Tomorrow will be my first marriage counseling session. I will be going alone until my husband decides that it's best for him to join in.

It took me a while to even call and get some help. I guess the point I came to was him forever staying out like he has no wife and child to contend with. The stress of him doing this on a weekly baisis really got me upset and his refusal to understand that two people who are married are not suppose to live separate lives and his excuses for doing so aren't going to cut it anymore. So fellow MB'ers, here I go into another world of "what next."

I've never been to counseling so I don't know what to expect or how to start the conversation off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . I know I'm most likely going to explode into tears at some point and get angry also. I'm already angry that my husband isn't going, but I think he'll follow along at some point feeling guilty that I'm going and he's not. It will make him seem like he's not putting any effort in keeping this family together. So off to bed I go, so I can rise early.

Fee-Fee

Good luck with your first session. I've never been before, either. Hope your husband decides to join you and that you find the help you need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

~Chrys

Went to counseling today. It was kind of a "getting to know you" session. Asking about what problems bought me there and what were my goals. I really hated talking about my child hood because it made me sound ultimately needy along with what has been going on the past couple of years with my health.

My other goal is to get my husband to go with me. Hopefully, I can arrange something where someone can watch our son so he can do that. Keeping my fingers crossed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As much as I hate to say this, he's not doing either one of you any good by NOT going to the counseling sessions. If he doesn't go - honestly, what's the point? Is he a "macho" kinda guy who thinks counseling is only for sissies or for people who have a screw loose? Tell him that by NOT going, he's basically telling you that your marriage isn't that important because if it WAS important, he'd go without hesitation. My hubby and I have only gone to ONE session, and it was completely enlightening to hear how the other feels, thinks, etc. - especially if he/she isn't one to talk about what is spinning in their head. My hubby said alot of things that I never would of known otherwise.

If I were you and he flat refuses to go, I would work on YOU and practice the relationship skills you may learn while attending. They may come in handy.

Ive been. And yes ai did cry my thru it ever single time. Its just so emotional,when you go alone its ll of those quivering emotions right below the surface and once thye hit,whew...We went together to and after the sessions he would do good, hten off to brain fart island again. Now at the present things are going better,we arent out of th ewoods yet this week has been really good do Im feeling very positive. I wish well on this visit and dont be afraid to open up an dlet it all out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurtmorethanheknows:
<strong> I wish well on this visit and dont be afraid to open up an dlet it all out.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would like to say that opening up does create some anxiety for me because I know after that, I'm going to get so emotional, I'm not going to be very good that day, lol. There are so many things I want answers to that I can never get from him. We don't know how to communicate, he lies to me when it's no necessary ( but when is it?? ) and he wants to confide in another woman about something but won't tell his own wife. That's not how it's suppose to be. I thought we were friends until I found these things out, but friends don't do you the way he does. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Dont be afraid to let go.You will be surprised by the release you will be drained and tired and cinfused because you will verbalize things you have only dared think.
You said he wants to confide in her and not you.
She has made it possible to tell all and he is never int he wrong.She has built him up,you are his friend or you would have already boogered up his head!lol...Its a web he is caught up in...My biggest question is if you have to lie then you know its wrong ..right???Then why do it???We ask our kids this very thing all the time...Im pondering this one...I wish you well you will be on my mind...release it all...

I feel that this weekend we're going to have a blow out. He has a golf outting (18 holes) and of course after, they are going somewhere and he is not going to come home. I hate it when he does this. Not only is it something he shouldn't be doing, it's selfish and inconsiderate. I'm ill and I don't have anyway of contacting him if something happens to me or my son (I'd just have to call 9-1-1). I know that people have to have outlets and let go sometimes, but it's not a once in a while thing, he does this every 2 day weekend. He only makes family time when he feels guilty and even then he's only here but not doing anything family oriented unless you call yelling and screaming time you cherrish with your family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
So in the mean time, I'm trying to prepare myself, but it's going to be hard knowing he won't come home from where ever he'll be. We're just living seperate lives. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

A blowout? Is that what you want???Have you tried explaining you know he needs his tim ebut the family needs more from him???Sorry to say it but some people just are so wrapped up in themselves they have no clue...I know its hard.....i spent many years spending all my weekends rain or shine sick or not at a sportting event.

A blowout? Is that what you want???
No, why would I want to have a 50 decible argument with my husband? I never want to argue and maybe that's the problem. But arguing never leads to a solution, only things said in anger meant to hurt.

Have you tried explaining you know he needs his time but the family needs more from him? A million times plus. He knows it bothers me but after telling him. . .what is the next best thing? I don't want to nag him, because then he will walk out and go looking for Ms. Congeniality <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> to console him and it's not like she is going to be on my side.

TT,

I can only imagine how overwhelming you feel. My sister has MS too. You have not one, but at least two really overwhelming things to battle right now....your health and your unhealthy marriage. I know it's next to impossible, and I wish your H was a good care giver...but he isn't. Somehow, you are going to have to separate these two issues instead of linking them together or you won't be able to fight either one without total exhaustion. From my experience with my sister....please begin NOW to set up a support system to help you get out and deal with your illness. Your H is not equipped to handle your medical needs....which is too bad, but not unusual. I think he needs to see you as a woman right now, and not as a sick woman. There is so much of you that is still vital and intact, and to build intimacy, for now, those are the things you want to share with your H. I can't imagine how hard this must be. Please accept big ((((((hugs))))) and encouragement. My prayers are in your corner.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
<strong>TT,

I can only imagine how overwhelming you feel. Please accept big ((((((hugs))))) and encouragement. My prayers are in your corner.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Star, I do feel extremely overwhelmed. In EN board, I posted that, I can't even talk to him without him getting defensive. I can't describe or give a name to what he turns a simple conversation into. I'll say something, he cuts me off. I try to rebut or explain, he takes that and loads his verbal weapon and makes a hurtful assumption. I just don't know what to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

TT,

I saw you locked your thread over at EN....are you okay? Did those guys upset you? hugs.

TT,

If your H won't help himself or you by going to couseling, help you with your medical condition, hurts you emotionally, etc..... then don't you think it would be better for you to find another avenue to keep yourself healthy, at least until he is more humane?

A's have a way of alienating AND turning caring humans into evil aliens from a planet, where normal person dare explore.

So for now, work on the health, safety and protection of yourself and your little one.

Who else knows about this A of his? Do you have your support group? Have you considered phone couseling with STeve or Jennifer here at MB?

Keep going to your IC/MC as needed even if it is just for you.

Remember, right now you can't control him even if it is for his own good. He is associating with the beast (not best) of the OWs and getting bad vibes (not to mention other horrible
thoughts and germs) so you keep safe, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please let us know how you are doing.

Hugz,
L.

<small>[ June 18, 2003, 03:36 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Topsy,

Still worried about you, hope you check in. Sending you some sunshine <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Was just checking in ti see how the session went. I think in my earlier message I didnt get it across very well. I asked if a blowout was what you wanted. I should have said its hard to fight when only one is doing it...I hope things have gotten better for you and you session went well.....