the ones they betrayed, it will take time and effort. Putting the onis on you to prove to her that you will not revert back to whatever, is bogus. If she is reading this, that is good. This is not a secret recipe. The BS and family should be the most precious thing to the WS. If the WS wants to regain their spousal title, they now need to earn it. Repeating a vow no longer cuts the cake. Does that mean, it is too much work? Well if a WS uses that excuse, it might be, then you will know sooner than later that she might peter out on you and the children. If it is not, then she will come back and prove to all of your family that beyond a shadow of a doubt, she is back to stay.

At the at point, it will be up to you whether you want her back. Her demands will need to be toned down while the focus now goes to the BS to convince the BS that the WS will relinquish the WS title for good.

H2Y: What do I say and do know? I agree with her that there needs to be action instead of words, but what should; are my actions suppose to be?

Orchid: Do what you need to protect your interests. Her actions need to convince you and the children. Package deal with you and the boys, right? You don't have to work as hard as before. Funny thing is that the BS does a lot of work at the beginning but in the end it is the WS that ends up doing the bulk of it.

Relax H2Y, this is your time. You let her show you and your children. Talk to the wall if you have to..... you remember some of our stories. If she wants to hear them, well...... I can ask my H if he wants to share his thoughts with another Ws. Warning: Nothing worse than a reformed WS???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

H2Y: All the sudden I'm confused by her reaching out for help here.

Orchid: Patience H2Y, pray for patience, a clear mind and a calm heart. Then go hug your boys. U R gonna need their love and reassurance now more than ever and they will need yours. When she is ready she needs to start showing all of you guys her love and reassurance.

It is gonna be a bumpy road but you will be ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

H2Y,

So sorry that after everything that you have been through that you have to go through even more.

Maybe this is a good thing?

Maybe this is a letting go point. You've been stuck in this rut for so long....waiting for HER to make a decision.

So many times you have had yourself to the point of letting go and being happy with it.....and then she threw you something and drew you back into the waiting game.

I have never spoken with your WW nor do I know much about her....so I can not judge her. I'm sure that she is a good person, especially if you wanted to be with her....but I believe that she doesn't know exactly what she wants....and probably never will. She is...(maybe unintentionally)...holding you back by pulling your strings.

I think you've said yourself that you don't know if you would be happy with her....and you're not happy without her.....so for a change.....go out and do something that makes YOU happy.

Start thinking about YOU.

They say that everyones rope has a different length.....I'm not sure how you've hung on to yours for so long, but your WW should consider herself lucky to have had someone willing to do that for her.

You were strong enough to be with her....stay with her in her house (with the OM there)....strong enough to try and hold onto what you wanted for so long. I KNOW your strong enough to get through this....even if it means divorce. When you think about it....it really wouldn't be much different than the last 4 years really....it's almost like you've been divorced that long already.

I know I don't post often.....but I'm really concerend about you lately. She seems to really know how to get you worked up.

I know when I finally reached the letting go point I felt like telling my H to either s%$t or get off the pot.....because I was ready to move on and leave the insanity of his world....and my H's world of insanity doesn't even come close to comparing to what you've gone through.

Please take care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Heather

Edited because I said some things before I thought about them and didn't want to cause anymore trouble for you.

<small>[ May 29, 2003, 08:56 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>