Yes, that's right. It is unfair! Everything I have wanted my wife to be:
affectionate
sexy
enthusiastic
understanding
proud of me
Everything I have wanted my wife to do:
wear makeup for me
buy sexy lingerie for me
kiss or touch me in public
call me at work just to tell me she loves me
care about my feelings
tell me I'm a good lover
defer to my judgment or edify me
All of these things she did with OM! I know, I read e-mail, tracked IM's, read letters and cards, even talked directly to OM.
Now, 16 months since last contact with OM, my wife still does none of these things with me! She says our love is "mature", she is not some lovestruck high school girl (she is 48 but still verrry sexy when she wants to be.
She says I have to "not go there'. I have to "get over it". She gets angry that I would even want her to behave the same way with me that she did with him. She says that's "sick".
She says she loves me , always has, always will. That she never really wanted him, but didn't think I really loved her. She says she is happy now, since I have professed my undying love for her and she believes it.
BUT IT IS SO $$#%%ING UNFAIR!!!!! I wanted all these things before her A, not because of it! I still want these things, but I'm being told I have to accept the fact that I won't ever get them. Is that fair?
Here's an example. Last nite she piled up all the "winter clothes" to put away in the attic. On the top of the pile was a white, low cut poet blouse. I bought it for her after D-Day but before NC day. Back when she was still wearing makeup, dressing sexy, seemingly feeling "hot" about herself (maybe becasue she had 2 guys after her!!??)
She wore the blouse once with me back in 2002(who knows how often with OM). She hasn't worn it for over a year. I asked her why she was putting it away and she said it was long sleeve for winter. I said why didn't you wear it this whole past winter? She said "I didn't feel like it". I asked her if she is now comfortable being "matronly" (bad move). She asked what I meant and I pointed out that back in early 2002 she wore makeup, dressed to kill, seemed to feel alot better about herself. I said I feel like I should be able to make her feel that way now, but I guess I don't. She got verrry angry, saying that I don't get it. That I have to "think about it". That I am a "pig" that only cares about what's on the surface. That I should go find some "young whore" if that's what I want!!!
I was flabbergasted. All I was trying to say was "why don't you want to look your absolute best for your husband, the way you always did for HIM!!"
But that never got out. She won't go there. UNFAIR?? You betcha!